Words that I won't ever let get lost because they touch parts of my heart that nothing else can because they're from you 

 

---

LUHAN'S CORNER

Hey kitty, it's your stupid and helpless Ludeer here invading your precious space. You know I'm terrible with words so don't make fun of me if I sound cheesy or like garbage. There's a lot of things that I really wanna say to you, but I guess I'll start here. *clears my throat* Every since we started this project together I feel as though we've only become closer and closer. The meaning of Soulfriend became so much more stronger, held so much more meaning, and now, whenever I hear the word "soul" or "friend" I think of you automatically. You are such a sweet child, and I'm not saying it a normal boring friend way, I'm saying it in the super awesome and sincere soulfriend way. You care so much about other people and you naturally attract so many people towards you, you have such a kind heart that I always worried that people would take advantage of you. Whenever I see you sad or upset, I just wanna hug you in my arms and hide you away from the world to keep as mine. You showed me what it means to have a true friend and you unlocked a part of my heart that has never been opened before. I've always had friends but I've never had a friend like you, even in rl. I love you so so so soooo much and I'm sorry I havent been here, and I mess up so much with life and people, and I'm not able to heal your heart that I want to so badly and that you're stuck with a loser like me. I just want you to know though, you are my soulfriend and I mean it. I'm never going to find a friend like you and you already take up so much of my heart, you're all I need to be happy. Happy Joshua, sad Joshua, angry Joshua, jealous Joshua, pouty Joshua, sleepy Joshua, I love all of you so much that I never wanna let go of you. So don't be sad okay? You already have my everything in your hands, no one is ever going to take me away from you, I am your hewman just as you're my kitty. I don't know if I was able to show my feelings in this giant blurb but I hope you understand that I love you so much. And thank you for always being by my side even though I'm just this giant mess of bleh. I love you Joshua~

LOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOULOVEYOUJOSHUA

 

 

The most important and dear thing to my heart, the most important words I've ever said to someone. 

 

Dear Luhan

I don't know if and when you will see this but if there were words, poetry, pictures and songs that could make this better they wouldn't be enough, if there were enough genuine apologies in the world they still wouldn't be enough. Nothing is enough, because without you by my side it feels like being punched in the stomach and having the ability to breathe being taken away from you, like I'm drowning, the water stinging my throat as I thrash beneath the waves trying to reach the surface. You are the air, and I need air.  According to Urban dictionary Soul Friends mean's "Friends that stick with each other for life, through thick and thin. Friends that would die for each other. It's like Soul Mates but not as cheesy." To me it is even more than that, you are essentially the other half of me, without you I have no meaning, without you, I'm just an empty shell of a human being. I need you in order to function like a normal person. You are better than a soulmate, because although those are rare, finding a soulfriend is even more rare. You are incomparable to others, because no one could dare to try and compare to you because no one else can be you. I was once told that if someone thinks you are perfect to accept it because everything about us make a person perfect, you are perfect. I know you struggle with things, and I know life gets hard but you make it through and the way you are determined is admirable because others can't soldier forth like that. You have always been a source of wisdom, your words teaching me something new every day. You taught me to love myself and how to love others properly, although I'm not doing a very good job of that. But there is something you said that always stuck with me, I dug it up for you. "You will see things worse than they really are because you're the one getting thrown around with these feelings, but when you take a step back and look at it, it's not as bad as it seems. It's okay to break down sometimes and get upset, it's okay to do stuff you're embarrassed of and make mistakes. It's okay. So don't give up, don't criticize yourself, if you need to take a break from all of the emotions then take a break and restart with a new mindset. Don't worry we're not going anywhere, and if it doesn't work just keep going, don't let this stop you Joshua. You're worth so much more than you think. I'll always be here for you, Joshua. You don't have to be afraid to ask me of anything, I honestly don't mind only because it's you. You're my best friend too so I wanna do anything and everything I can to make you happy. Don't hesitate to come to me when you need anything, it could be even the smallest thing like borrowing milk for cereal"  Those words had taught me how to be stronger because you were right, nothing was ever as bad as it seems when you look back, or the fact that it's okay to make mistakes.... However now, it's as though none of those methods are working because when it comes to my best friend and the prospect of losing you I can't think straight. Stepping back and looking at it doesn't help because you are my best friend, my family, my joy. If I close my eyes and blink, I'm scared that you'll be gone, so my eyes remain open despite my body needing and wanting sleep. In your letter to me you said that you mess up with people and life. That is the feeling I've had lately but two fold, I feel like a royal up. Everything I touch goes wrong like I'm cursed. I just want to make you smile, bring you happiness, and hear your laughter. I stole those from you it seems, and even if it takes being a smaller part in your life I would do it, anything so as not to be cut away from you. I didn't live up to my vows of always making you smile and being there for you, instead I ruined it with selfishness and greed. I will wait patiently and take my time making up for all the wrong I've done, trying to collect every tear I've made you cry until you can smile at me again. I never thought I needed anyone other than you but I realized how alone I was without you there. It was like I was falling but instead of splashing into water I hit the cold hard ground. I keep getting sappy but it's hard to write while crying. I just want to say there was something about you Luhan, maybe it was the genuine generosity, kindness and compassion when we first met that made me want to be your friend. You were such a kind person hugging me and saying that I would be your kitty. You were my first true friend there, without you to keep me grounded, to bring light to my life and joy to my heart I wouldn't have known what to do with myself. We would laugh at things that others would consider stupid, we would stay up talking from morning to night. I knew if you left I would be gone in a heartbeat. I realized as I was there, when we came here instead that my life was truly void of happiness there except when you were in it because you were always able to laugh and cheer me up. I would find myself wanting to see your spam on my wall or see something that could make me laugh, because now my wall feels so empty and bare without you there. I don't want another bare wall.... Especialy not here, because you are such an important person in my life. I hope that someday I can make you smile again.  

