~ luhan's

@Luhan "Oh really? That's good then." Byunghun nodded as he rubbed his stomach. "What do you cook?" He questioned as he looked around the room, trying to find the kitchen.

@Byunghun "And how do you expect me to entertain you?" Luhan asks, taking a seat next to his patron. "your wish is my command. maybe we can start by having something to eat. you know i'm quite the cook." Luhan grins proudly, wiggling his eyebrows at his patron.

@Luhan 'Oh great. He's in.' Byunghun thought to himself as he heard noises. As the door opened, he saw a feminine like male before him. What is that he is taller. He nodded as the other spoked. "Yeah. And you must be Luhan." He stepped in, walking towards the nicely set bed. He sat down with a flop and looks back at the host. "Yeah. It sure is. Or else I would not have looked for you. Would I?" He chuckled as he continued," anyways, I'm bored. Entertain me."

@Byunghun Fresh sheets and just a spray of cologne, Luhan made sure his room looked presentable for his patron. Just earlier, he received a notice from gdragon informing him of a man named Byunghun requested his services specifically in his room. A slight thrill ran through his body for it's been a while since he hosted here. A place of more intimacy and private times.

He hears light knock, which awakens him from his senses. He smooths back his hair and straightens his shirt. Breathing deeply before opening the door. He's met with a rather small man but whose expression was as sharp as knives. "Byunghun, I presume?" Grinning, he gestures the man in his home. "Please make yourself comfortable. Your happiness is my priority."

Byunghun took a long time to find the hosts room as it was his first time walking along that corridor. He managed to find a room that says 'Luhan's' out of all the other names he saw. He smiled as he went forward, knocking the door lightly as he hoped that the other was in.

[ONLY ONE PAGE BECAUSE I HAVE TO WORK NOW /dies/ ENJOY THE WEIRD FLUFF]

Black. Darkness. Empty. Luhan ran. The heaviness of the atmosphere consuming him, trying to take away his every breath. "Hello? Is anyone there?" He shouts, letting the echoes answer him. His worst nightmare coming to life right before his eyes. He always hated being alone. The idea of being isolated until death was truly frightening. So that's why he clung onto others more than he should. Trusted in hopes of gaining friends. Loved because death due us part sounded so beautiful to his ears.

A sudden rattle filled the darkness causing him to shake in fear. "Hello? Someone?" He timidly says, as he searches around for something. Anything.

The answer to his prayer came about in the voice of angel. His angel. "Tiffany!" He excitedly screams, jumping around. Tears of joy brimmed his eyes as he tried to run towards her voice. But by the way she's talking, he could tell that she was angry. He slowed his steps and listened.

Who was she talking to? Why wouldn't he take her back? What does she mean she don't wait up for her? He keeled over, grabbing onto his head once again. The migraine was coming back and his heart doesn't seem like it could take anymore of this pain. So he screams out in agony as he tried to fight off the emptiness surrounding him. "Tiffany! Tiff. Baby!" He cried, reaching out for something but getting nothing in return.

"I love you. I love you." The words came out of his pathetic self, curled up in the feeble position. "Don't leave me, please. I'm so scared. So scared." He muttered.

She spoke up again. At first he didn't want to listen in case she wanted to break off their relationship again, but the tingling in his head told him to stop fretting. So he did.

Her words spilled out so effortlessly like a gush of water breaking out of dam. She spoke of heartaches, worries and death. Thoughts of him and the the future. Of their unborn baby and life. Cried over selflessness and selfishness. Broken from messages and actions. More importantly, she talked about saving him, of loving him.

Luhan felt his stomach churn. He lurched forward on his hands and knees throwing up nothing but anguish and guilt. This whole time she had been so hurt and all he's been doing was accusing her of being self-centered. The opposite of what she really was. He just wanted to die for the pain in his heart took over his body. His fingers were going numb, his chest constricting with every heavy breath he took.

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" Sobbing out loud, he banged his hands against the floor over and over, ignoring the red river seeping underneath him. "I should've been there to protect you. I...this... I don't deserve." He chokes out. This time falling over on his side.

The tears slowed down along with his heartbeat. He's suddenly cold. So cold. His lips already feeling chapped. "I deserve to die. I don't deserve you." He tries to whisper through frozen teeth. His arms found strength to wrap itself around his legs, pressing it against his chest. A flash of bright light hit his eyes calling him forward.

