Personal Message
basics.
- Full Name: go dongil
- Faceclaim: han jisung (skz)
- Kingdom: saro
- Designation: noble
- Occupation: scholar (student)
- ual Orientation: homoual
- Romantic Orientation: demiromantic
- Status of Secret? unrevealed
activity.
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1부 .
love was a privilege; scholar go dowon knew as much. he was a man of nobility, and as a child, he had been told that his personal life wasn't his to begin with. his father held him by the throat, had shoved generations and generations of their family's legacy down through it, until there was nothing of him but the idea of being his father's successor left.
simply put, go dowon was nothing but a mere puppet, created to do his father's bidding.
love was a privilege. it truly was. even when he had been engaged to the woman of his ideals, dowon knew not of the feeling of having his attraction be reciprocated. he had merely watched han seyul from afar, had watched over her at a distance as one of the palace guards took her out for a walk. dowon, after all, in all his bleakness, was always kind -- and in his love that has covered his eyes from seeing the truth, he shall be so generous enough even if he was on the losing side of life once more.
love was not something that was handed over in open palms, even for han seyul, even when she was so selfishly seeing another man behind dowon's back, even when she was disobeying her father's orders to not see him again. seyul was all things fleeting and was stubborn -- and her hard-headedness had brought nothing but sadness in the end.
it was a cold winter night when she had come knocking on dowon's doorstep, on her knees and weeping for him to help her once more, and dowon, ever so kind and ever so blind in his love, had taken her into his arms. he held her for the rest of the night. she told him he was pregnant; he knew the child wasn't his. still, he embraced her, had dried her dampened cheeks, had pacified her fears.
but seyul's selfishness doesn't end there. she asked for him to help her elope, something that dowon could not do. for he knew he had the power, but it wasn't his. thus, he only had offered for her to stay, for her to wed him, and make her his wife. he promised her happy days, he promised to love her child, he promised to keep her safe from the repercussions.
he promised her devotion that she could not give, and in the dead of the night when everyone else was asleep, she agreed to it half-heartedly.
they had married the following spring, when her belly was just beginning to show and everyone was speculating that it was the reason why their marriage was hurried. the lady's lover became a general in the infantry; dowon became a minister following his father's retirement. even when the flowers continued to bloom in a cycle through the seasons, even when dowon's eyes never strayed away from seyul, she never had anything but resentment for him.
after all, love was nothing but something uncommon and no matter how noble their life may be, it's something unattainable -- the gold they never had, the flower that never bloomed during spring.
2부
happiness for dowon came in the form of a baby boy born in autumn 21 years ago. his birth was surrounded with luck, it seemed -- the cosmos were in full bloom, and the sparrows sang -- and minister go wanted nothing but harmony and love to befall him and their family. he had named him dongil, his name a derivative of that of his father's and mother's combined. but such is the only thing that his mother could give him, her attention only ever reserved for his older half-brother, the son of the man lady seyul had had eyes for even before her marriage.
dongil's father, however, wasn't neglectful. they both shared the same longing for the woman, after all, albeit on different aspects and levels of love. hence, dowon poured every inch of his unrequited affection unto his son, raised him in a way that his late father never did, in a way he had wanted for his father to have done. he had groomed dongil to be his sucessor, yes, but he had given him everything that he had been deprived with as a child: thoughtful gifts, affection, a multitude of his time.
the boy, hence, grew to be a wiser child than he ever was, more brilliant, and more charming. his father oftentimes brought him to office, wherein he was supposed to mingle with the other children. however, he remained by his father's side -- a shy kid, he was -- and the officers merely for wanting to learn more when he need not do so at his age. "i want to be like abeonim," dongil would say, and dowon would always feel pride blooming in his chest like the cosmos that had had on the day that his son was born.
however, the higher dowon soared at his son's constant mentioning of his name, at dongil's incessant following, the harder he fell each time he saw the longing in the child's eyes at the sight of his mother. for, even as he had given him so much, there was nothing that could replace a mother's love.
