I lost my Baby Dog

 I went from being the eldest of 5 kids, who helped raise the three youngest and took care of a disabled father, alcoholic mother, and way too early to be a mom sister's kids full time to being on my own in an apartment... talk about LONELY. So a coworker was getting rid of her daughter's pup, a 4-year-old Shizu who instantly connected with me. ........ fast forward 3-4 years later I meet and marry hubby and then another 7 years and we're in the present when last week I find out my beautiful companion who instinctively learned how to warn me I was in the seizure zone and who has been a constant loving companion to me when I nearly broke and went back home is dying. She's 15 or so now and has liver failure. I'm doing all I can not to cut her life short but still ensure she isn't in pain or scared while trying to not think about the reality that my baby dog is dying. It probably sounds stupid and weird, but I had her before I had the man I married and pledged my LIFE to... and I'm losing her and have no power to help stop it. I've taken to being with her as much as possible to remind her she is and was loved and that I appreciate all she's given me. -- Dogs love unconditionally, and when I found out it wasn't a good idea to have kids due to my condition and I was depressed she silently just curled up next to me. Didn't demand attention, didn't want me to talk, she was just there loving me... so... yeah I'm a wreck and I'm sorry, so sorry I'm slacking but I'm begging you to understand that.. emotionally I'm in a REALLY horrible place.

Earlier this week... at this point I don't even remember the day, I lost Sasha. She was asleep between my husband and I and she passed away, we noticed around 4am. I've been sick with a Summer cold, not helped by the depression, I'm sure ever since. I've asked to be put on at least semi-hiatus because I try to get back and check stuff and reply but well... I'm just not doing great. I'm very sorry. But I do appreciate and love each of you who have checked in or up on me to ensure I'm ok. It means the world to know somewhere out there some one cares enough to ask. So thank you.