"Luhan. Luhan." The angelic voices sang. He stared at the light, finding happiness as he crawled forward. With each step, his body warmed up. His frown lifting itself to a smile.

"I'm coming." He quietly said. "I'm -"

"What do you think you're doing? If I can live so can you." Snapping his head back, he envisioned Tiffany. She had her eyebrows furrowed and hands upon her hips as if threatening to kill him herself if he dared disobey her. "Come back to me. So we can live together again. Come back Xi Luhan, I love you. Always."

The angelic voices were now screaming at him, telling him to hurry. Frozen at his spot, he couldn't move an inch. His Tiffany had always loved him. Survived for him. So why couldn't he do it for her.

"Tiff. Tiff!" His eyes widened in horror as he saw he figure fading. A rush of adrenaline hit him as he ran towards her figure, ignoring the cries coming from the light.

"No please don't take me yet." He whimpered as the light was now chasing after him. Trying to capture and take him away from his love. "No please. Please don't!"
But it was too late.

His fingers reached the vanishing fingers of his angel. "I'll come back for you." He whispers over her fading lips. She smiles before disappearing into the darkness. And he smiles before letting himself be engulfed by the bright light.



Luhan opened his eyes to the looks of the sun rising and of a beautiful girl right beside him. He softly chuckled, brushing off some strands of her out of her sleeping face. "I love you, Tiffany. Always."

[Not sorry for the three long posts because this took me what? 4 days. Yeah, thanks to your last reply which killed my muse. ;A; I know i started it, but what can i say? i'm a mf sadist *^* /shot, killed, bombed]

[P.S. I know I said i would beta this, but like half of it isn't cuz im tired and sleepy and shiz it's 1:34am and i should be sleepy. So yah, enjoy the feels and good night, twin~ 8D]

"I don’t think I’ll ever find another like you. You who would fight with me and then laugh and hug me when it’s over. You who would talk about everything and anything like the happy person you are. You who would cheer me up, make me smile and hold me close even when I said that I was fine. You who would protect me from the scary thoughts of failure and the deception. You would be kiss me and tell me that everything would be okay and that no matter what happened, you’d always be there for me. Sometimes, I'd get woken up by nightmares screaming and crying, I wanted to die. But then, I’d imagine you yelling at me to value my life more and threaten to slap me silly. And it’ll be enough for me to get up and live so I can experience a new tomorrow. I love you so much. I’ll never stop."

And just like that, Tiffany felt a tremendous weight being lifted off her shoulders. All the words she'd been hiding inside her sheltered heart was now free and out in the open. She felt liberated and yet, she felt so sorry that she couldn't muster the courage to say this to Luhan when he was awake.

She bent her head and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. "I love you, Luhan. Always."

She remained by his side until the moon began to lose its shine to the sun. Never once did she leave his side, standing guard just like a guardian angel would. She hoped beyond anything that should the worse come to her, she'd be able to do the same only from up in the sky. She would be his guardian angel, always and forever.

She paused when heard another soft rustle of the sheets. She glanced over only to see nothing out of the ordinary. She frowned, her eyes narrowing warily. 'That was odd. She could've sworn she heard movement.' She waited for a brief moment. Nothing. She shook her head. 'Must've been my imagination.'

She ran her fingers idly through his hair, the words she'd always longed to say finally spilling effortlessly out of her lips. "I thought we had it all. I really did. I saw a bright future with you. I saw myself walking down the aisle in the wedding dress of my dreams. I saw us with a family living happily ever after. Our dream come true. But you know what they all say? Some wishes just don't come true." She in a painful breath, her voice wavering slightly. "I saw this coming. It happened with my sister and I fear it will happen to me too. No, it may already be happening and I'm powerless to stop it. How do you fight something that science doesn't have a cure for? Be prepared, the doctors said. Be prepared for what? That some day, any day a week from now, two months from now, five years from now, any time, I can wake up and forget things, people and even places? How do I prepare myself when I don't even know my expiration date?"

