his childhood unfurled the way any would only hope for. casual summer evenings spent by the lake. fingertips cherry-stained in weeping popsicles. a pup named "max" of all things who kept company at his heels. aussie-born and baked in the fevered throes of boyhood, christian yu sustained every ounce of normalcy for as long as he could.

even when the hospital visits began.

as a child, he dismissed the frequent check-ups. severed his attention from "x-ray tunnels" and prickling blood draws for the grape flavored lollipops promised each time. but at the tender age of seven, finally adhering long enough to his mother's tearful gaze to pose concern- he inquired why he spent more time with the doctors than the other kids in class. they broke it to him as gently as a young boy could comprehend: a tiny lump in his brain that caused all of those weird "naps" his teachers complained about. the same one that scattered spots across his vision and rendered pulsations between his temples. the tumor, itself, was benign (whatever that meant to him at the time), but it's position only caused a slow suffocation for the vessels anywhere near it. at the time, he could only blink and return back to his puzzles. but deep down he knew it could only mean bad news... because in his young mind, anything that caused his mother to cry as she had could only ever be an abhorrence to him.

as the years dissolved, christian spent his adolescence delving in rebellion. he skipped classes for parkour in the streets, slipped cocktails of drugs in his pockets, had his first tattoo given to him by his (admittedly talented) crush. his parents believed him to be showing out for attention. his teachers dismissed it as a boy aiming to find himself. but christian, himself, believed he was only towing the line as devil's advocate. his household was a religious one, the type that prayed over the digression of his tumor, that type that held hands at church and sang in the sermons and exposed their boy as "the miracle". but by this time, christian was all but finished with it. to him, if a god truly existed, he wouldn't be tangoing with death every morning. to him, if a god existed, he wouldn't fear for his life every time he shut his eyes. chrstian had found no means to wield a hapless faith that his parents had, even if it was meant for himself. instead, he challenged them and all that they stood for... daring his death to inch a little bit closer since it seemed so guaranteed. and with his lifespan clenching his throat like a noose, he couldn't help but question what the point was... in the little things others fretted over each day. in planning for a future that wasn't even guaranteed to him. he adopted the philosophy of living each day as if it was his last, but twisted it to his own, perilous design to favor his antics. and for the most part, it worked...

His first real love was with a girl that loathed the man she had given herself to. she loathed watching him waste himself to carelessness just to give into mortality. she loathed how little he envisioned for himself and his dawning future. she gave him an ultimatum as graduation approached: pull himself together or she'd leave. he didn't give her a second thought before she walked away from him. it was addiction of sorts, this need to feel alive while simultaneously threatening his safety. because with everything he did, he recognized that fleeting fight-or-flight need to protect himself... the indescribable will to live. and the realization of that dormant desire in him drove him into a deeper wake-up call than anyone else could. he studied for the of it. graduated with just enough to make it to a good college for the of it. opted into a career based on fitness and well-being, a passion he'd had since his earlier years spent in the gym. he hadn't the capability to remain as a physical trainer, so instead he chose to work behind the scenes as a sports nutritionist. with his father's help (who was more than overjoyed to see his son finally falling on an assured path), he bought out a small health club chain to expand and embellish. it had taken him over two decades, but christian yu finally found the means to make a living... to follow a trail he could carve on his own while his footfalls still existed.

at age 25, he permanently lost his appetite. found himself vomitting more than he could stomach, until he was deemed anorexic. he still kept his career, though. ironically, one doesn't need food to prescribe it to others...

his blackouts only frequented to daily occurences, usually whenever he chanced a minute to rest. it only heightened his desire for danger. embarking in rock climbing, hand gliding, skydiving... anything to procure the fix he'd been longing for. he suited the term "daredevil" rather nicely by then--- as he found himself literally daring the devil to take him, to end his questioning... for christian yu was a patient man, but he couldn't stand a questionably hesitant existence. and it seemed, once again, the god his parents committed themselves to for so long was abandoning him...

so he decided to be the first to turn his back.

upon receiving his invitation to join the ranks of a company called "sweet tooth", chrstian was almost certain he'd gone mad. a company that willingly admitted to commiting humans to symbiotic relationships with fallen angels of all things. it was ridiculous, downright blasphemous at best. and yet he found himself intrigued. here he was, skirting around a demise he almost wished for. and now was his chance to meet the devil face to face. there was something riveting about that, like coming home to a place he'd never known. christian didn't spare a minute before accepting, surrendering his fate (and his time) to the people that worked there. to him, he had nothing left to lose... nothing he truly cared about beyond his own entertainment. as a sugar baby, he seeks only a good time (as his father's provisions and his own savings are more than enough to secure him a life of basic comforts). he wishes for that desire to live again, to stay living. he seeks someone who can make him regret himself, someone who could endow in him the urge to treasure his mortality.

even if it costs him just that.