But if each day, each hour you feel
that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness
if each day a flower climbs up to your
lips to seek me
ah my love, at my own
in me all that fire is repeated
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten
my love feeds on your love, beloved and as
long as you live
it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

 

#poetry #forgotten #flowers

Anastasia is a product of ignoring her past and presenting a facade of the perfect literature professor. Though she has done well to forge a new life for herself, her porcelain exterior has a few cracks. She equates herself to a beautiful flower with a serpent resting underneath its shade; few are daring enough to approach the petals for fear of the danger below.

studious, charismatic, toned, playful, ambitious, determined, attentive, caring, and organized.

temperamental on rough days, a perfectionist when it comes to her professional research and work, defensive and paranoid of her past, and a bit of a workaholic.

classical and pop music, the smell of a new book, floral perfume, the sound of crickets on warm evenings, caramel-flavored coffee, and the crackle of a fire.

authoritative power trips, people who bend the pages of books as a bookmark, large crowds, pollen, and hot weather.

a weekly book club, calligraphy, playing piano, swimming, baking, and crocheting.

being alone at the end of her life, losing loved ones, and losing her job.

she enjoys appearing professional while staying comfortable. typically, she can be found in slacks or skirts with fitted blouses and cardigans or sweaters. she prefers keeping her jewelry simple--one bracelet or watch and a necklace. 

the song of achilles, shakespeare's twelfth night, frankenstein, the scarlet letter, 1984, to kill a mockingbird, & mrs dalloway.

cynicism and paranoia; in one way or another, she is convinced that everyone will disappoint or betray her.

 

#1984 #hobbies #flawed

Though fire and brimstone would be an exciting beginning for most, Anastasia's origin was far less exciting; it was the passionate collide of a wave of tranquil navy and fervid ruby-- a magnificent mixture of ink and guitar strings. Her fathers were seemingly fated--the closest example of soul mates that most had ever seen. Minwoo, the calm and collected father, was an author who poured his emotions into his ink. Kai, the spontaneous and enthusiastic father, was an upbeat musician who used his melodies as vehicles for his sentiments. The pair complimented each other's strengths and weaknesses, but they were not perfect. Though they experienced hardships throughout their relationship, the pair made the choice to pursue surrogacy to begin a family. Thus, even though their finances were not stable, they used their savings and monetary support from their families to bring Anastasia into the world.

Anastasia was the perfect golden child for Minwoo and Kai; she rarely cried as the pair were very attentive and ensured that all of her needs were met. Despite being placed upon a pedastal, she managed to not become spoiled by their behavior. The family did not live in luxury, but they were comfortable. Kai, being the parent with a less stable income, took time off from work to take care of Anastasia. He still played with the band, but they worked around his schedule. The stress of raising a child took its toll on Minwoo and Kai's relationship.
One night, after Anastasia had supposedly been put to bed, she heard whispers from the pair fighting over their finances. Emerging from her bedroom, she rubbed her eyes and stood in the entryway of the dining room where the two men were seated. The volume of their voices lowered quickly, silenced by the appearance of the child. Walking over to them, she took each of their hands and pulled them into the living room where Kai's guitar was propped against a wall. "Song time?" She requested, looking up at both of her parents with a pleading expression. Though she didn't realize it at the time, the request wasn't for a song; it was a cry out for the pair to compromise and get along for the sake of the family. That night, the trio sang until they all fell asleep on the couch. 

Sitting on her parents' bed, Anastasia ran her fingertips over the duvet and released a heavy sigh. Tears streamed down her face; it had been mere moments since she was informed with the news of their deaths. It felt like a cruel joke that the pair's fate was so intertwined that they were together even in death. Memories flooded into her mind from their years together. Even now, as an adult freshly out of college, she still felt the same about them; they were two men who were madly in love and wanted her to complete their family--she was happy to be the glue that kept them together.
Coming home from fall break during her senior year of college, she recalled the pair considering adopting another child now that Anastatsia would be leaving their "nest" soon. Though she couldn't place the emotion at the time, she now recognized it as jealousy. How dare they replace her? Was she not enough for them? It was that precise moment that she made the plan to prove them just how much they needed her. However, before she even had the chance to prove herself to them with her portfolio that she had been writing up for the majority of her college career, tragedy struck. A home invader broke into Anastasia's family home; it was assumed that the assailant simply wanted to score a quick buck with some of their valuables, but with both men home, things quickly took a turn for the violent. With a knife already in his hand, the invader made quick work of Kai and Minwoo. 
At least, that's what Anastasia told the authorities. The knife was disposed of, and a set of jewels given to a familiar homeless person down the street took the fall for her crimes. As it turned out, she was a beautiful liar.
With her family out of the picture, it felt right to settle down in a new home. Without a second thought, she packed her things and hopped on a plane to the first place that her eyes settled on--France; it was certainly be different, but perhaps that was what she needed. In her new home, she went on to get her doctorate in literature, and she acquired a job as a professor at Lavande University. Now, she spends most of her time grading papers and burying her nose in books for her weekly book club.