Personal Message
Description
I never imagined I would fall for you.
Maybe I'm silly, for thinking I could resist the pull.
When I first got to know you outside of idol life, I came to see how magnetic you truly are.
On the daily, I would be drawn to you.
Nobody else had that effect on me, and even now it's solely you.
Somehow you entirely captivate me, and I fall deeper and deeper as time passes.
How do you hold my heart so easily?
I still can't find the words to explain what I feel outside of the generic "I love you".
Keeping myself from you is something I seem to struggle with, especially when one day seems too long.
I know you said I am enough, but I want to be more.
Love is a complicated emotion.
One of both good and bad feelings, a balance needs to be found.
Vaguely, I know I haven't found that balance yet.
Every day I get to even glimpse at you, I can see I need to make some personal improvements.
You're so patience with me, and I can't thank you enough for being so.
One day I'll find a way to express all the love and admiration for you.
Until then, read this and realise there's more to it than meets the eye.
To Ravi from Kai part 2:
Monday to Sunday, you've been here for me
On all the good days,
On all the bad days.
Never has a day passed now where I don't get something from you
But is it because I annoy you?
Even I know that's not the case, heh.
Any time you reach to me, I know it's because you want to.
Maybe because you even need to.
No one has the affect on me that you do.
Even my past girlfriends, and I told you the story there about them.
Videos of you are nothing like being in your physical company.
Every moment that I get to be by your side is irreplaceable.
Really, I wish I could teach you more about your self worth.
Granted, I can be so annoying and frustrating,
I can drive you to insanity and cringe at everything I say.
Virtually, I make it so you want to tape my mouth shut!
Eventually, I'll learn more what I should or shouldn't do.
Until I learn everything though, will you keep being patient?
Patient, and caring, just as you always have been.
To Ravi from Kai part 3:
My moonlight,
Normally when I do these, I make them hidden messages too but I didn't want to use that format for this. Not for this.
When I first got the chance to spend time with you, it was never my intention to fall. I had wanted to be a friend, someone you could joke with and share the bad days with. As well as someone to enjoy the good. A friend to call up at stupid hours of the night when you wanted company to eat some food or go for a walk. The more time I spent with you, I came to learn just how much more I wanted.
To be away from you is like not breathing. It's hard and I'm left gasping, drowning and in need of oxygen in my lungs to survive. You are my oxygen. You keep me afloat and alive. I knew, that if I let you go, I'd be broken and I didn't want that. So I took that risk, and I kissed you even though I knew you would punch me for it. Your fiery personality is something I've always enjoyed about you. Enjoyed how you always speak what's on your head without softening the blow. If you don't like something, you say so with no sugar coating.
I've always admired, how you can slip into any conversation and sound like you were a part of it from the beginning, even if you only just joined in. People respond well to you. I'll admit, I would be jealous. Of Key, of Sungho. You click so well with them and they adore you, you can tell by how they are around you. If I wasn't secure in our relationship, I'd feel threatened.
But you made it clear to me where your heart lies. It took a long while, a lot of patience and careful advances. Never wanting to push too hard or too slow, to open you up to the idea of love and commitment. To think we are on the climb to four months, of being official. All this time. And still I admire, love and care about you like the day I first realised my emotions.
I love you, Kim Wonshik. With so much of me. I would give you everything I can, my entire being if I could, to keep you happy, to keep you content and feeling loved as you deserve to be.
Happy Birthday, Wonshik.
My Moonlight. My Moonbeam. The Pearl of my Heart.
Happy birthday, and Happy Valentine's Day.
Always yours,
Kim Jongin.
