Zhengting was nothing more than an innocent kid who surely grew up within a well wealthy household, but at the same time a very religious and strict household. One that had no gaps for mistakes an excuses. And he was the perfect child anyone whished for. He played the role so well that he almost believed it himself. But things couldn't be peaceful for the rest of his life, no troubles had to find their way in and just mess up with everything he had been building for years. Zhengting first discovered that he was attracted to males was rather early. It was in middle school. He came to notice that he almost shared no interest with his follow male classmates who talked about nothing but cute girls. On the other hand zhengting found his desk mate more attractive than any of these girls. But obviously he would never say that outloud. So he hide it away from the boy, his family, the whole world and most importantly even himself. As more time passed, Zhengting reached highschool. aND OBVIOUSLY LIFE HAD TO GET EVEN MORE COMPLICATED WITH HIM; hIS DESK MATE ENDED UP BECOMING THE VERY ATHLETIC POPULAR BOY, cliche, right? Yet, zhengting still loved the boy with all his heart. No matter how many girls he saw him kissing, no matter how many rumors floated about him. And then there was that night, the night he thought was his dream night only for it to turn into a nightmare the next morning. Zhengting managed to sneak outhis house for this party his friends wanted to go to. They all get wasted, being stupid teenagers, and zhengting was no expecption, only he was even more stupid. He met who he thought was the love of his life then and confessed to him. The boy seemed just as intoxicated as him. One thing led to another and they ended up sleeping together, or what zhengting thought at the time "made love with each other"

When the next morning came by, zhengting felt on cloud nine, he couldn't believe the boy he loved for years may actually like him, and they could be a thing. maybe life was working his way for the first time in a while. how idiotic he was. The second he stepped into the hallways if his highschool everyone turned to look at him, people whispered to each other, some even glared at him. And zhengting didn't understand what was going on, at least not for a whole, not until his friends showed him his picture head to toe making an expression that showed he was just coming off the high of , there was on his stomach, his s were hard, barely softening, and zhengting felt sick to the stomack.

so he puked, once, twice, three times, and even more. He emptied everything in his stomach, yet he couldn't get that image out of his head. The whole scool mocked him, no one wanted to believe him, not even most of his friends. Everyone said he was a , one who would sleep with anyone and everyone, one who would put such pictures of himself in the internet just for attention. Zhengting wanted to tell them to shut up, to tell them this isn't the truth, and he did, he really tried to let them know he was the victim there, yet no one cared about what he had to say since he had no evidence about his words.

soon after his parents found out somehow, his mother had a break down and his father almost beaten him up to death. There was no place for a gay son in their family, let alone a hoe of a son. No one wanted him at that time. No one care about him. And that's how he started to find comfort in other things. If everyone really believed he was that , so why not just go around and be a . and that's what he did. He started sleeping around with anyone willing, he ended up cutting himself more than once just to feel like he's alive, and then he got addicted to drugs.

his family didn't bring the matter again, as if it never existed even after all the years. and they slowly drifted apart, him becoming just a stranger they're spending their money on. And by then, zhengting could care less about that.

and here there is zhengting now. a drug addict, a addict, and a person who doesn't feel alive unless he hurts himself or make others hurt and abuse him. it's certainly not what he had in mind about his future self when he was younger. but now he could see that one mistake could destroy a person's whole life.

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a very straight forward guy, that's zhengting. He hates beating around the bush, and he would express what he thinks straight into your face, whether you like it or no. he legit doesn't  care about anyone else's feelings, heck he doesn't even consider his own feelings anymore. now being able to feel only a certain number of feelings such as pleasure, pain, and not a lot more.

he would never openly discuss his past matters, not to you and not to anyone else because the subject is a forbidden one.

he gets high whenever he feels needy only to end up feeling even more needy so he goes for then.

he studies premed, so he may advice you about things he doesn't even follow, considering he's doing the most things that could ruin both his body and soul.

he's the type who talks before thinking of his words. so a lof ot times he says randoms things, or mean things, ones that he never intended to say in such a harsh way.

he doesn't believe in love, and certainly not in anything outside of a ual relationship. because now he knows what could a person who holds so much power over you do. and it's all because of that cursed love and unwanted feelings.