— ❛ full name : roman james bautista.
— ❛ birthdate : jan 03, 2001. (24)
— ❛ orientation : heteroual.
— ❛ occupation : librarian & part-time mechanic.
— ❛ status : single.
— ❛ zodiac : capricorn.
— ❛ faith : we killed god.
— ❛ mbti : unknown. 

the story has long ended. Tw: mentions of drugs, child abuse, poverty, child poverty, blood, implications of murder, criminal behaviour and juvenile/jail.

— ❛  part one; 8 years old. : i never understood why people chose to have children when they could never take care of it. you see, the bautistas never had anything so who thought it was a good idea to have a child amindst the midst of millions of debt, drug abuse and other ? for as long as i could remember, i hated the city i was born in. i hated school, and i hated my parents. well, maybe not my mom. she was nice, when she was awake and sober, at least. i wish she was sober and up more often; i missed her cooking or when she gave me snacks. I'll honestly do anything for a ing pop-tart. anyways, i hated when she was sleeping.

i hated my teachers and i hated that they made me go see this woman named mrs. bell because "you need to speak about your feelings, roman". no, i didn't need to speak about anything. people were stupid. and no one seemed to notice anything was wrong; no no, roman was always the bad and wrong and awful kid. well, who cares? 

— ❛ part two; 9 years old : apparently, everyone did care. see, mom died and the i had for a father left. they said it was an accident that she died but i know for a fact that he hurt her then fled. no one believed me, they never did. i told them about how he kept me in the freezer that was in the basement until the next night. twenty-eight whole hours- wait, were there twenty four or twenty eight hours in a day? Eh.

they said i had a hyperactive imagination and that it came from something called trauma. who the is trauma and why was she important? i was drawing! "we want what's best for you, Roman." "the other kids are going to love you." "your new parents are so excited to meet you.". that was such a lie. i didn't need a new family. i wanted mom because even the new one was . tier when her husband, charles, was around. he stank like beer and piss and always called me a menace when i wasn't being one. so i showed him what a menace was. either way, there i went again, onto another foster family and the next and the next. the cycle (bicycle? tricyle?) never ended. 

— ❛ part three: 16 years old : that house was filled with kids. why would anyone shove these little things in the hands of an already struggling family was beyond me, to be honest. the parkers were nice though; grace always made sure we had food to eat and while john was kind of a prick, he left us alone for the most part. i think this is where i started having what i would call a relatively normal family. my foster siblings were all s but june was kind of the only thing that made it all better. she was way younger than i am, built like a fragile flower and couldn't say her r's to save her life. she was funny behind the scaredy cat thing she had going on; she was always bullied by the other kids and it made me so angry to see them pick on someone who was so small. i knew they'd never pick on me so i decided it'd be good to give them a taste of their own medicine back. so we became roro and juju to each other- or as june would say, 'wowo'. it was annoying but i let her say it. she was my fave person ever. did you know she once made me a crochet bracelet but it wore out and i could never tell her cuz she'll be so upset.

anyways, we were happy. well, as happy as we could be given that we were poor and all. but i had juju and she had me and that was all that mattered. i think i spoke too fast, honestly. because just keeps on happening and roro would always be roman the menace. huh.

i think it was the day of juju's 13th birthday or the night after, i could not remember. but hey, details, right? anyways, i found out that john had made a habit to slip sleeping pills in her food and the way she was always so disoriented and sore made so much sense suddenly. i'll spare you the details as to why he did the he did and what i did to him but i'll let you know that everything then just went to hell. the crime i'd committed earned me what they called juvenile and jail; i'd been cut some slack cuz the lawyers claimed it was 'self-defence' and said that i was reflecting. in my very humble opinion, i could care less about self defence when james deserved much worse than what i even did. the worst part that came out of this wasn't jail for 5 years but it was the fact that juju was ripped out of my grasp. the fact that she would not be in my life did not sit well, especially with someone who already had issues with the rest of the world. but i was told that if i acted out in any way, my sentence would be prolonged. i couldn't do that, not when juju was going to be waiting for me after these five years. i mean, they say that 5 years was like 5 mins, right?

sike. 

they were the longest five years of my life. i had so much time on my hands that i had begun going insane just a day into my time; it felt like i was going crazy anyways. i was doing nothing and the dude i was sharing the cell with was old and... old. all he did was read and tell me about the books. they were boring. well, maybe except one. 

i think i began loving books too. at least the ones that i could understand. the picture of dorian gray, gatsby, dracula- i understood them, a bit too well, i guess. i think this was what urged me to start writing too; or was it my therapist? see, in jail, you have the option to continue school or sign up for classes and with my new and profound love for books, ms. betsy, the really nice therapist who brough me chocolate chip cookies, said it'd do me good to channel my crazy in other creative ways.  i couldn't punch or they'd lock me up in one of those windowless cells so i practiced my 'flat palms and relaxed fingers' as best as i could. there were so many classes i signed up for, i had that much time. at one point, they even had a flower arranging one and that was honestly nice. i like pink flowers the most, i think. white ones are nice too. but i also went through creative writing classes and i think those were the most fun. the teacher said i 'wrote dark images eloquently'. don't know what that means, to be honest. but like i said, i had time and nothing but time. i did all sorts of ; write poetry and short stories, read, made friends with the kitchen staff so they gave me the nice stuff for food, went through therapy though i'm not too sure how well that worked for me and worked out. was it fun? i guess? but i could be out and have more fun.

fast forward, five years later.

i got released on my 21st birthday. and the idea of meeting juju was the biggest gift ever. i was so happy that the guards were laughing that i was skipping down the hallways. i'll give them something to laugh about- wait, no. release day. ahh, that really did feel nice!

but remember when I told you that really did turn out for the worse? if only i knew...

juju was nowhere to be found. and i searched everywhere, turned every stone i could and i still could not find her. everyone else who mattered, and even didn't, was where i thought i'd find them but not june.

it's now been 3 years since i've been trying. i still am; life is busy and i work 2 jobs to make money. i need to be prepared for when i meet her again. i met with some dudes that i made friends with in jail and they'd been nice enough to let me work with them at the mechanic shop. they say i'm good at fixing stuff but dude, i can't even fix my . it's not like life is going bad, honestly. quite the opposite. i like working at the library, especially the late shifts after mrs. lee, the old librarian. she always makes me dinner to eat at work and it pays well too. i get to read a lot and hang out by myself which is always nice... if only i had juju with me.

i'll never stop searching for her. i promised myself that i would not stop, so i spend the whole night looking. the guys at the shop know and are helping me with the search but they're at a blank too. i hope i'll find her soon. i don't know what i'll do if i don't. 

background

roman's pov

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