Depression. Many of us have it. So you know what I'm talking about. But those of you who aren't schizophrenic will not.
Whenever I get into a deep depression I feel like crying because no one knows what I'm going through, and I can't cry because no one understands. No one needs to worry. No one cares.
But then it gets worse. I can't focus, and I think in circles. My grades drop dramatically which causes so much yelling. Yelling and threats.
On the other side of that, when I'm away from home, I hear voices in my head. The world would be better off without you in it. Kill yourself now and save everyone else time. They won't miss you anyway. I hope you die.
Then I get tired and struggle with myself, and cut, and hold everything in and have nightmares. Think on the people who need me, struggle some more, dread coming home, and die inside.
All of this affects my characters and my role playing. Especially with people I care about here. Everything you say or do takes on extra weight in my head. I'm in a very fragile state right now and I'll apologize to each and every one of you personally if thus has affected any of you negatively.
I'm so so sorry to all of you.
~Chrys
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