It's been one year.

If you're not comfortable with death or suicide, please don't read. This is my 'personal' message that I wish to write.

Exactly one year ago, you took your last breath on this earth and left to heaven.

i still remember the day even by it's smallest details. you had send me a msg on 10pm

saying that you love me and thanked me for being always there for you and a goodbye.

i panicked and i didn't need anything else to know what what was going on. i hardly

tried to deny it, but i knew it was true. i contacted your friend, lucas and told him to

stop you. thank god he did. i remember staying up the whole night just for you texting you

and crying for hours just begging you'd still answer your phone and hoping that it wasn't too late.

once he was able to stop you i thanked lucas and went to sleep, but before that I chatted with you

and told you how it would get better and how much i was thankful you didn't do it. you told me

how you regretted it and thanked me for making you realize. i told you how i'd text you the moment i

wake up in the morning and i did. "i feel sleepy. i'll now go to bed. goodnight i love you so much

see you <3" that's what you told me, but.. when I woke up you didn't reply. hours went by and

you still didn't respond. i contacted lucas and only to hear that you had passed away on your sleep.

I couldn't talk anything to my friends or to my family. I can't say I fell to a depression, but it was close

to becoming one. I remember how I cried everynight when I went to sleep and during the day in

the bathroom, because I didn't want to show it to my family. This lasted for several months. Heck I 

even considered going to a psychologist. I felt trapped, hurt, lonely and that I couldn't speak up to

anybody. Now that it's been a year I can say that I've recovered. I'm happy again, forgotten the pain

and the sorrow, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten you. I used to be afraid of moving on because

I thought I'd forget you and hurt you. Hm, dumb right. Your death ripped a big part of my heart and

has definitely changed the way I see death. Nowadays I wonder if you're doing okay and if you were

still alive how would you look like or would I have been able to meet you then or what kind of memories

we would have made. Eventhough my heart is still filled with great sadness I am also happy that I

was able to know a kind, funny and big hearted person like you. I love you and I regret not being your

friend. Rest in peace, Judith.

Sincerely, Em.

XXXX97 — 170414