the crown prince of goguryeo...

never in his life has jaehyun been in control of his decisions. from the day he was born, everything, absolutely everything, from the what he ate, what he wore, all the way to how he walked was a carefully calculated choice made by the royal advisers to groom him to be the most reliable king. there was barely a moment in time where he could live as jaehyun the boy and not jaehyun the crown prince. but, like any good son, he accepted his role and he strived to fulfill it as flawlessly as he could. he let the world rob him of his childhood, his freedom, and his free will so he could be the person they expected him to be. perhaps it was all worth it, for one day, they promised, that he'd have the throne and the weight of the crown on his head.

so why was it when he grew up to be the strong, brave, courageous man that everyone wanted him to be, he was still letting everyone down. was everyday he spent in the barracks, training to be able to lead and to bear the burdens of the nation on his shoulders not enough? were the bullets he took on the front lines when serving in the wars for the nation not enough? were the sleepless nights he spent staring at the ceiling in the company of his demons not enough? there wasn't a single thing he had done that wasn't for the benefit of the nation so why was he not enough?

it didn't take long for him to realise that he'd never be enough, not when there were more gifted, more calculative, and more loveable members of the royal families out there. he would never be what the nation needed. though the revelation inspired him to take back control of his life, it didn't inspire him to be a better man. it inspired him to be a better leader. he ruled and instigated authority on the basis of fear, wanting to make sure that no one would steal from him again. not his land, not his money, and not his status. whatever he did from that point on was not for the benefit of the nation, but for himself and his glory.

this is the jaehyun most commonly seen today. he's irrational, easily agitated and unnecessarily provocative. he'll attack you before you get a chance to even think about harming a hair on his pretty little head. he is no longer the obedient and agreeable little boy the nation watched grow up, but rather, he is the stranger often witnessed on tv threatening neighbouring lands. this is the soldier who has the entire navy fleet at his beck and call. this is the jaehyun that even the king, his own father, feared.

jaehyun ...

jaehyun, born the eldest son of goguryeo had his fate laid out as soon as his parents knew his gender. they were traditional folks, they wanted a boy as their leading royal, barely thinking of his elder sisters as possible rulers for the great aerok. he was moulded into what the king saw fit for a ruler. he was educated by the best and trained by the best. what could possibly go wrong?

he spent most of his childhood with the knights, royal advisors and the other leading royals only seeing his siblings and parents occasionally. as he got older, there were more and more tasks he had to handle and his spare time for his siblings disappeared quickly preventing him from establishing anything close to a decent relationship with his younger siblings. it was a shame, but sacrificing family was nothing in comparison to the responsibilities and the reward of inevitably being king, right?

when he reached his teen years, the people of aerok and his father seemed to find comparing him to his peers to be the best method of motivation. they never failed to remind him that his temper would never let him be as good as diplomacy as prince jeonghan, his impulsiveness would never make him as favourable as princess chaeyoung, and his impatience would never let him be as calculative as prince wonwoo. his mother would side with the king and point out all the qualities his siblings had that he lacked. like jennie's compassion or seulgi's ability to act rather than just say. it was clear to jaehyun that he was clearly a laughable contender for the throne and that he was still far from being ready for the king. despite the ramifications of the comments on jaehyun's mental health, it did prove to be somewhat effective as he worked harder and harder to be what the people expected of him.

he eagerly prepared to be a great soldier, ready to fight for aerok and show his unwavering devotion. he learnt how to assemble guns, how to use his fists the most effectively, and how to kill most efficiently. this was the knowledge that he often thinks he could've perhaps done without although everyone around him told him otherwise. it was clear it was taking a toll on him. death clouded his mind and his ability to kill did too. persistent demons would whisper in his ear and taunt him with thoughts that left him breathless and his heart racing. but, he'd never act upon their suggestions. at least not yet.

the king had originally scheduled his deployment for when he was sixteen until he suddenly changed his plans and announced his engagement with chaeyoung. it was all for show, really. they wanted to show the goguryeo and silla alliance through a grand gesture. jaehyun wasn't against it for he was quite fond of chaeyoung and he expected it from the very start. they were the same age, she was the nation's princess and he was the crown prince. it just made sense. part of jaehyun believed it was used to distract the nation from the growing mistrust in his ability to rule. but he didn't mind. it kept the focus away from his faults and to the happiness of their engagement instead. he liked believing he was in love and happy like the headlines suggested even if it was apparent to anyone with eyes that he was not.