Tears splattered onto the sheets, but still she pushed forward. She needed to get this out. "I was afraid, Luhan. That you'd leave me. It happened with my sister, although for an entirely different reason. But the fact of the matter was he deserted her when she needed him the most. He left her to suffer in pain and she died believing she wasn't worthy. It's painful enough to know that some day I'll hurt you beyond reason. That I'll wake up one day and forget who you are, what we have together and just look at you as though you were a stranger. I can't do that to you. It's completely unfair. You deserve happiness and I can't give it to you. My being by your side will bring you nothing but pain and heartbreak. I'd rather suffer quietly by myself and leave you with happy memories. I love you. I love you. I love you. I do. But this time, love is not enough. I cannot attempt to tie you to me with a promise of eternity when Death is so close I can feel its breath on my neck. I cannot be selfish and tie you to a lifetime of anguish and heartbreak. I can’t give you what you want, so I’ll set you free. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for loving you. I’m sorry for making you fall in love with me. I’m sorry."

She shook her head, scoffing bitterly. "I thought that if I found a reason to walk away, I wouldn't need to look back. I'd just keep walking even if I had no idea where I was going. Because I thought it would be better to get lost moving on with my life than to be stranded and broken. But I was wrong. So wrong. Because moving on was impossible. I'm completely lost without you. I didn't know what to do with myself anymore. I thought leaving you to find someone else would be for the best. I never intended to fall in love with another person. You are, first and foremost, my one and only. My love."

She d a thumb over his cheek, smiling sadly as she recalled her recuperation in London. "When I lost our child, I didn't know what to do. I was empty, void of emotion and had no motivation to live. What will I do without you? I asked myself this every day when I was lying in the hospital recovering. And every time, a little voice in the back of my mind, which sounded suspiciously like you, would say, 'Live, Tiffany, live. For me.' And damn you, if that doesn’t make my heart ache."

A quiet gasp escaped from her lips when she heard him say her name. She closed her eyes to steel herself against the wave of sorrow that threatened to overwhelm her. 'Let him go.' Her guardian angel's voice resonated repeatedly in her head. 'It's for the best.' She breathed in deeply, her hand curling around the doorknob and pulled it open. She had one foot over the threshold when she heard the heavy thump behind her. Without a second's hesitation, she turned towards the sound and her eyes widened in shock. The door banged shut as she ran to his side.

"Luhan!" She cried, her hands already digging into her bag for tissue to stem the flow of blood. Her hands shook at the sight of the blood, but she braced herself as she wiped clumsily. When the bleeding stopped, she sat frozen for a good twenty minutes just staring blankly at him.

'What was wrong? Was he sick? Was this her fault? Was this another punishment?' Her thoughts were all jumbled inside her head and she couldn't stop the guilt attempting to choke her. 'Please, please be okay.'

She struggled to pull him upright, sliding his arm over her shoulder and wobbled unsteadily to his bed. She placed him as gently as she could onto the bed. When she was sure he was comfortable, she tucked the blanket under his chin and kissed his forehead.

Her hand dipped into her bag and she withdrew her phone. She scrolled down her list of contacts and stopped when she saw the name she was looking for. She bit her lip, her finger hovering over the call button. Her eyes slid towards Luhan's face and her heart clenched painfully. She shouldn't be here. Someone was waiting for her. And yet, she couldn't make herself leave Luhan's side. She'd already done that once and that mistake cost her everything she had. She couldn't do that to him again.

'What happened to letting go?' A voice prodded viciously in the back of her mind. 'Look at him.' She stared at Luhan, her eyes tracing every inch of his pain-stricken face. 'You did this to him, Tiffany. This is all your fault.'

Her fingers curled tightly against her phone, loosening only when she felt it vibrate. She glanced down at the screen, conflicted. He was calling her. Instinct was telling her to answer it, but her heart was telling her to ignore it. That Luhan needed her more than anyone else.

She blew out an irritated sigh when her phone buzzed again. "Hello?" She answered, exasperated. "What? No, I wasn't ignoring you. I was busy and didn't hear the phone ring...I'm at Luhan's apartment..." Her face flushed an angry red as she sputtered at the audacity of what she'd just heard. "How dare you? I am not f(u)cking him! And even if I were, that is none of your business...I'm not here to seduce him if that's what you're implying. Yes, I know that. Damn it! I know Luhan and I are over. I don't expect him to take me back. Hell, if I were him, I wouldn't take me back either."

She paused, realizing her voice was increasing in volume. "No, stop. Stop with the guilt trip. I'm staying here for the night...Ah, yes. As if I would take advantage of him when he's vulnerable. Are you kidding me? He passed out when I handed him the papers. I KO-ed him. No, I'm not going to leave him here. You, shut up. He needs me right now. I will come back when I'm sure he's alright." She sighed heavily. "Just...drop it. I don't need this right now. I will call you when I'm coming back. Don't wait up for me."