- Love Joshua your kitty. 

I'm not good at happy poetry, seeing as I've only written one happy one ever but I want to try for you. I'm sorry if it's below average. 

Each day a new flower blooms, one more beautiful than the other. They cover the earth like clothes over the human body and give the earth's creatures a chance to grow. The beauty of flowers glow in the sunlight, sparkling over the petals. One flower that shines bright revelling in the sweet warmth power of the sun, From his perch a little weed watched the flower sway and dance with his brothers in the breeze he was wishing he were more than a weed, because walking up to that flower was the hardest thing the weed had done. Feeling like egg shells were beneath the weed telling it to be careful, but those eggshells became a path, connecting to create a way for the weed to reach the flower and look up at him with admiration and respect. The flower through it's magic touch and words was able to transform the weed into a flower teaching it to believe in itself because there is more to life than the things that hover on the surface and that there is nothing more important than the people we choose to surround ourselves with That day the weed made an irreplaceable friend.  

The flowers and the Weed. -Josh (I'll write you a better one tomorrow when I'm awake T.T)

 

The friendship I have with you, nothing is more special and as lovely as that, your friendship is the bright sun in the summer shining down causing flowers the flourish and keen under your gentle care and the rain is Suga who gently brings nourishment and life to the plants and trees and I, I'm earth begging for the rain and the sun to continue to shine and pour down on me so I can continue to grow happily. You two have become something special to me, a family in a way. I only have two friends, you and him. However I cannot have one without the other because if the sun didn't have it's rain the earth would scorch up, shrivel up and die. You two are soulmates in a way, different than soulfriends, but it's a beautiful bond. A bond that I refuse to break. I will keep you both beside me and I will cherish you both. I will cheer you on because I love you guys more than I love myself and I am glad that you love each other too. I hope that through the years you can both continue to love one another, learn the little things about each other and be genuinely happy. To be able to share your lives and know that there is no one else out there for you, because you two were made for each other even if I have to stay away you will both be in my heart and I will cheer loud and clear for the world to see. I want everyone to know how much you both love each other so please don't hide anymore, don't be subtle just be yourselves, be the two of you who are young and in love and captivated by each other. I support you. I am sorry that it didn't seem like it before, or that it seemed like I was lying. I don't want you guys to hide for my sake anymore. I want you guys to be free. ♥

