It's impossible to please anyone.

(Wow rereading this has made me realise I've been ranting my head off about my insecurities.

I apologize to anyone who's going to read this.

you don't have to read it

I just needed to rant .-.)

My mother complains and complains and complains with no end about my forehead and skin saying it was ugly

and that if she brought me up to the salon all her customers would see

that even though she works in a ing salon

that does these goddamn facials,

that I should have perfect damn skin

but I dont

so that means she does a bad shop.

So I cut my hair so that it covers enough of my face so that my " horrible" skin isn't shown to all her customers.

And not to mention I basically avoid the place as much as possible.

BUT OH ING NO

Then she's gotta tell me she hates the hair style and that my hair should stay out of my face.

WELL GOD DAMN BEECH I CANT FREAKING CHANGE THAT CAN I NOW???

I actually liked my hairstyle.

I so was like

"Screw it. If I like it, I like it. I shouldn't give a whether she likes it or not."

So now we skip 2 months into the future and now my bangs have gotten long to a point they irritated my eyes.

So instead of entrusting my mom with scissors.

or going to a salon because I'm cheap.

I trimmed my bangs.

BUT OF COURSE

I MESSED UP

I FREAKING MESSED UP

so I shake my hair up a little and make it look like I'm just having a bad hair day.

BUT GODDAMMIT MY MOTHER'S HAWK EYES!

She noticed immediately upon seeing me!

(ironic because she didn't notice the last 5 times...)

Oh now her and my aunt are laughing away at me.

And you know what?

I don't liek that !

Don't freaking laugh at me because you led me to do this lady!

So I snap.

She goes and laughs at how stupid it looks

and I tell her that I was sick of her bull towards my face so I covered it up and that I hated how she could never just support what I wanted.

Of course, being me, I was waving my hands and making little body movements as I spoke because I've been bottling up this raging fire for the past 3 YEARS!

IT HAS BEEN 3 YEARS SINCE THE WHOLE

YOU'RE SO FAT

YOUR SKIN IS SO UGLY

WHY CAN'T YOU BE AS SMART AS YOUR SISTER

YOU'LL NEVER GET A BOYFRIEND

NO BOY WANTS AN UGLY FAT GIRL

MEH MEH MEH MEH MEH MEH MEH

WELL I DON'T GIVE A ANYMORE

SO YEAH.

IT.

But of course...

She goes...

And laughs at me for moving while talking.

Oh-

and all the while being super ING RACIST

"Why are you moving your hands and body while talking? You talk like a black person." (only she said it in Vietnamese of course because she lives up to the steriotype of Vietnamese women working in hair salons in California because that's all they can ing do. [*ahem*thistoldmethisandbulliedmebecauseofit*ahem*]  So yeah. Racist...)

So now they're laughing at me even more and I growl, turn, and leave refusing to put up with anymore of the bull the women in this family give me.

I put effort into making sure what I eat is healthy only

I put effort into excersizing

I put effort into skincare

I put effort into making myself look nice.

but all these insults.

I'm sick of it.

screw dieting

screw excersizing

screw skincare

screw effort

screw society

I'm going to eat what I want

take care of my skin the way I want to (which by the way I take very good care of it and I looked up the best way to keep healthy skin because let's face it. A relationship with your skin is a lifelong relationship.)

I'm going to dress like a boy because that's what I like.

I don't care what THEY like

I don't care what SOCIETY likes

I'm only going to do what I want

My life will be amazing. I'm setting myself up for a bright future and I don't need to worry about something as stupid as that to please males and everyone else on this planet.

If a guy won't take me for my personality why should I give a about him?

exactly.

So with that, screw all that and I'm just going to focus on school and my future and things I enjoy.