still, dongil had grown so resigned to the fact that his mother will never look at him in the way she looks at his older brother, in the way she adored him, in the way that she spoke of him highly at the dinner table as if he was the only son she had when there were three others.
yet, even then, dongil could not resent lady seyul. it must have been the way he saw his father gaze at the woman so tenderly, so longingly, that has had him easily forgiving his mother of her ways, even when she had never looked in his direction whenever he called for her name. mayhaps, it's his constant trailing in his father's footsteps that has him becoming more attuned to the man's feelings, that one day, he had come to realize how alike they could be in some ways.
hence, one summer evening, after his mother had gone and his father had stayed up to wait for her, dongil had taken a scroll and began writing,
"i am my father's son, and i will make him the happiest he will ever be."
3부
dongil was 14 summers old when self-disappointment set in, and when it became most apparent that indeed, the apple did not fall far from the tree from which it was borne.
it was gradual, truth be told, the reason for such an internal predicament. his attraction to the same did not occur to him like a flash of lightning, unlike how people so easily fell in love and fell out of attraction as if romanticism was like the waking hours of the day, going as quickly as it came.
his affection dawned to him much like how a gentle stream of water filled an open basin; the feelings gradually trickled into his heart until there was not much space left. it was to a friend of his older brother's, a man five(5) years his senior, a man whose built was bigger than his that dongil sighed at the thought of being encaged in his strong limbs. however, despite the smiles thrown his way, dongil remained fretful, scared, and in denial. after all, amorous affections such as what he had was something unspoken, a taboo to most, in fact.
what would his father think of him, then? insolent? lewd? hence, dongil could only stay in silence with his own feelings -- much like how his father had many a year ago.
dongil turned to writing not long after, pouring his feelings over endless words written to no one in particular. his only fear, then is for someone to find them -- worse, if it was his father who would have done so. after all, he was his father's son and he had promised to fill in the gaps in his happines, the gaps that his mother could have easily slipped right into.
but such is fate for playing games with them, and dongil could only hide in the protective shell he's built around his secret when he needed to.
4부
war came sooner than he would have liked; the threat of another nation slowly coming over to knock on their gates or kick them down. but more of his uncertainties lie at being shipped to an island surrounded by some of the people he's had eyes for years ago.
"oh woe is the heart that sings not for the daintiest of petals, but for the thorns that could destroy something fragile as i am."
love was a privilege; scholar go dowon knew as much. he was a man of nobility, and as a child, he had been told that his personal life wasn't his to begin with. his father held him by the throat, had shoved generations and generations of their family's legacy down through it, until there was nothing of him but the idea of being his father's successor left.
simply put, go dowon was nothing but a mere puppet, created to do his father's bidding.
love was a privilege. it truly was. even when he had been engaged to the woman of his ideals, dowon knew not of the feeling of having his attraction be reciprocated. he had merely watched han seyul from afar, had watched over her at a distance as one of the palace guards took her out for a walk. dowon, after all, in all his bleakness, was always kind -- and in his love that has covered his eyes from seeing the truth, he shall be so generous enough even if he was on the losing side of life once more.
love was not something that was handed over in open palms, even for han seyul, even when she was so selfishly seeing another man behind dowon's back, even when she was disobeying her father's orders to not see him again. seyul was all things fleeting and was stubborn -- and her hard-headedness had brought nothing but sadness in the end.
it was a cold winter night when she had come knocking on dowon's doorstep, on her knees and weeping for him to help her once more, and dowon, ever so kind and ever so blind in his love, had taken her into his arms. he held her for the rest of the night. she told him he was pregnant; he knew the child wasn't his. still, he embraced her, had dried her dampened cheeks, had pacified her fears.