She hung up abruptly and silenced her phone, putting it back on the nightstand. The sheets rustled slightly and her head snapped in Luhan's direction. Her heart won and her feet gravitated back to his bedside. She sat down gently on the side of the bed, her hand reaching out to smooth his hair away from his eyes.

"It hurts seeing you in pain, Luhan. I never expected to ruin your life and make you suffer in my presence. I didn't. If I had avoided the Host Club like I should have, maybe you wouldn't have to experience heartache all over again. I never wanted to hurt you. If I had never come back, maybe you would've been able to be happy again. I'm sorry if I destroyed any semblance of bliss. I'm sorry." She murmured softly, her eyes never straying from his face even as her phone vibrated impatiently yet again. "There's so much I want to say to you, but I can't because I'm a coward. I suppose I can only say it now because you're asleep. When you can hear me, but your mind doesn't know it."

[ALSO IN TWO PARTS. NO I DIDN'T BETA THIS BECAUSE I WROTE THIS BEFORE I HAD TO GO TO WORK. SO IT'S HORRIBLE I KNOW /dies]

After bidding adieu, Luhan promised himself to never let his twin down. Not to go back into a road of despair. Soon enough he became one of the most wanted host. But he had to admit, the thought of people leaving his place with satisfaction thrilled him into thinking that he could one day show his ex lover what she was missing out on. She would regret missing him. That maybe he could show her what happiness felt like with him. Maybe.
His thoughts stopped at the touch of her soft lips. A kiss that was too familiar, the kiss that spoke of goodbye. He cupped her face and pressed their lips closer. Not wanting to break away for fear of her leaving again. But nothing lasts forever as she withdrew from his lips.
“Don’t say that.” He whimpers, not noticing the tears already falling down his face. “You’re here now and that’s all that matters. I forgive you. Just please…”
He watches as she reaches into her bag. A large envelope now in his possession.
“What is this?” He breathes out, carefully inspecting the object. His gut told him not to open the envelope. That once he does, it will be his biggest regret. But curiosity took over him; and with shaky fingers he slowly ripped open her gift to him.
He puked a little at the huge hospital name bolded at the top of the paper. His eyes quickly searched scanned the papers, flipping them over and over, trying to make sense of everything that’s written.
‘Pregnancy. Baby. . Bruised. Blood Lost. Miscarriage. Died. Today’
His head spun as he looked straight at her, eyes demanding an answer. The picture of the unborn baby fell from his hands. “What…I…”
‘I don’t deserve you. If only I actually tried to come get you back. If only…’ he thought.
“No please don’t go!” He shouts, hands gripping onto his hair.
His head spun around in crazy circles. A splash of lightheadedness hit him as he tried to rub away the tears that blurred his visions. “God damnit, Tiff…” He lets out a harsh cry. The room won’t stop moving and the thumping of his heart hurts so bad against his chest. Nothing made sense anymore and neither does the trembling hands that wipe away the blood running down his nose.
“Fany…” He speaks once more before all the lights disappear. Before he lets the black hole engulf him.

