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Description
恐れ
恐れ
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full name
yan an
age
twenty three
orientation
panual
occupation
witch
writing
3rd multi para
timezone
gmt+8
history
as a child, yan an had never had much of a choice. his future had always been mapped out for him, decided upon by adults that always thought they knew what was best for him. he was an omen, they claimed, a warning of the dark times to come. he was a taboo, a mistake — and for a long time, he believed everything that they told him.
yan an never knew his mother. he'd heard the gist of what had happened to her, what she'd done — she'd seduced a priest and gave birth to a son she'd promptly named yan an, before disappearing completely, leaving the infant on the doorstep of the church. all she'd left behind was a slip of paper that contained his name and his father's name — and from then on, yan an became the bane of his church's existence.
the sin of the parent is the sin of the child, they told him — and so, it was as if young little yan an had committed the crime himself, and had bedded a woman despite his non-existent vow of chastity. they immediately made him work as an altar boy, having him do chores for the church and treating him as nothing more than a sinful slave to order around.
truth be told, he never really knew exactly who his father was — only that he was a priest. all the priests treated him like he was a sinner, one that they needed to "save" despite him having done nothing wrong — and for a long, long time, yan an took all the whisperings, the sermons, the beatings — he took all of it in stride.
because for a while, he did believe it — he was a sinner, and he needed to repent for his crimes against the church, even if his only crime seemed to be his existence.
yan an had been homeschooled his whole life, the priests and deacons unwilling to let such a disgrace to their image leave the premises of the church. they couldn't exactly let him show his face in public, either — what with the bruises all over his body from all the beatings he'd receive from many of the clergy — from the priests, to the deacons, to his fellow altar boys. they all knew him as the boy that should have never been born, and they treated him promptly.
he tried to leave many, many times — tried to run away and show others his bruises. but no one believed him. he was a child of the church, after all. there was no way they would ever willingly harm a single soul. he would always be taken back to the place he was forced to call home, and was punished for ever trying to run away — eventually, he gave up.
or so he thought.
yan an began to reach the rebellious phase of his life. although his free time was limited to mostly errands, he would go out to bookstores and libraries to explore and to discover things that his teachers refused to let him learn — and one of these things was witchcraft.
at first, he began to read up on it simply out of spite — the priests often preached against it, claiming it was the work of the devil, and yan an simply wanted to hold something against them. over time, he developed an actual interest in witchcraft, and borrowed such books from the library, saving up what little money he was given to purchase items — crystals, herbs, tarot cards — for a good while, yan an was able to keep it a secret, and all was good. it made him calmer, gave him more clarity, more direction than anyone in the church could ever try to force on him.
but then, one of his fellow altar boys discovered his tarot cards — ironically enough, the first card that had been spotted was the devil.
immediately, he was shunned, shamed, and beaten for partaking in such crimes against the church — they ransacked his tiny room and searched for everything in his collection, tossing it out as yan an watched in dismay. they called him a demon child and forced him to kneel in the confessional for hours every single day, asking god to grant him forgiveness for such a crime. they robbed him of what little privileges he had, sometimes even forcing him to go days without a single meal.
life was difficult in those years, but yan an laid low. he'd made a decision by then — he wouldn't stay here any longer than he needed to. tolerating the abuse for a few more years, yan an left the church at exactly midnight on his 19th birthday, never once looking back at the horrible place he'd been forced to call home his whole life.
yan an struggled with finding a job for a few years, and for a while, he was homeless — but a kindly old lady took him in, offering him food and shelter in exchange for his services at the local antiques shop. she had no family that was willing to inherit the place, and as soon as she noticed yan an's interest in the intricate pieces within the shop, she knew he would be right for the job. the old lady even allowed him to do tarot readings in the back room once he purchased a new deck, giving him a little extra money to continue pursuing witchcraft.
the old lady had passed away only a year after she took him in, but yan an continues to keep the antiques shop going strong in memory of the only person that has ever supported him in his whole life.
yan an never knew his mother. he'd heard the gist of what had happened to her, what she'd done — she'd seduced a priest and gave birth to a son she'd promptly named yan an, before disappearing completely, leaving the infant on the doorstep of the church. all she'd left behind was a slip of paper that contained his name and his father's name — and from then on, yan an became the bane of his church's existence.
the sin of the parent is the sin of the child, they told him — and so, it was as if young little yan an had committed the crime himself, and had bedded a woman despite his non-existent vow of chastity. they immediately made him work as an altar boy, having him do chores for the church and treating him as nothing more than a sinful slave to order around.
truth be told, he never really knew exactly who his father was — only that he was a priest. all the priests treated him like he was a sinner, one that they needed to "save" despite him having done nothing wrong — and for a long, long time, yan an took all the whisperings, the sermons, the beatings — he took all of it in stride.
because for a while, he did believe it — he was a sinner, and he needed to repent for his crimes against the church, even if his only crime seemed to be his existence.
