tired??? (warning???? emotions ahead??? jumbled thoughts???? read at caution, it might kill brain cells????)
yet happy
is there an emotion for that? i could sleep for 4 days straight and still be tired, but not a single thing can make me upset
i could probably go to the doctor for that, sleeping for two hours 6 out of 7 days a week for 5 years mustn't be good, but does it matter if i'm alright?
things do get me down, but you won't see my talking about it since i dunno how to talk about feelings. i just get numb, and how does one explain numbness other than "i feel... empty?"
i like when people open up to me, tell me what is going on in their brains and their lives because it all seems more significant than my own, but not in a sad way. in a i wanna help kind of way, y'know.
i told my counselor this when i told her i wanted to be a social worker because i'm tired of wallowing in my own pain, i wanna help others no matter how much i disregard my own emotions, as they are almost all nonexistent aside from happiness and numbness.
she changed me from appointments once every two weeks to every week after that, because she was worried. though i convinced her i was alright later on.
i convince everyone that i'm alright, because i am. but is everyone else? are you all okay? have you eaten today, slept for more than 4 hours, did you do your homework or have gone to work yet? are you back from work, then? relaxed?
that's what i think about most.
sounds depressing but it makes me happy taking care of people, don't get me wrong- i take care of myself when i can. i catch up on sleep on saturdays and eat twice a day if i can-- so since i'm in a good enough place, lemme help others to get into a better place.
i just needed to get this off my chest, since people ask if i'm alright. my mum asks me every time she sees me laying in bed, staring at my ceiling if i'm alright. and all i say is:
"i'm tired, but what is sleep?"
darn i get all thoughtful on sundays, whYyYyYy? ok bye i'm sick and my nose is like niagara falls rn prays for myself
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