Her hands felt like icicles against his skin. So relentlessly cold and hard just like the way her body fit in his arms. She looked so tiny and frail looking like her soul emptied her body leaving just the remains of a skeleton. But what hurt the most was the way her eyes were void of all emotions except pain and suffering. Those eyes that used to speak of love and light now clouded with a black mist of tears.
Thumbs tried to gently wipe away the rivers on her cheeks. Cradling her in his arms, he rocked them back and forth as sweet nothings left his lips to fill her head. But nothing seemed to work as she kept lying lifelessly in his arms. Yet her eyes kept trying to convey him a message. Maybe a story all the hardship she endured. ‘I’m so sorry baby. But I don’t understand’ he blinks, eyes boring into her own.
He doesn’t mean to be selfish. But he truly doesn’t understand what’s troubling her, because she is the one that left him. Made him fend for himself in such a harsh and unforgiving world. So why is it that every droplet falling from her eyes makes his heartache once more? ‘You’re so greedy. Why must you take all my tears for yourself?’ He inwardly whispered.
The pain of living through every morning was unbearable. Going to bed alone, waking up alone. Being trapped in an apartment with nothing darkness and silence was so frightening, he ended up being diagnosed with insomnia. Because he’s afraid of closing his eyes and being stuck in an unending black hole.
This soon became the start of his downfall. He lost his job as a soccer coach and not long after he had to move out of his apartment due to unpaid bills. Friends became tired of coaxing him out of depression. Neighbors turned the other way and even his family gave up and left him to drown in his misery. He lived off of coupons and some stock money. Avoided all who knew him, but gossip runs fast in a city that loves to talk. His name would then be associated with pity.
Like the saying goes, “the pain you have been feeling can not compare to the joy that is coming”. That could be semi true in his life. For a man, a few years young than him, came knocking at his window. Not literally of course. But it felt just like that as they collided onto the cement ground, both groaning and cursing at the pain that wrecked their head. He was about to storm off when the man kept blocking his way and eventually pushed him against the wall so he couldn’t leave.
With two simple words, his life changed. “You’re beautiful.” The man mustered, chuckling at the sappiness that left his lips. Luhan flinched as the guy reached into his pants to pull out a business card, stating what exactly a host in his company does. And for days, Luhan couldn’t stop thinking of the one reason to become a host – “You could be someone’s happiness even if just for a night.” Happiness…a feeling he couldn’t even give Tiffany. So what made him think he could give it to others.
But an empty stomach and cold showers is what made him take the boy’s offer. At first he felt quite uncomfortable with his job. Pleasing others in ways he didn’t even want to imagine, saying words that he didn’t mean at all. Each night after his work ended, Luhan would slip into the bathroom and cry under a heavy and cold waterfall, just hoping to rinse away the dirt left on him. Because he knew how much Tiffany loved a pure man.
This went on for weeks. Patrons soon would stop coming to him. Money became scarce one again. And the boss stopped giving him lectures; now they were threats of losing his job. Luckily for him, he met another host, a cute girl that broke through his walls and helped him build a more stable one. She taught him to how to coyly flirt without meaning a word, how to touch someone and still felt fine by the end of the night. This girl held his hand through the whole way. Picking up after his mess and kissing away the tears. To him, she was like his twin. Someone who experienced the same pain and found a way out of it. So it broke his heart when she told him she needed to move away and he knew it tore her when he refused to move with her. His life was here in Seoul, where his best clients were. Where his most important memories were held.

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She had fooled herself into believing that Luhan was still in love with her, that he was waiting for her to come back. How naive of her. How utterly conceited of her. The only possible reason she could think of for the return of unopened letters was he wanted nothing to do with her.

That he'd found someone else. Someone that wasn't her.

Today marked the death anniversary of her unborn child. A child that should've been born into this world and loved. But here she was, wrapped in Luhan's arms, sobbing over her relentless grief and overwhelming guilt. She was so very tired of everything. So tired of keeping it all in. This secret was a burden she could no longer shoulder on her own.

When her guardian angel had found her crying over the stack of unopened letters, he'd told her not to let it bother her. That she shouldn't give up and fight for her love. Her guardian angel had been right. She shouldn't have let those returned letters deter her from flying back to Seoul and telling Luhan the truth.

'The truth will hurt, Tiffany.' Her guardian angel had said. 'But the truth will set you both free.'

With those words in mind, Tiffany pressed her lips against his. With that kiss, she poured all of her heart and soul and hoped with everything she had that Luhan would realize that her love for him hadn't changed.

When she felt herself getting lightheaded, she drew back and caressed his face, her eyes tender. "I didn't leave you for someone else. I didn't fall in love with someone else either. I'm in love with you, Luhan. I left because I was selfish. I left to feed my ambition. And that one decision cost me everything. Cost us everything. I regret it so much. I regret it with every fibre of my being."

Her hands fell away from his face as she reached for her bag, digging around for a second before withdrawing a worn manila envelope containing her medical records and the lone sonogram of their child. The only photograph she possessed of their stolen child.

"I love you, Luhan." She whispered, pressing the envelope into his hands and getting up. "But I don't deserve you."

'I can't give you happiness.' She thought sadly as she fixed her clothes and headed towards the door. She paused for a moment, debating whether or not this was the right thing to do. 'The truth will set him free.' She closed her eyes. 'Yes, the truth was in his hands now.' She opened her eyes and turned towards him, her voice soft and tinged with sadness.

"Goodbye, Luhan."