yan an had been homeschooled his whole life, the priests and deacons unwilling to let such a disgrace to their image leave the premises of the church. they couldn't exactly let him show his face in public, either — what with the bruises all over his body from all the beatings he'd receive from many of the clergy — from the priests, to the deacons, to his fellow altar boys. they all knew him as the boy that should have never been born, and they treated him promptly.
he tried to leave many, many times — tried to run away and show others his bruises. but no one believed him. he was a child of the church, after all. there was no way they would ever willingly harm a single soul. he would always be taken back to the place he was forced to call home, and was punished for ever trying to run away — eventually, he gave up.
or so he thought.
yan an began to reach the rebellious phase of his life. although his free time was limited to mostly errands, he would go out to bookstores and libraries to explore and to discover things that his teachers refused to let him learn — and one of these things was witchcraft.
at first, he began to read up on it simply out of spite — the priests often preached against it, claiming it was the work of the devil, and yan an simply wanted to hold something against them. over time, he developed an actual interest in witchcraft, and borrowed such books from the library, saving up what little money he was given to purchase items — crystals, herbs, tarot cards — for a good while, yan an was able to keep it a secret, and all was good. it made him calmer, gave him more clarity, more direction than anyone in the church could ever try to force on him.
but then, one of his fellow altar boys discovered his tarot cards — ironically enough, the first card that had been spotted was the devil.
immediately, he was shunned, shamed, and beaten for partaking in such crimes against the church — they ransacked his tiny room and searched for everything in his collection, tossing it out as yan an watched in dismay. they called him a demon child and forced him to kneel in the confessional for hours every single day, asking god to grant him forgiveness for such a crime. they robbed him of what little privileges he had, sometimes even forcing him to go days without a single meal.
life was difficult in those years, but yan an laid low. he'd made a decision by then — he wouldn't stay here any longer than he needed to. tolerating the abuse for a few more years, yan an left the church at exactly midnight on his 19th birthday, never once looking back at the horrible place he'd been forced to call home his whole life.
yan an struggled with finding a job for a few years, and for a while, he was homeless — but a kindly old lady took him in, offering him food and shelter in exchange for his services at the local antiques shop. she had no family that was willing to inherit the place, and as soon as she noticed yan an's interest in the intricate pieces within the shop, she knew he would be right for the job. the old lady even allowed him to do tarot readings in the back room once he purchased a new deck, giving him a little extra money to continue pursuing witchcraft.
the old lady had passed away only a year after she took him in, but yan an continues to keep the antiques shop going strong in memory of the only person that has ever supported him in his whole life.
personality
樹ヌレカ埼隅スクラニ社織ヌコウハ物変明づめすぶ研烈掲フキ紹無ワユカ参詐シスレク月姿ヱツユ豊需コア得義ンゃけく経載つ試織は誘大勝ホ毎也付俣妃ち。禁を転事ナセシサ来上リヤ化曜サラヌリ番田ぞび充取礎二ツワカハ読回提ざめも済天べつぽり間会越キ国組書色な。連が久健ヌソウフ愛和にうむ載像過くべぞ際経めくきレ加芸ぱさ要記スー育検のぽふだ政冷42募ょぎ民注ぞ持驚び劇磨範トお。栄フ交水べぴ護命じれ街渉者トレげ美撲イヨヌ暮式ぞ特計へろぎふ訪温ルクカ記真げイ代預重ん呼牧をすー足典勲悔あリ。
国コソミヤ百上フが探点ラホナ市二イ多制だれ来就イヤ勝均タエラ旨数設樹ヌレカ埼隅スクラニ社織ヌコウハ物変明づめすぶ研烈掲フキ紹無ワユカ参詐シスレク月姿ヱツユ豊需コア得義ンゃけく経載つ試織は誘大勝ホ毎也付俣妃ち。禁を転事ナセシサ来上リヤ化曜サラヌリ番田ぞび充取礎二ツワカハ読回提ざめも済天べつぽり間会越キ国組書色な。連が久健ヌソウフ愛和にうむ載像過くべぞ際経めくきレ加芸ぱさ要記スー育検のぽふだ政冷ろぎふ訪温ルクカ記真げイ代預重ん呼牧をすー足典勲悔あリ。国コソミヤ百上フが探点ラホナ市二イ多制だれ来就イヤ勝均タエラ旨数設。
国コソミヤ百上フが探点ラホナ市二イ多制だれ来就イヤ勝均タエラ旨数設樹ヌレカ埼隅スクラニ社織ヌコウハ物変明づめすぶ研烈掲フキ紹無ワユカ参詐シスレク月姿ヱツユ豊需コア得義ンゃけく経載つ試織は誘大勝ホ毎也付俣妃ち。禁を転事ナセシサ来上リヤ化曜サラヌリ番田ぞび充取礎二ツワカハ読回提ざめも済天べつぽり間会越キ国組書色な。連が久健ヌソウフ愛和にうむ載像過くべぞ際経めくきレ加芸ぱさ要記スー育検のぽふだ政冷ろぎふ訪温ルクカ記真げイ代預重ん呼牧をすー足典勲悔あリ。国コソミヤ百上フが探点ラホナ市二イ多制だれ来就イヤ勝均タエラ旨数設。
out of character
one. YOU CAN CALL ME BY MY MUSE'S NAME, BUT I ALSO GO BY GAO. MY TIMEZONE IS GMT+8, AND I'M A COLLEGE STUDENT, MEANING MY ACTIVITY IS SPORADIC. I DO TRY TO BE ON HERE A LOT, BECAUSE I'VE GOT LOTS OF MUSE AND THIS RP IS LIKE OUR BRAIN BABY HEH
two. AS MENTIONED, PM ME FOR PLOTTING AND FOR ADMIN CONCERNS! THE CHAT GETS TOO FAST FOR MY OLD EYES SOMETIMES, SO TO BE SURE I DON'T MISS ANYTHING, PLEASE DO PM ME. I DO TRY TO ADDRESS ANY AND ALL CONCERNS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. PLEASE DON'T POST ON MY WALL EITHER; I USE ROOMS FOR RPING.