but seyul's selfishness doesn't end there. she asked for him to help her elope, something that dowon could not do. for he knew he had the power, but it wasn't his. thus, he only had offered for her to stay, for her to wed him, and make her his wife. he promised her happy days, he promised to love her child, he promised to keep her safe from the repercussions.
he promised her devotion that she could not give, and in the dead of the night when everyone else was asleep, she agreed to it half-heartedly.
they had married the following spring, when her belly was just beginning to show and everyone was speculating that it was the reason why their marriage was hurried. the lady's lover became a general in the infantry; dowon became a minister following his father's retirement. even when the flowers continued to bloom in a cycle through the seasons, even when dowon's eyes never strayed away from seyul, she never had anything but resentment for him.
after all, love was nothing but something uncommon and no matter how noble their life may be, it's something unattainable -- the gold they never had, the flower that never bloomed during spring.
2부
happiness for dowon came in the form of a baby boy born in autumn 21 years ago. his birth was surrounded with luck, it seemed -- the cosmos were in full bloom, and the sparrows sang -- and minister go wanted nothing but harmony and love to befall him and their family. he had named him dongil, his name a derivative of that of his father's and mother's combined. but such is the only thing that his mother could give him, her attention only ever reserved for his older half-brother, the son of the man lady seyul had had eyes for even before her marriage.
dongil's father, however, wasn't neglectful. they both shared the same longing for the woman, after all, albeit on different aspects and levels of love. hence, dowon poured every inch of his unrequited affection unto his son, raised him in a way that his late father never did, in a way he had wanted for his father to have done. he had groomed dongil to be his sucessor, yes, but he had given him everything that he had been deprived with as a child: thoughtful gifts, affection, a multitude of his time.
the boy, hence, grew to be a wiser child than he ever was, more brilliant, and more charming. his father oftentimes brought him to office, wherein he was supposed to mingle with the other children. however, he remained by his father's side -- a shy kid, he was -- and the officers merely for wanting to learn more when he need not do so at his age. "i want to be like abeonim," dongil would say, and dowon would always feel pride blooming in his chest like the cosmos that had had on the day that his son was born.
however, the higher dowon soared at his son's constant mentioning of his name, at dongil's incessant following, the harder he fell each time he saw the longing in the child's eyes at the sight of his mother. for, even as he had given him so much, there was nothing that could replace a mother's love.
still, dongil had grown so resigned to the fact that his mother will never look at him in the way she looks at his older brother, in the way she adored him, in the way that she spoke of him highly at the dinner table as if he was the only son she had when there were three others.
yet, even then, dongil could not resent lady seyul. it must have been the way he saw his father gaze at the woman so tenderly, so longingly, that has had him easily forgiving his mother of her ways, even when she had never looked in his direction whenever he called for her name. mayhaps, it's his constant trailing in his father's footsteps that has him becoming more attuned to the man's feelings, that one day, he had come to realize how alike they could be in some ways.
hence, one summer evening, after his mother had gone and his father had stayed up to wait for her, dongil had taken a scroll and began writing,
"i am my father's son, and i will make him the happiest he will ever be."
3부
dongil was 14 summers old when self-disappointment set in, and when it became most apparent that indeed, the apple did not fall far from the tree from which it was borne.
it was gradual, truth be told, the reason for such an internal predicament. his attraction to the same did not occur to him like a flash of lightning, unlike how people so easily fell in love and fell out of attraction as if romanticism was like the waking hours of the day, going as quickly as it came.
his affection dawned to him much like how a gentle stream of water filled an open basin; the feelings gradually trickled into his heart until there was not much space left. it was to a friend of his older brother's, a man five(5) years his senior, a man whose built was bigger than his that dongil sighed at the thought of being encaged in his strong limbs. however, despite the smiles thrown his way, dongil remained fretful, scared, and in denial. after all, amorous affections such as what he had was something unspoken, a taboo to most, in fact.
what would his father think of him, then? insolent? lewd? hence, dongil could only stay in silence with his own feelings -- much like how his father had many a year ago.
dongil turned to writing not long after, pouring his feelings over endless words written to no one in particular. his only fear, then is for someone to find them -- worse, if it was his father who would have done so. after all, he was his father's son and he had promised to fill in the gaps in his happines, the gaps that his mother could have easily slipped right into.
but such is fate for playing games with them, and dongil could only hide in the protective shell he's built around his secret when he needed to.