This is our family, us three 

_____$$$$__________$$$$$
___$$$$$$$$______$$$$$$$$$
__$$$$$$$$$$____$$$$$$$$$$$
_$$$$$$$$$$$$__$$$$$$$$$$$$$
_$$$$$$$$$$$$$_$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$_$$$$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$_____$$$$$$$______$
$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$________$$$$________$
_$$$$$$$$$$$$$$__________$$__________$
_$$$$$$$$$$$$$___________$___________$
_$$$$$$$$$$$$$_______________________$
__$$$$$$$$$$$$_______________________$
___$$$$$$$$$$$_______________________$
____$$$$$$$$$$_______________________$
_____$$$$$$$$$_______________________$
______$$$$__$$$__$$$$$_______________$
_______$______$_$_____$_____________$
______$_______$$______$_____________$
______$________________$___________$
______$________________$__________$
_______$_______________$_________$
_______$______________$_________$
________$_____________$________$
_________$___________$$______$
__________$_________$__$____$
___________$_______$_____$$
____________$$___$$
______________$$$
_______________$

 

 

I'm sorry for covering your wall, but I wanted to tell you my sincere feelings.

Now I will give you your space, just know that I miss you and love you Luhannie and nothing is ever going to change that. 

You are my most important soulfriend and I am beyond sorry. 

My final gift, flowers which you love so much. 

______1111¶1
_____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
____¶1¶1¶¶¶¶¶
____¶¶1_¶¶¶¶¶¶1_________¶¶¶1_1¶¶1
____1¶¶1_¶1_1¶¶¶1______¶1__1¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶
____¶1¶1_¶____¶¶¶______¶1____¶¶¶¶¶11¶
____¶__¶¶1___¶1¶¶_____1¶¶¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶
___1¶__1¶1___1¶¶¶____1¶1_¶¶______1¶¶¶¶¶
___¶¶___¶¶____¶¶1__1¶¶¶___1¶11¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶¶1
____¶¶__1¶____¶¶__¶¶1¶_____1¶1_____1¶¶¶¶¶1
_____¶¶1_¶¶_1¶¶1_¶¶_¶_______¶¶_____1¶¶¶¶¶¶
______1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶__¶___________¶_____¶__¶¶¶¶1
____1¶¶1__¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶1__________¶__1¶¶__1¶¶¶¶1
____¶_____1¶¶¶1___¶________1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶
______1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1_1¶¶¶1____¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
____1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶11¶¶11_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1________¶¶1
1¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1________1¶¶
_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶__¶¶¶¶¶1____¶¶1________1¶
___1¶¶¶¶¶111¶¶11¶¶¶1_¶¶¶¶1_1¶¶¶11¶¶¶__1¶¶¶1
______¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_1¶__¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
_______¶¶¶¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶1_¶1_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶1
__¶¶1___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶¶_1¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶
__1¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶__1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶¶1_1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1__1¶¶11_____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
__1¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶1_1¶¶________¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
__1¶¶¶¶11¶¶¶¶¶1_¶¶___1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
__1¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶¶¶¶11¶_1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶
___¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶11¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶¶¶¶1
___1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶_¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶1111¶¶¶¶¶¶1
______¶¶¶1_¶¶¶¶¶__¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1¶¶¶
___________¶¶¶_____¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
__________¶¶¶_______1¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶¶1
_________1¶¶
_________¶1
________¶¶
_______¶¶
______¶¶
______¶¶
_____¶¶
____1¶1
____¶¶ 

 

my monthiversary gifts to you: ( hover )

Jongdae's corner ♥ ( hover; )

Picspam of my love