I...

It's probably because I'm so...used to hearing or knowing that people have to leave in my life. That's probably why I'm so worried over a few days of inactiveness. I really can't help the way I overreact when I think someone's leaving. Or how I think of worst case scenarios when it's related to these things. I really try to be positive but I guess I can get really negative about some things. I mean, most people don't like people leaving their life. I'm one of those who have that dislike and maybe, fear, heightened. When they don't talk to me for a few days, when I don't see them online, I can't help but overthink. Because I'm so used to their prescence, probably. Especially if anyone is sick. That scares me most. I don't want to experience losing people to sickness or near losing them. I've had too much of that experience. Maybe me being like this would eventually become a bother or a nuisance or a burden to them. I guess it will. Maybe they wanted to leave already. Maybe they're fine and are annoyed at me clinginess or overthinking.  Well, I dunno. It's not just them. It's everyone in my life that I care about.  But maybe I'm annoying. I mean, even Li- Ah. Nevermind. This train of thoughts is unhealthy. But I can't help it.

If anything, I... I can't figure out... If being let go of is harder or letting go is harder. School 2013 made me think so much about that because letting go...or being let go of, it's really playing a big part at this part of my life. Sigh.