4부
war came sooner than he would have liked; the threat of another nation slowly coming over to knock on their gates or kick them down. but more of his uncertainties lie at being shipped to an island surrounded by some of the people he's had eyes for years ago.
"oh woe is the heart that sings not for the daintiest of petals, but for the thorns that could destroy something fragile as i am."
personality.
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dongil is all things a minister's son could ever be: righteous, kind, and with a good sense of justice. his father had raised him well, groomed him to be a successor that everybody would love, a successor not with an iron hand but with a grip so loose and understanding. it's why he's easily scammed or teased by a lot of his peers, and when such a thing happens, dongil would merely walk away with not much hard feelings. after all, no harm was done and his feelings aren't as fragile, unlike when he was a child and needed his mother's love and affection. he is worrisome at best, and has brotherly instincts, having to also take care of his younger brothers in his half-sibling's stead.
due to his uality, dongil grew to be rather secretive and careful at best, weighing his emotions and his thoughts before he could do anything drastic. self-disappointment was often evident in the way he does his duties, always meticulous, perhaps, pouring his anxities over his work in fear of being found out by his father. even then, however, he remains honest and composed in all other things, like how his father raised him to be.
other characteristics:
gentle - fretful (Especially when it comes to his secret) - avoidant (he does not do well with confrontations) - pious - wary (especially of his older brother)
likes:
persimmon - peaches and apples - tea - the smell of incense - his friends - his horse, cheolsoo - having his fortunes told - full moon
dislikes:
people who pry - eclipses - the dark (when walking the streets at night)
hobbies:
walking with his friends - reading - writing letters - practicing archery and horseback riding
due to his uality, dongil grew to be rather secretive and careful at best, weighing his emotions and his thoughts before he could do anything drastic. self-disappointment was often evident in the way he does his duties, always meticulous, perhaps, pouring his anxities over his work in fear of being found out by his father. even then, however, he remains honest and composed in all other things, like how his father raised him to be.
other characteristics:
gentle - fretful (Especially when it comes to his secret) - avoidant (he does not do well with confrontations) - pious - wary (especially of his older brother)
likes:
persimmon - peaches and apples - tea - the smell of incense - his friends - his horse, cheolsoo - having his fortunes told - full moon
dislikes:
people who pry - eclipses - the dark (when walking the streets at night)
hobbies:
walking with his friends - reading - writing letters - practicing archery and horseback riding
ongoing plots.
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【 ❝ confucianism: xin 。】↭ honesty
【 ❝ confucianism: jen 。】↭ the act of being human
【 ❝ confucianism: chung 。】↭ queries about loyalty
• taken by jeong haerim (noble)
• genre: friendship
• description:
dongil and haerim have always been tied to the hip. growing up in a family so influential, both have always been around each other, teaching each other a thing or two about each of their family's traditions and teachings. suffice to say, there isn't a secret between them that is hidden -- not until dongil came of age and has come to realize his real uality. it plagues him day and night, him lying to his bestfriend. but due to recent events, it has dawned on him that his life will definitely change. if he so decided to tell haerim the truth, what of their friendship? would haerim think him any different, or will haerim take pride in having him as someone dear?
【 ❝ confucianism: jen 。】↭ the act of being human
• taken by wang yejun (prince)
• trope: ex-lovers
• description:
[to be written]
【 ❝ confucianism: chung 。】↭ queries about loyalty
• taken by ahn youngho (concubine to the queendom of saro)
• trope:
• description:
[to be written]