only click this if you want to read me think... or click if you're curious? idk and idc, you'll do what you want.

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Created Apr 9, 2021 16:19:21

Tags uhyeahidk

been feeling very stuck on what to do lately because i'm experiencing burnout in a lot of ways, in a lot of areas, and one of those is with rping. my desire to do it is ever present, but it seems like i can't find a place to settle and do that... at least not comfortably. jumping from platform to platform trying to find some sort of escape is a time-consuming, often confusing (because i have to remember what is what and where), and overall dismaying experience, i guess. like, i'm already tired, and this is taking that feeling and dragging it around, y'know?

part of me goes "i should just take a break" but... that's what this is supposed to be? rping is a break from everything i want and need to do everyday, so ?????? idk. maybe i need to reframe my mindset.

...idk, but anyway, i feel so lost and stuck right now. have for at least a year in the back of my mind, but over the past few months the feeling gradually moved to the forefront. what really gets me is that i can have 15 different ideas, feel something pulling at me and tugging my fingers to write about them, but then... nothing. this is due to muse sometimes, yeah, but it's also because i often don't have a place to channel things.

people keep going "oh, just freelance!!" and "oh, just private rp!!" and yeah that's cool and all, but i already know that doesn't work for me. personal problem, i know and tbh this whole blog is, but i need to be in a group setting if i'm actually going to get done. i've been this way since like... 2013 or 2014 and i've learned that through a ton of failed attempts, so no ty. i actively search several platforms for group/public rps though. sometimes i even join some despite not actually caring for the rps, but just so i can have a place to do or try things in. it's just becoming ever apparent that when i do this, i end up not getting anything out of it still because a) i don't care for where i'm at, and 2) because i don't care, i don't feel motivated, i either end up half-assing, or just not doing anything meaningful at all before i ultimately leave or get kicked out. this is why i don't really join rps a lot more these days... bc i think about this and i don't want my time or the time of others to be wasted.

sometimes, i do happen to stumble upon a place that works for me though... sometimes. a place i feel comfortable in, writing-wise. but it's the rps that i like the most and actually feel connected to end up closing or dying before even taking off too. 😔😭 but that's a whole other thing to get into.

try to make my own rps as well, but 😳 i don't think i'm cut out for adminning right now, if i'm honest. i don't say this in a pity party way, but objectively speaking, i don't think i can put as much time and effort into because i'm a student and also a worker with a lot going on in my personal life. does this stop me from making and opening rps? not really. still do that, but i try to keep them simple and i don't pour as much time and energy into it as i would if circumstance were different. tbh it only really stops me from opening rps i'd really enjoy i think.

i open rps here more than on other platforms (because other platforms aren't built for rping and require more work/effort tbh), and when i do, they aren't as successful personally (this being the keyword) as i'd like them to be. like, i do all this for myself, i put in all this work for myself, and i still feel stuck and lost. to be upfront, i don't care if i have 5 or 50 people in them because i can make do with what (or who) i have normally, but if i'm not personally feeling it or getting anything out of it (which seems to be the case lately), i'm not happy with it and usually let it die or close it. of course, it's also the actions of other people that partially influence my own, but ultimately, it's about what i'm personally doing for myself that matters to me most and why i want to focus more on what i do for me.

i guess this means i'm not doing enough for myself though, huh? 😔

idk man... the point in me making this was to express that i feel lost, stuck, and confused on what to do or how to proceed. i thought about writing fanfics with my ideas but a) no, b) too much, and c) the whole reason i like rping is because i get to experience a character's perspective with another character or multiple characters and their typists and it's the interaction that gets me going. but anyway— i'm just over here like "how do i do the things i wanna do? why is this stressing me out? this is supposed to be fun!!!" and stuff. idk if any of y'all can relate, but if you can, what would you do, if you were me? how would you combat this? do you have any advice?

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melozennie 3 years ago

i've tried to make a clear, thoughtful comment on this like three times now, but my brain is so tired from my coursework this week that nothing sounds right. w h e ez e i'll just make it short for now, but lately i've been a lot less stressed over roleplaying because my mindset about it has changed. i view it more as a hobby or a creative outlet, instead of something i need to devote a lot of time to or use it as an escape. it's kind of freeing(?) in a way, because now i feel like i can come and go as i need, which is especially good since i frequently get busy with school, work, etc. and i know the feeling of wanting to make a roleplay or play a character So Bad when you don't have the time. i usually tide myself over by privately making the roleplay or character, and building them up until i can finally use them. it also helps that i have several people i can just talk to and bounce ideas off of, since for me that's equally a good way to get my creativity out / feel satisfied(?). other than that, i'm afraid i'm not much help bc i've become a lot more lax(?), indifferent(?) towards rping in the past year, where i have fun with it, but i'm also fine not roleplaying either (probably bc i write fic as well), so i can't completely relate to everything here. ;;;;

scampi 3 years ago

ok but let's be real
you know what you want
i know what you want because i want the same thing
we just want interaction and introspection into our actions and the people we interact with
it's damn fun to interact with a character that you build small habits for
and it's damn fun to interact with characters with depth and motives
and lmao :' )))
we aren't going to get that on rpr
or at least not easily
especially these days
nonaus are unbearable because there is no character development or depth at all, it's literally just everybody being ooc
and aus die because there's so much work that needs to be put into writing a character and we're picky on who we share the level of vulnerability of our characters with because we can't trust anybody to be reliable enough or available enough or even skilled enough to interact with how we want our characters to grow i guess :')) and even when we get comfortable to that point, there's nobody around to interact with because we're all busy college students with jobs and responsibilities
lmao i think rpr really peaked when a majority of people were around their last years of high school and beginning years of college because we had the time to around coherently :')))

for you to combat this lost feeling and specifically for you, i think the best way for you to pick up your muse would be to build your characters in a drafted rp
idk if you want to have physical, tangible characters to clog up your characters page or just build rooms for them
but i think it's best for you ing go wild with your au ideas and character backgrounds without the commitment of having an open rp for them
and then when you get bored again
and when you have that window of free time
or if even a new au opens up that is similar to one of your ideas
you'll have an entire person waiting to come to life in your gallery of characters
afkjgh
but i know people on rpr well enough to know that writing a background for a specific au is probably going to make you want to just make that au because why the not :' )))
you just gotta like
have self control or something
or just con somebody to coad the au with you
and con their friends to join the au
and con your friends to join the au
and then you'll have an active enough au to attract other people lmao

scampi 3 years ago

"i'm a student and also a worker with a lot going on in my personal life. does this stop me from making and opening rps? not really." lmao bc same :' ))))

bbe02af7b89045af6b82 3 years ago

hi baby. it’s grandpa. I agree and feel you on all of this. recently I’ve also been feeling — trapped, here. I hope things get better for you. I used to love reading your replies when I stumbled onto them and I love you so so much. if I had more time I’d make my own rp, but alas, being an adult is awful. I love you :-(

Kaworu 3 years ago

That's 100% how I feel. I'm losing motivation to rp because I'm finding less and less rps that I feel like joining and even when I do they either die/close or I have a hard time finding rp partners. I like putting effort on my characters to give them personality layers that reflect their past and often have many ideas for them, but they almost never pick the interest of the other players. It's frustrating and I feel like I'm wasting my time, but at the same time I like rping and I'm really needing a escape from rl. I also have ideas for rps sometimes, even build the entire place with all the rooms only to never open it. Unfortunately I don't have the time to be a main admin atm or in the nearby future and I'm aware of it...