im jinah

31 going on 32

she/her

single

“mom… mom! please, i beg you! don’t leave me and dad!” a five year old girl could be seen, bending her knees on the cold, hard floor with her hands rubbing together to beg the woman that had birthed her, taken care of and fed her. fat tears rolled down her once rosy chubby cheeks and her hair tousled so bad that it resembled a bird’s nest more. the mother was busy moving from one spot to another in the shambles of the once loving home, packing her essentials and ignoring every little plea of the young girl while her father sat on the brown couch in the living room with his head buried in his callous hands and tears rolling down his cheeks too. noticing how her own mother didn’t cast a glance her way while going about to do her business, the young girl stood up immediately and hurried over to the older female, each step filled with two mixed emotions; hope and fear. neither triumphed over another for the little girl still held hope that this family would not break apart yet at the same time, it would. her little hand reached out to grasp on the strap of her mother’s sling bag that was slung over her shoulder, giving it a tug only to be smacked so hard across the face. that grasp was eventually loosened. tears tainted her clear, pure eyes and little sobs fought its way out of the girl, her hair covering her face to hide the sadness. for a second there, she thought of giving up and letting her mother go since the older female had chosen this for herself and in a split second, the image of her father filled with sadness came in a flash, giving her the boost of determination to yank her mother back to the family. with the back of her hands swiping away at her weepy eyes, she trailed behind the mother who had her luggage in one hand and another duffel bag in the other, just waiting for the right time to yank at her hand. “Mom… Wait a moment. Mom, please don’t go. Dad and I need you. What are we going to do if you go away? please don’t go!” the older female halted in her steps and so did the girl. both of them either raised or lowered their heads to look at each other fully with one void of any emotion and another full of fear and hope. the silence that came after was so deafening that to the girl, it felt suffocating and wanted to stay from it yet she had to hold on lest the other needed to change her mind. “I don’t care what happen to you or your father. i am never coming back and i regret giving birth to you. you’re the sole reason why my life is in such a ing mess! you’re the sole reason why i cannot follow my desires and achieve it! you little despicable stupid !” of course the older female was done raging and then gave one more and final hard slap across the girl’s face, turning around without a glance to her ex-husband and left. this had definitely left the poor girl wailing with her hand covering her cheek where she had been slapped. despite everything, one thing remained unchanged. the gaze at the door stayed steadfast in the hopes that her mother would have a change of heart and return to them again.