Little bump

I feel as if I gave it all I had and then still failure emerges. More energy, more failure, more disappointment. I have to smile knowing each day is a gamble, from now for the little bumps I can no longer do it, years of research, of trials, of trying to be in perfect health for what? The end result is always the same.

i feel like a bird trapped in a bird cage like an eagle in a budgie cage no room to move, hard to breathe. The little bump I am always hoping will last only slips away my fingers only ever getting to touch it at the tips never able to grasp what I feel will fully complete me. 

I guess it was not for me, the plans in my life were not destined for this, they were not to be, this chapter of my life this black spot just puts strain on emotions of hope each time, each time the same... Each time the ending result happens.

I feel lost, I feel so alone yet there is always someone there. I feel like I'm slipping into a darkness so dark I can't see what I think is important  . I still have so much love to give but I feel like it's never going to be enough it's never going to be enough for me. I can not provide what should be easy, I feel like giving up like the pain is becoming too much, the tears that threaten to fall when I smile and say I'm okay why can't you see I'm beginning to crack and fall apart...

I don't feel anything anymore.. I'm hollow..