something I can add into this to make it better?

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Author_mxchiie

Created Oct 12, 2013 11:26:52

This essay is going to be about the american civil war.. The reason that the civil war broke out is because the north side was against the slavery (the african slave trade) while the south side was buying slaves as soon as they could. If they wouldn’t do this then it would be really different right now. We wouldn’t live the same way, in both good ways and bad ways.

But there wouldn’t be as many wars as it have. Abraham Lincoln was USA’s first president. He was against the african slave trade and tried to stop it, thanks to this south carolina officially declared that they weren’t a part of USA.This was followed my 10 other states.

The people in north thought that it was wrong to buy slaves and use them for whatever they wanted while the south side was completely the opposite.

The war begun 12th April 1861 and ended 12th april 1865. It was the north side that won the war, not long after that Abraham Lincon declared that all the slaves in USA were free people just like everyone else. Ulysses S. Grant was USA’s 18th president, he was born March 4, 1869 and died March 4, 1877.

The slaves were needed because of the plantations which was where they would grow cotton, sugar and tobacco. When the plantations grew larger all the farmers started to want slaves, this meant that they used big ships where the put all the slaves, they also chained everyone together so they wouldn’t be able to run away from each other and more people would fit inside the ship. The farmers would work very hard before the slaves came though none of them wanted to pay for this labour, they then solved the problem by buying slaves which meant less to pay and less work.

During 1670-1860 more than half a million were taken to America against their will, everyone who did were taken there to be slaves.

The states that declared that they no longer were a part of USA were South Carolina, Alabama, Arkansas, Florida, Georgia, Louisiana, Mississippi, North Carolina, Tennessee, Texas and ia. Later on they grouped together and called themselves the Confederate States of America.

Robert E. Lee was an American career military officer who is best known for having commanded the Confederate Army of Northern ia in the American Civil War. If it wasn’t for the slavery then there wouldn’t be any racism right now, then you wouldn’t make fun of dark skinned people or asians even though the asians actually weren’t a part of the slavery some people still tease them just because they don’t look like us. In sweden we accept more people than we actually can, we don’t have enough houses/apartments for everyone, but them there are other countries who don’t even let people into their country.

I think that it was wrong to do what they did, if it wasn’t for the slavery then the civil war wouldn’t have broke out.. There are many wars that actually broke out because of the slavery/african slave trade.

Most of this is what I remember but I also used Wings Activity Book page.114 and Wikipedia. From what I know I actually did use my own vocabulary.

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this is my essay about the american civil war, though I feel like something is missing, so if there is something please tell me and I'll add it!

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arlert 11 years ago

vv exactly what -dorito said there. c:

meticulous 11 years ago

+ Oh, don't use "this", be specific, but don't be redundant.

arlert 11 years ago

ah, one of my faves in history.
i don't remember much though, since i learnt a much detailed version so i can't say so much
+ how about mentioning the emancipation proclamation? yeah, using those terms too lol

meticulous 11 years ago

(Words that are capitalized are actually italicized, I can't but italics here. lol. )

Don't start an essay with what you're going to talk about. Provide (minimum) three sentences of background (history) on the subject, THEN apply your thesis as the last sentence. Most of your paragraphs actually have nothing to do with the thesis or the paragraph's thesis.

para 2) North v. South ; explain the key differences between the two
para 3) use better transition words. For example, "When the slaves were sold from Africa to slave traders, the traders forced the africans to lay on the ship for months, and barely fed them. The harsh conditions sometimes led to mutiny, and most mutinies never succeeded. Once the Africans arrived..."
para 4) this paragraph should go BEFORE the third. ALL of your background information should go before the actual content of your prompt.
para 5) this paragraph starts about R.E.L, but ends about Sweden? That doesn't make sense, and shouldn't be there.

You used a lot of, what us essay writers call, fluff (stuff that is unnecessary and sometimes redundant). Try to make each paragraph longer, but fill it with fact and historical detail to prove WHY you think slavery is wrong. Your final paragraph should not start with your thesis, it should restate a larger purpose, background, and then your thesis.

Never use "I", "my", "us", "we", or any word that includes you as the author, it only restricts your writing. KEEP IT ALL TO FACT-BASE ONLY.

Never put parenthesis in when you're adding in information, it should be brackets.

If you need ANY help at all on this (I'm really good at civil war. I'm american, take history, and study AP Language and Composition. ), please feel free to pm or wallpost me. I hope this helps!

halfbloodprincess 11 years ago

Shouldn't there be like a lot more info to be found on this subject? It seems too little. I don't know about it but can't believe this is all