TO JOE-JOE. REMEMBER YOUR FAVORITE SERIES? IT WAS ON TV TODAY AND I WANTED TO NUDGE YOU AND TELL YOU, BUT YOU JUST WOKE UP AND STARTED YOUR ROUTINE. REMEMBER YOUR FIRST LOVE? SHE WAS TIMID, SHY. YOUNG AND INNOCENT LOVE NEVER FAILED TO MAKE MY HEART SOFTER THAN IT ALREADY WAS. THE GIRL ALWAYS BROUGHT FLOWERS FOR YOU, AND FOR ME. YOU WERE A BRIGHT KID, JOE-JOE. ALWAYS WERE ON TIME IN CLASS, YOU WERE EAGER TO LEARN. EAGER TO EARN YOUR SPOT IN SOCIETY. WHERE DID IT GO WRONG? YOU WERE PERFECTLY FINE THE WAY YOU WERE, MY BOY. YOU DIDN’T NEED TO CHANGE FOR ANYONE ELSE. YET, YOU AND YOUR STUBBORN HEAD TOOK THE WHEEL AND WENT ON A SELF-DESTRUCTIVE TRIP ALL ON YOUR OWN. IT’S SAD TO SEE SUCH A BOY CRACK HIMSELF OPEN AND NOT EVEN ATTEMPT TO GLUE THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER. YOU KNOW, MY BABY. I MADE YOU MYSELF. FOR 9 MONTHS, I CREATED A PRESENT THAT GOD HIMSELF HAD BLESSED ME WITH. NATURE’S BEAUTY. EVEN AS A LITTLE BABY YOU WERE AN EYE CANDY. CUTE EARS, A LITTLE BUTTON NOSE AND THOSE EYES. OH, I WILL NEVER FORGET HOW MUCH THOSE EYES TWINKLED OF YOURS. THEY LOST THEIR SHINE ON SEPTEMBER 13TH 2012. 5 YEARS AFTER YOU STARVED YOURSELF TO THE BRINK OF DEATH. MY BEAUTIFUL BOY, I STILL DON’T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU WERE STILL ABLE TO HIDE IT. YOU ALWAYS LOOKED SLIM, THIN. YET I STILL DIDN’T KNOW HOW BAD YOU WERE RUINING YOURSELF, MY DEAR, DEAR BOY. I FEEL SO GUILTY. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER DOUBTED MY WORRIES AND TOOK ACTION THE SECOND I SAW YOU HUNCHED OVER THE TOILET. MAKING AN EXCUSE THAT TODAY’S DINNER WASN’T TO YOUR LIKING. I GAVE YOU A DAY OFF SCHOOL SO THAT YOU COULD RECOVER, BUT NONETHELESS, YOU STILL DIDN’T EAT TO REGAIN STRENGTH. I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING RIGHT THEN. THE LIGHT IN MY LIFE FADED ON SEPTEMBER 13TH 2012. WHEN YOU DROPPED TO YOUR KNEES RIGHT AFTER YOUR FIRST BITE OF THE.. WHAT.. MONTH? I NEVER PANICKED THAT HARD. MY BABY LYING CONSCIOUSNESS IN FRONT OF ME. AND I COULDN’T DO ANYTHING BUT SCREAM. SCREAM FOR YOU TO WAKE UP. BUT YOU DIDN’T RESPOND. FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT I LOST YOU. OUR NEIGHBOR AT THE TIME HEARD MY SORROW AND DID NOT HESITATE TO KICK THE DOOR IN. PICK YOU UP AND CARRY YOU HIMSELF TO HIS CAR. HIS PHONE SQUEEZED BETWEEN HIS SHOULDERS AND CHEEK AS HE SHOUTED WHAT HE HAD SEEN, EVEN FOR SUCH A SPLIT MOMENT. I WAS FROZEN ON THE SPOT. I DID NOT COME TO YOU. I SHOULD HAVE. BUT I WAS SCARED, MY BABY. SCARED BEYOND LIMITS. THEY WOULD JUDGE ME. THEY WOULD GET IN MY HAIR FOR NOT TAKING CARE OF YOU WELL ENOUGH. BUT I DIDN’T KNOW. I DID NOT KNOW HOW GONE YOU WERE. you were sleeping for a while. i guess your dreams were better than real life. aPRIL 24TH 2013, YOUR BIRTHDAY. FIRST MOVEMENTS. IT WAS AS IF I WAS WATCHING YOU TAKE YOUR FIRST BABY STEPS AGAIN. FIRST UP WAS A SLIGHT TREMBLE OF YOUR FINGERS. THEN, THEY TENSED UP AND SOON AFTER I COULD LOOK YOU IN THE EYES AGAIN. MY BABY WAS AWAKE. I WAS SO HAPPY TO SEE YOU. BUT YOU WERE NOT HAPPY TO SEE ME. THE DOCTORS DIAGNOSED YOU WITH “KORSAKOFF’S SYNDROME”. YOU LACKED SO MANY THIAMINE THAT YOUR BRAIN SHUT DOWN ON ITSELF. I CRIED. I CRIED TILL I COULD NOT ANYMORE. AND EVEN THEN I HAD THE SHEER NEED TO SCREAM MY LUNGS OUT, UNTIL THEY WERE GONE AS WELL. MY BABY COULD NOT REMEMBER MY FACE ANYMORE. NOT EVEN HIS OWN NAME. WHERE HE WAS OR WHY HE ENDED UP THERE. I HAD TO TELL YOU IT ALL OVER AGAIN. I HAD TO TELL YOUR OWN LIFE STORY TO YOU. REMEMBER WHEN YOUR EYES LIT UP AGAIN? IT WAS OCTOBER 2nd 2013. YOU REMEMBERED ME. but a slight ache was left when i remembered your routine. day in, day out you forced yourself to not forget me. andIF YOU CAN’T REMEMBER, I WILL. AND I WILL HELP YOU THROUGH ANYTHING. SINCERELY, YOUR MOTHER.

AFTER READING IT, I REMEMBERED- OR YET, I TRIED TO. I TRIED TO FORM A VISUAL MEMORY ACCORDING TO HER. 

JOE SUFFERS FROM KORSAKOFF'S SYNDROME. HE NEEDS A PAPER AND PEN AT HAND AT ALL TIMES, WRITING DOWN THE THINGS HE NEEDS TO REMEMBER. IT'S A HASSLE. HE HATES IT. HE HATES NOT BEING ABLE TO REMEMBER SIMPLE THINGS. THAT'S WHY HE FOLLOWS A STRICT ROUTINE EVERY DAY, ALL DAY. HE HAS IT WRITTEN ON THE WALL OF HIS BEDROOM, BATHROOM AND KITCHEN. IF HE WALKS BY, HE CAN REMIND HIMSELF TO DRINK AND MOST IMPORTANTLY OF ALL, EAT. 

he works at an animal shelter, where he takes care of the animals according to a list he needs to check off. usually, they let him feed the puppies or clean up the mess.