'Fall in love with somebody else...' The second she heard those words, her heart stopped beating. Time stood still for a split second before it was broken by the sound of her heart shattering into a million jagged shards. A soft, high pitched keen filled her ears and it took her a moment before she realized it came from her.

She shook her head, her hands rising to cup his face. She stared into his eyes and tried to deny his assumption. 'It's not you. It's me. All me. I'm the one who should be apologizing. Sorry...I'm so sorry. So very sorry.' But none of her words made it passed her lips as she choked on her own guilt and regret.

She'd met someone when she was recovering at the hospital. A classmate with whom she shared her law class. They'd never spoken to one another nor have they had any contact whatsoever outside of that one class. But when the news of her tragedy spread amongst campus grounds and authorities, he'd taken it upon himself to visit her, or so she'd been told. He'd been at her bedside when she'd awoke, hands folded and head bowed, fast asleep. And that was the first thing that greeted her every day for two months.

He'd been the one to witness her break down when her complaint to the school's disciplinary office was neglected and unresolved. He'd been there when she was approached by authorities asking if she wanted to press charges. He'd been the one to hold her when the jury found the defendant not guilty due to insufficient evidence and unreliable testimonies. He'd been the one to shield her from the nasty, degrading comments from fellow classmates who believed she was a . He'd been the one to find and shut down the forum containing manipulated photos of her and content meant to ruin her reputation. He'd been the one to persuade her to continue to believe in justice and the law; that those who sinned do not get to sleep. He'd been the one to buy her an apartment across the hall from his and helped her move in. He'd been the one to pick her up every time she fell down. He'd been her best friend, neighbor, classmate and colleague. Her guardian angel.

'Fall in love.' A voice scoffed in her head. 'As if.' As if anyone could love someone as broken as her. Someone deemed unworthy in the public's eyes. A . Love? As if.

But her guardian angel had. Unconditionally. For every ounce of love that radiated from him, a pound of regret settled deep into the cold, empty cavern that was her heart. She couldn't love him, she'd told him so, because someone else already possessed her heart. She'd left her heart, body, mind and soul with Luhan the moment she boarded the plane to London. She could never love another like him. Because Luhan was her everything.

He'd taken her rejection well and although there were moments of awkward silence and thick tension, they managed to fight through everything. There were no secrets between them. None whatsoever. Except one.

Tiffany had taken to writing letters and folding cranes. She wrote one letter and folded one crane for each day she'd been in the hospital recovering and every day since she was declared healthy enough to leave. One letter for each day that passed without Luhan by her side.

3 years. 1,095 days. 1,095 letters. 1,095 cranes.

Every day, she sent Luhan a letter and a crane. And every single letter was mailed back to her, unopened and stamped with: Return to Sender.

Luhan didn't even understand why his anger escalated so quickly. Never once in his life has he ever felt this type of fury - this type of wrath that could make him want to hurt somebody. Frustrated, he turned his back towards her. The sight of her tearing face too much for his poor heart to handle.

'Why are you making it so hard for me to hate you' he wants to say. She, who caused him to be who he is now, should be despised yet he can't find it in his heart to let her go. Because there's a little part of the truth that he refuses to see. The fact that though she left, he never made an effort to fight for her back.

Sudden pair of hands wrapped around his waist. Instead of warmth, all he felt was disgust. He just wanted to push her away and crawl into a corner. To tell her how much pain she caused and demand for her to give him his life back. Those years that she took away from him the moment she left. If it wasn't for her, he wouldn't have felt like an incapable lover. Thus he took a job as a host, which surprisingly came to him by chance. Who knew shopping at the mall, one could get a job offer.

Her plead for him to stop did not go unnoticed; it only made his blood boil. 'Stop. Stop!' he wanted to shout. 'Stop what? Stop trying to fill the void in his soul the moment she left by not sleeping with his patrons. By taking in the job as a host, he could prove to her that he is capable of pleasing others and making them want to stay forever with him. That he, Xi Luhan, is not to be messed with' he wants to scream, to yell, to kick, to hug her once again in her arms, to cry, to live happily ever after'.

Right when his words were ready to be spewed out, he felt coldness surround him and a deafening thump to the ground. And there she was curled up on the ground, sobbing rivers in his bedroom floor.

