I was born a mistake, they told me. Claws ripping into the flesh of a boy who did nothing to provoke such cruel and unusual punishment. What was reserved for a mother’s gentle touch now tainted by the hands of the monster that calls itself the boy’s mama. 

Mama hits you because she loves you. 
Hits you because she loves you.
Because she loves you.
She loves you.

I was forced to take in her lies like a chick getting fed by the beak. She loves me, she loves me, I should love her too shouldn't I? 

No. 

I would bite the hand that feeds me, repent for it later. Curse her name, repent for it later. Break her expensive china in a fit of rage, repent for it later. It beg for forgiveness each time just so I won't get clawed by the hands that fed me. I protest against her punishments with a silent song… 

I repent. 

The only time I ever loved her was when she sent me out. Sweet freedom was her last gift along with the bags of rags she packed for me before my departure. No food, no money, just the song of freedom ringing through my ear drums as I paraded down the path to a dream I struggled to make come true. 

Anger was my best friend. I let it manifest during my times in hell with the beast named mama. I was comforted by it. It powered me through training in the city with teachers that never bothered to ask for me against after a single a session. I was powerful with my best friend, but also weak with it too. 

Seizures woke me at night. Dreams of what I used to be taunting me, telling me I wasn't going to be the person I wanted to be. My best friend boiling inside me like a volcano ready to erupt. I can't control it and I give up my will to it, letting it seize my body and sending painful shocks to my being. I convulse and writhe, sounds of struggle leaving my chapped lips. 

I woke up the next more in a hospital bed. Ran away the same morning with an IV need still stabbed into my skin. I hid, I hid my ugliness from the world and pretended that I was abnormal wolf with a decent background and no beast that birthed and beat me. 

I'm currently living a lie, you see. The pain you don't see is hidden deep, deeper than skin, deeper than muscle, deeper than bone. My soul isn't for anyone to see. 

And I would like to keep it that way.