I hope karma bites back..

So..being the self harmer i am..

I thought I could make it four months without doing it..

I honestly thought maybe since the thought never crossed my mind

or if it had I could stop myself..i was getting better..

but..i was wrong..

because after four months..one little thing..one (okay two) people made me snap.

My mom and my sister..

My mom and sister are both thin, both B size bra size,and they're tall and their matabolism

is fast so they don't really ever gain any weight..

Me on the other hand, I'm short..a mere 5ft 1 in, there are people 4-5 yrs younger than me

who are taller than me..

I'm a bit over weight but nothing crazy..

my metabolism isn't very fast so yeah weight sticks..

and im C in bra szes. I'm heavier than them..but..

thats not reason to poke fun..

i went shopping for jeans just now-just one pair of jeans cuz i wanted some black ones to wear

to work instead of dress pants all the time...

and the reason wasnt cuz i outgrew my last pair but they ended up getting a hole in them cuz i wore em so much..

so my sister begins commenting on the ride home about how i need to lose weight and im so fat and its stupid that i dont 

work out much and that i should and that i'll look better if i lose wieght and that i look like an old woman with such huge s and ..

and i just kept quiet in the bck seat, biting my tongue and trying not to shout and cry. 

If i had time to work out, i would...

but im either at school, or at work..

and if im not doing that i have homework..

i have no time cuz then i also have to do house chores..

then my dad tells me that im not working very hard and i should do better...

that i shouldn't be mean to my sis...

or argue with my mom..that its rude when i talk back no matter what

even if im trying to defend myself..

my sister as i ate dinner began to complain about how i do no chores or anything at home,

how im not appreciative..how i dont need new clothes and im just wasting money we cant afford to waste..

and..all i did was buy a new pair of jeans..

one pair..

she has 6 pairs of jeans, 4 of them new, and a ton of new shirts...

i just bought one jean..

just one..

and my mom wasnt happy about it..and my sister couldn't shut up about it..

and together they lectured me the whole car ride home how i'll never get married and i'll gorw up to be this huge person

who cant do anything..

and i just got up and left dinner..i didnt eat..

i couldnt take the comments, and my dad got angry (he's diabetic)

and he shouted for me to come downstairs, cuz i was being over dramatic..

but i refused, and so he shouted at me more, 

and meanwhile im holed up in my room with my face stuffed into a pillow sobbing my eyes out..

because i hate it..that i cant do anything

without making someone upset..

and that i can't defend myself because its rude..

and..just what the hell am i doing here?