it was also around this time that the king of goguryeo had made it obvious that jaehyun was not his favourite but rather prince jeonghan was. jaehyun could see why though, even he thought jeonghan would be a better king, he was always just better. it was one of the many reasons jaehyun admired and adored jeonghan as much as he did. he grew up by the older boy's side and he followed him around constantly to the point that when it was time to part, there wasn't ever an instance where he wouldn't bawl his little eyes out and end up in a fit of hiccups begging for jeonghan to sleep over. they'd sneak into the archery range together and spend their summer nights (poorly) shooting the targets with their tiny bows or they'd spend their winter nights huddling in front of the spectacular goguryeo fireplace with hot chocolates up to their red noses while jeonghan would read to him and somehow end up waking up in the morning all tangled up in each other's limbs. but alas, the whispers of the media and all those around him couldn't bear to see them happy. the media headlines taught him he was supposed to despise the older boy, that he was traitorous for leaving him behind to inevitably fail, and that he was indeed trying to steal the throne away from him. he didn't want to believe it but how could he not when that was the information shoved into his naive face in the morning. it caused a strain on their relationship, no doubt, and jaehyun began to drift away, thanking the heavens when he was finally able to fly out and station on the frontlines of their war at the age of 19.

jaehyun, now a man and a soldier, had spent two years of his life in the army and he thanks sehun, youngho, and dohwan for keeping him sane throughout it all. he was especially grateful to the captain. after all, he was the one who had taught him the ways of a soldier and had been the older brother jaehyun never had. though, he appreciated the three of them for always having his back when even his people seemed to be losing faith in him. however, despite the comradery that jaehyun gained from his service, being on the front lines certainly had its downsides and he was quickly sent back home after suffering from too much stress. he couldn't sleep, he couldn't eat, and he couldn't think about anything other than the pain he invoked on to others. sure, it was for his country but at what cost?

returning to aerok didn't give him the peace of mind he was hoping for. not when everyone was once again telling him how incompetent he was for the crown. how his intentions behind going to war were twisted by the press and made to seem as though he was cowardly and running away from his responsibilities. 'how can the crown prince lead if he's never in aerok anyway? we don't need him when jeonghan and the other leading royals are the one doing most of the work for the nation.' he wondered if he lost more sleep at home than he did where he was stationed, regardless, the world left him burnt out, exasperated and desperate for a safe haven. which is why he returned to jeonghan for what safer place is there than the arms of the one person he adored and the one person he knew adored him back unconditionally. but their encounter turns to the worst rather quickly as he fails to keep the demons in his mind at bay.

it all happens too quickly. he doesn't remember when he struck and he didn't think he was as strong as he was. he was just angry. lost. hopeless. but somehow, he ended up on the floor clutching jeonghan's lifeless body to his chest, caressing his cheeks in a pathetic attempt to wipe away his tears that had fallen across the other's pale cheeks amidst his choked out sobs. 'wake up. hyung, please wake up.' but it was pointless. the prince was dead and jaehyun had his blood on his hands. but the next morning, he wakes up to the news that the late prince had in fact suffered in an accident and not death. relief washes over him but so does panic and he rushes to the hospital to find him. what would happen when the people find out that he was the person behind the accident? but it seems he need not worry about it because jeonghan doesn't remember it. or anything before that morning. jaehyun is filled with reassurance upon knowing he wouldn't be caught but he's also filled with great anguish. all the moments they had spent together were gone. the moments they laughed or cried or just spent beside one another were gone. any evidence of the way they poured their heart and soul into each other the night prior was gone. it was as if it made no difference whether jeonghan was alive or dead, but at least he could resent him and break off whatever they had without the pain of knowing he hurt him. at least there was that.

jaehyun's 23 now and fully groomed to be the crown prince and ready to take the crown away from the ill king but his attitude lacks greatly. he had little love to give now, be it for his siblings, his fiancée, or even for aerok. but loving the latter would be awfully naive for it was so very blatant that aerok did not love him. his father still favours jeonghan, never failing to remind him at any given opportunity and he was still fuelled by a burning ball of resentment. there were little joys in jaehyun's life though- like his moments out in aerok with princess seulgi where he thinks that maybe he could love aerok if this was the aerok he lived in; or his moments with dohwan and jennie who let him act like the little brother and child at heart that he could never be around anyone else; or spending time with his fiancée who let him be him for a while and who was always there to take the burden of the crown from him; or even occasionally his flings who made him feel like he could be loved again, romantically that is. but alas, through it all he still gained unhealthy habits to cope with the stress. nothing out of the ordinary just drinking, smoking and recreational drugs. it wasn't healthy but it was the only way he knew to keep waking up in the morning, and it was the only way he could ensure he was strong enough to keep the weight of the crown on his head. the so very heavy weight of the crown.

for now, he is okay, for aerok he is okay. he has to be okay.

War should be the only study of a prince. He should consider peace only as a breathing-time, which gives him leisure to contrive, and furnishes as ability to execute, military plans. 

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