No matter where I go, I always feel out of place. Even here, I'm completely out of place. It because sometimes I'll find somewhere where I feel like I belong, but as times goes by, I get ignored and pushed away because I'm such a pushover. I could try going back, but I'll never be comfortable ever again, so I just leave and wander. , I was so lost for the longest time. I spent an entire year without any friends at all. My life consisted of just endlessly browsing 9gag and Allkpop, but now it's endlessly browsing imgur and soompi. The only thing that's changed is that I have friends that I honestly feel a little uncomfortable around, but they try so hard to make me feel comfortable, I just accept it. Honestly, they're probably the best people I know. I really don't get how they're so patient with me. I mean, it took almost an entire year of hanging out every day for me to actually talk to them, which is terrible considering I've known them since middle school. The worst part about having them by my side is that I don't trust them when they're so open with me. I honestly can't trust a friend anymore. I've spent years of building friendships with people that completely collapse because I'm such an introverted . I mean, I used to be minimally outgoing, but after each friendship ripped my balls off, I eventually just quit socializing. People think I'm a weird tryhard whenever I talk to them, so I'm just like whatever, you, you tryhard. Because they're judgemental tryhards. , I hate tryhards so much. I will ing shred their s so bad if I ever cross any of them, which is why I tend to just leave. Like dude, I'm such a stubborn person with the worst temper in the world, even though I'm generally laid back, I would just probably commit suicide under pressure, which most people don't understand. To break someone like me is irreversible. I will stay broken forever until someone forces me back together and even then, who knows what will happen next. Gosh, I need so badly. Relationships are going to be a pain for me, so no boyfriends because I'm honestly afraid of mentally scarring others. Like , the things I make people go through is some scarring . My mind is so messed up and my mental age is so out of wack, I don't even know what I am anymore. Am I a ten year old girl or a twenty five year old woman? I don't even know. No one lets me choose. being a teenager. I feel so confused all the time. Why the hell do I want to die all the time? . For real. I really wish someone would take me away from reality.
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