Friends are sad
Friends are hurting themselves
Friends want to die.
Channie is sad.
Channie is hurting herself.
Channie wants to make everything better.
Then Channie wants to die.
This seems to be the part that no one understands. I look after myself by looking after others. Why is it that I still counsel people when I'm mentally ed my self.
Why can I sit there in the corner, carving my own legs but yet still write a paragraph to stop someone drowning themselves in the bathtub.
How? I have no ing idea
Why?....well I always seem to be left with this haunting feeling of selfishness, my greatest fear, is making someone upset. Disappointing them.
Being to selfish and not giving them what they need.
It's a phobia. I'm terrified.
I hate people worrying about me. I hate it when my best friend says she was crying cause she didn't know how to make me feel better.
I hate being a burden.
I hate the fact that I can never do anything to standard that anyone accepts.
I'm too much of a perfectionist cause I'm scared to dissapoint.
I don't trust that anyone actually like my writing, my sewing, my cooling.
That everyone actually enjoys talking to me.
It's all just a lie.
I'm a burden...
Well that's what my brain whispers too me.
And that's why a lot of things set me off.
Begging for replies...I'm too slow; I'm annoying.
Why I can never say no when someone asks for help.
Why I always take to much onboard and die of stress.
Why I constantly stalk The depression tag on Tumblr and talk to the people there who need it. Help the people who are desperate
Because I see no use for myself.
I'm pathetic.
Embarrassing.
Just like my dad says.
I can't even stand for a whole martial arts lesson without my legs crumpling under me and then collapsing to the floor crying, because it's to painful.
I can't walk around school all day.
I'm weak. I'm ing mental.
And I hate it.
Now I have to go scrub the bathroom to pristine with just water.
Like every saturday.
So....
/leaves, hides in a corner.
I really shouldnt post this .
It makes everyone worry...
And I feel worse afterwards...
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