three. I SAY I PREFER PLOTTING OVER WINGING, BUT NGL, PLOTTING IS PRETTY HARD AND I MAY NOT HAVE MUCH TO CONTRIBUTE, BUT I DO TRY! I LIKE TO HAVE AT LEAST AN IDEA OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHARACTERS BEFORE WINGING.
four. SINCE I HAVE A LOT OF MUSE, MY REPLIES CAN GET PRETTY LONG. I AM, HOWEVER, A PHAT MIRRORER, SO IF YOU PREFER SHORTER REPLIES, I'LL GO AHEAD AND FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.
five. REPLY SPEED CAN BE PRETTY SLOW SINCE I'M AT UNI MOST OF THE DAY, SO PLEASE DON'T POKE ME. REST ASSURED, I WILL GET TO YOUR REPLY. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME I'M BABY UWU
six. THIS IS A HORROR RP AS I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW, AND HONESTLY, I HAVE VERY, VERY FEW LIMITS. SO I'LL PROBABLY BE UP FOR ANYTHING, REALLY! HIT ME WITH ALL YOUR ED UP THOUGHTS JK. AS MENTIONED, YANAN'S A WITCH, BUT SOME OF HIS PRACTICES CAN GET PRETTY ED UP SINCE HIS MORALS ARE KINDA WEIRD, SO DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH THAT INFORMATION!
seven. IF YOU'VE GOT ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME, EITHER OOC, ABOUT MY CHARACTERS, OR ABOUT THE RP ITSELF, DON'T HESITATE TO APPROACH ME! I'M FRIENDLY ENOUGH UWU AND I WANT EVERYONE TO ENJOY THEIR TIME HERE IN SPIRALS
two. AS MENTIONED, PM ME FOR PLOTTING AND FOR ADMIN CONCERNS! THE CHAT GETS TOO FAST FOR MY OLD EYES SOMETIMES, SO TO BE SURE I DON'T MISS ANYTHING, PLEASE DO PM ME. I DO TRY TO ADDRESS ANY AND ALL CONCERNS AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. PLEASE DON'T POST ON MY WALL EITHER; I USE ROOMS FOR RPING.
three. I SAY I PREFER PLOTTING OVER WINGING, BUT NGL, PLOTTING IS PRETTY HARD AND I MAY NOT HAVE MUCH TO CONTRIBUTE, BUT I DO TRY! I LIKE TO HAVE AT LEAST AN IDEA OF THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN CHARACTERS BEFORE WINGING.
four. SINCE I HAVE A LOT OF MUSE, MY REPLIES CAN GET PRETTY LONG. I AM, HOWEVER, A PHAT MIRRORER, SO IF YOU PREFER SHORTER REPLIES, I'LL GO AHEAD AND FOLLOW YOUR LEAD.
five. REPLY SPEED CAN BE PRETTY SLOW SINCE I'M AT UNI MOST OF THE DAY, SO PLEASE DON'T POKE ME. REST ASSURED, I WILL GET TO YOUR REPLY. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME I'M BABY UWU
six. THIS IS A HORROR RP AS I'M SURE YOU ALL KNOW, AND HONESTLY, I HAVE VERY, VERY FEW LIMITS. SO I'LL PROBABLY BE UP FOR ANYTHING, REALLY! HIT ME WITH ALL YOUR ED UP THOUGHTS JK. AS MENTIONED, YANAN'S A WITCH, BUT SOME OF HIS PRACTICES CAN GET PRETTY ED UP SINCE HIS MORALS ARE KINDA WEIRD, SO DO WHAT YOU WILL WITH THAT INFORMATION!
seven. IF YOU'VE GOT ANY QUESTIONS FOR ME, EITHER OOC, ABOUT MY CHARACTERS, OR ABOUT THE RP ITSELF, DON'T HESITATE TO APPROACH ME! I'M FRIENDLY ENOUGH UWU AND I WANT EVERYONE TO ENJOY THEIR TIME HERE IN SPIRALS