Without much thought, he rushed by her side, cuddling her into his arms, begging her to be okay in his broken cries. "I'm so sorry." He repeats, wiping away the mess on his face as rocks them back in forth. 'Sorry for not being a better boyfriend that you had to leave. Sorry for cooking and cleaning more often. For not being home. For not chasing after you. For not using all my effort in finding you instead of moping around. For not understanding your reason. But most importantly, for not loving you correctly'.

Like a punch to the chest, his heart nearly gave out to her whimpering ask of forgiveness. "Shhh baby." He cried softly, pulling her more tightly in his embrace. "It wasn't your fault. It was mine. All mine. I'm so sorry. If I was better...then maybe you wouldn't have fell in with somebody else."

@Luhan She shook her head quickly, her hands reaching out to him. No, she wanted to say. That was not her reason. It was her punishment. 'Say something!' A tiny voice screamed in the back of her mind. 'Tell him!'

She rushed forward and slipped her arms around his waist, her cheek pressed against his back. Her tears soaked the back of his shirt, but she didn't care.

"Stop, Luhan. Please stop." She whispered brokenly. 'Stop hurting. I want you to stop hurting. Please God, let me take his pain.' She prayed. 'Let me suffer instead.'

And then it was as though something snapped inside her mind, her arms slipped slowly from his waist as she fell to the floor. For the first time, she curled into herself and wept. She wept for their broken love. She wept for the unfairness of it all. She wept for him. She wept for her.

And then, she wept for the loss of their unborn child.

'TELL HIM!' The tiny voice screamed inside her mind. 'TELL HIM WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU!'

But she remained frozen, tears flowing freely down her face as her eyes dull and unfocused. Memory after horrid memory flashed through her mind. The moment she stepped off the plane that created the distance between her and Luhan. The sadness that clung to her like a thick skin as she entered her university for the first time. The numbness she felt whenever she forced herself to smile when her roommates asked her if she was okay. The overwhelming dizziness and sickness that wracked her for two months before she dragged herself to the doctor. The deafening shock that slapped her in the face when she was told the news. The crippling happiness that swept over her when she finally processed what her doctor was saying.

She'd made up her mind to tell Luhan that day, she'd even booked a flight back home scheduled for the next day. She'd been in utter bliss until she was persuaded by her roommates to attend homecoming. She'd given in because she thought it would be a lovely last memory of this place before she returned to where she belonged.

How wrong she was. That last memory became the memory that would haunt her in her sleep and was the catalyst to everything.

Tear after tear slipped from her lifeless eyes as she recalled what happened. The stomach-turning feeling that incapacitated her after unknowingly downing a spiked drink. The rough hand that covered when she wandered drunkenly out into the hallway and dragged into a dark room. The harsh slaps that stung her face when she tried to scream and squirm free. The utter horror when she felt a large hand holding her wrists and another covering as someone else climbed over her. The disgusting panting that filled her mind as she screamed herself hoarse and the devastating pain that wracked her body when someone had forced themselves upon her.

She'd passed out then and awoke in a hospital. Tainted. Dirty. Broken. That was what she was. Heartbroken was what she felt when she'd been informed of the miscarriage she'd suffered on the way to the hospital.

The loss of her unborn child. Their child.

Is that why she left? No, it was her punishment. And so, she wept for everything.

She raised her head, quivering. "Forgive me."

@Tiffany He heart stopped when the familiar scent of strawberries invaded his nose. Without warning, her soft lips kissed his pain away momentarily. In that moment, the anger he once had faded away. Orbs clouded in grief watched as her innocence overtook the situation. Hand above her beating heart, she asked if he felt it. The slow, rhythmic thump against her chest. He could only blink in response. Only if she knew how caged up his own was, then maybe she would understand his actions.

"I...." He started to say, but the words got stuck in his throat. Who does she think she's talking to? This Luhan, is now a host, a person who pleases others for a living. It is he, who is scared of her actually understanding his career, his life. Too choked up to respond, he quickly gathered her hands into his own, placing small kisses onto each finger.

He wanted to tell her that though she hurt him; he was willing to give it another go. Life is all a risk and he's willing to bet on her once more. With a broken smile, he tried to wipe away the rivers flowing down her cheeks when suddenly part of the truth finally come out.

