hope you see this

So many words I wanna say but I am unsure how to word them properly? Also before we get into this , if you see any typos.. no you dont lmao. My spellcheck isnt working and I'm illiterate. so that's the disclaimer leggo:

I've been contemplating on writing this because while I feel it's necessary, I also am unsure if it's my place to speak because this isn't really about me at all? But then I remember I made it my place when I jumped the gun and was being a hateful in misjudged anger so- here we are.

Firstly, I want to say that no I was not on the bandwagon of hate. I woke up to the expose blogs, saw the names that were exposed and which rp it was in regards to and became irate. now why? because two of the names that were that exposed list happen to be my friends and one in particular being someone who I am really close with. So you'd think if I was close friends with this person I would do the logical thing and message them first to assess their side of the story and then place my judgement. Well, I did not and for that I'm a friend in that regard and I have admitted that privately and I will admit it publicly. 

Secondly, there's no excuse for not being sensible even if she is sweet enough to try and understand my impulsive actions - that's not good enough. ever since the shrimp incident , I've been more wary of the people I let close to me. when all that happened and went down last year I saw a few names I thought I was chill with and then I saw a name of a particular individual who I had considered a friend that was in on it as well. someone I had laughed with and shared fond memories with. we didn't end on good terms either.  And so when I saw this friends' name I didn't hesitate. Because I'll be damned if this happens to me twice, right?  I was not in the comments doing the most or commenting multiple times , I was directly @ing the admins of heart attack rp and my friend. I wasn't that nice. I was a , a patronizing trying to provoke any reaction. It was only after I had gotten my anger out did I message my friend and demanding she explain wtf was going on. 

She told her side and then the admins and people of the private rp dropped their evidence for their side. even after the patronizing  comments she still told me that she was grateful that I had even asked for her side at all. She tried to understand me. Regardless of what happened with the shrimps and the drama of the past I should've done better and been more mature - because we're all adults - in trying to evaluate the situation from all sides. Thats on me and that was my mistake. 

And finally, I just want to issue an apology to the admin team of heart attack, I would spell your names but I'm illiterate but you know who you are if you're seeing this. I apologize for assuming you're toxic with nothing to go on except baseless screenshots- which I should've looked at better but again that's on me and its my bad. I want to apologize icedpeachtea for all of this happening in the first place and not being a better friend to you while you had to deal with it in the beginning. I know you already forgave me but I still am sorry to you the most. 

This was a long blog and its not pretty either idk how to do pretty formats but whatever I had a point to all of this. The point of this wasn't a "they provided their evidence and now I feel I have to clear my name as a who jumped the gun" bcs I am still the who jumped the gun when I shouldn't have. The point of this blog is to learn to apologize when an apology is warranted and admit when you're wrong. reflect on yourself. 

also, this is me in no way comparing what the shrimps did to this situation because n o. what the shrimps did is actually unforgivable and shouldn't be just compared to anything. and if you are comparing it to this you lack comprehension skills. also idc if this makes you like me less or want to block me or hate me yadayada unless you're someone I talk to on a day to day basis or I have an established friendship with you. this was me just being honest and real.