"What?" He said in disbelief. Hands gripped onto his hair as he took a couple of steps back. Those words...her reason. "Tainted." He chuckled out. "Tainted! You're (f)ucking tainted. Is this why you left?" The words were meant to stab her in the chest, but broke out as a sob. Because she wasn't the only one that was defiled. No... Maybe it was the horrible twist of truth that got him worked up. God punished him for taking on a degrading job by ruining the love of his life. He took his lamp and threw it to the ground, watching it smack into pieces. Just like his heart.

@Luhan She flinched as the flask ricocheted off the wall and landed with a dull clatter on the other side of the room. She took a delicate step forward, but halted in her tracks when he struck his wall. Her heart squeezed painfully as she was once again reminded that she was the cause of his pain and suffering. She'd been the one to give him those scars. She'd stripped him of his happiness and left him to cope alone.

She'd been the one to destroy him.

She closed her eyes against the aching pain and took a step forward. And then another. And another. Until she was directly behind his hunched frame.

She tugged his hand away from the windowpane, smoothing a thumb over his bruised knuckles. Without a moment's hesitation, she brought his hand to her lips before holding his hand against her cheek. She stepped forward and laid his hand against her chest, right above her beating heart.

"Do you feel this?" She whispered, her voice gentle. "It only beats for you." She stared up at him, her eyes sad. "You are still the only person I have ever loved, still love and will love."

She hesitated, in a shaky breath before forcing herself to speak. "I'm not asking you to forgive me for what I did because I cannot even forgive myself. But I want you to know that regardless of how you've changed, I am still your Tiffany. My heart belongs to you, Luhan." She choked on her word this time, her voice cracking. "But, I'm afraid, so very afraid of what you'll do when the truth comes out. Will you look at me differently? Will you still love me, Luhan?"

She looked away from him then, tears streaming down her face. Her voice pleading. "I'm scared..." She murmured. "Because I'm tainted."

@Tiffany So she knew what he now does for a living. His eyes turned dark as he flipped himself off her. Angry hands rumbeld throught he drawer to find a small metal flask. Without a second thought, he let his throat burn by the sweet liquid. The contents that helped him survive after so many years.

A loud crash sounded the silent room as the metal object struck the wall. "No, you're not my patron." He furiously whispered. They just got back together again. Wait. No. Exchanges of love given but no confirmation of forever.

He slammed his hand against his window wall. The night grew older, while the moon stopped forcing itself to shine. Tears welted not only in his eyes but his heart as he tried to comprehend everything.

"I can't even make love to you without being scared you would leave me." He quietly cries. "You have no idea the scars you left me, Tiff. I'm not the same person you fell in love with years ago. The skeleton is left behind but the soul is long gone."

@Luhan "Luhan, please..." She whispered breathlessly, her hands gripping his shoulders to keep herself in place. She couldn't think, she couldn't breathe. Her senses filled with nothing but the intoxicating feel and smell of Luhan. It was driving her insane.

'Too fast. Too fast.' A tiny voice whispered in the corner of her mind.

But when she felt his lips against her neck, she lost all ability to produce coherent thought. She arched her neck for him, the slim fingers of one hand sliding down the front of his lithe frame to grip the bottom of his shirt.

'Off.' She wanted to say, but her command disappeared when she felt his lips upon hers. She kissed him back for a brief second before she finally broke free from the haze of pleasure clouding her mind.

She nipped his lip playfully before pulling back, her eyes dark with desire. Her tone, however, was slightly nervous. Afraid.

"Luhan..." She spoke, her eyes cast away from his face. "I'm not your patron."

Nervousness and excitement hit Luhan the moment, they arrived back at his apartment. Like their first time in a frat party, he's got her back up against the wall, legs wrapped around him, quietly out his name. He couldn't help the thrill running down his spine as his hands slipped underneath her cotton shirt. Making open mouth kisses down her jawline down to her neck, he can't help but groan as his nuzzles his face into her chest. A strange plead for this not to be a dream just dangling in his mind.

The night was still young. The moon's dull glimmer broke into his bedroom, casting upon the girl that's now panting underneath him. 'You're beautiful', he mouths before dipping in for a sweet and short kiss.

{ ahahaha i took your room's ity! yesss!! 8D
i wish i could have that room ;A; and live there with chanyeol lmfao }

[Noooo my room has been violated before I could do anything to it D8 /dramatic sobbing/ LOLLLLLLL right I love that room *O*]

[woow *-*]

{ taking the wall ity! :p
and fuuuuuuu the picture of your roooom....../dies
it's my dream to have that kind of room! ;~~~; }