° got7's

@kim yugyeom i suppose it does feel like that, doesn't it?
/adds on quietly as you say its like everything is falling apart, frowning to myself as i know now i should have insisted for a moment with you to explain
since when did crying for being upset just be a baby thing? you're hurting, yugyeom. and at least part of that is my fault, you don't need to hide it from me
/knowing that for all the playfulness and giggles you have, that there's a tender heart inside of your chest and whenever you cry it makes me ache for you, wishing i could just... fix it
/as you find my hand with your own i let you grip it as tight as you need, my fingers gently filling the spaces between your own whilst i look at our hands together
/i freeze when you ask me about mark though, sighing afterwards and i lift my gaze as well, meeting your eyes before i reach my other hand out, brushing your hair back from your face
if that's what you want...
/inhaling deeply i steel myself as i have to resurface old things i'd rather just forget, but i figure you need to know anyway and its not fair keeping you in the dark
well, i fell in love with mark hyung. so... we ended up dating. it didn't last very long, maybe a couple of months?
/my gaze falls to our hands as i sit there quietly with you, my turn to grip onto you a lighter tighter when i don't feel strong enough to continue but i persevere, refusing to cry now
he ended up blaming me for a lot of stuff, ultimately his unhappiness and he felt as if i owed him things i didn't feel the same about
to put it simply he turned out to be someone i couldn't love any more. so we fell out of love and out of the relationship
/without needing to say it you can perhaps tell that i thought mark was going to be my end game, the one i had every intention of proposing to and starting a family with but i remember now nothing lasts forever
/its also clear that i let his words get to me, that i genuinely feel as if i'm the core reason for someone's unhappiness, that no matter how hard i tried nothing was good enough and its left me feeling empty, grey and with no motivation to try again either
i pretend that it doesn't hurt me any more. i pretend to be okay. i pretend...
/smiling sadly to myself as i say those words my grip on your hand has loosened, and somewhere in the back of my mind i can hear the waves crashing, frowning as i shake my head softly and try to stay here with you
this place is full of memories of him and i and he still lives here too. i'm fine being professional and acting in front of the cameras, but i need space. i need to be away or i feel i'll go mad
does that answer your question, gyeom?
/murmurs softly as i look up from our hands to your face, having managed to keep my tears at bay, my eyes just a little misty and voice shaky when i say your name

@park jinyoung leaving me in the dark when everything is falling apart isn't protecting me hyung...
/murmurs, my eyes cast away from you as i feel more tears come but i don't want to cry anymore, i don't even want to be here, shame eats away at me so quickly, leaving just this unbearable need to disappear, yet i can't bring my feet to move away from the spot, instead they feel rooted to the door, and its because you're holding me and i don't want to pull away from your arms, and i want to laugh at myself because i'd be willing to endure almost anything to hold onto you for just a few more seconds, and its pathetic/
/bites my lip, and sallow down anymore sobs, letting you wipe away my tears, and i naturally lean into your touch but i force myself to not chase after it, to pull away just the slightest bit, before muttering/
you're not hurting me...just being a baby /says flatly, none of this feels right it feels like i'm fighting a battle that has already ended, already had been lost, in a breath and lets out remaining silent as you try to comfort me, and maybe any other day it would've worked, but today it doesn't not like before, my crying has ceased but inside me everything is still twisted up in painful knots, nothing i do or say will be enough to keep you here, and its obvious when you whisper 'i'm sorry', my body remains rigid, unable to release the tension in my muscles and bone because after tonight i won't know peace like before, your placating words do nothing for me, but i nod my head anyway, just stare at the ground in silence/
/presses my lips together as weigh different thoughts in my head, though its so hard cause it feels like their a weight pressing down on my head and nothing can be done to make it go away, body moving numbly along with yours, i sit there and stare at my hands before looking at yours held out to me, and my hand moves towards it before i can even make a thought, it takes hold of yours and squeezes tightly, and i know, i know i'll never stop loving you, even after you're gone/
...w-what happened between you and mark /asks, knowing its a damning question but its the one i care about most, i finally look up at you,eyes red with crying and there are tears that still threaten to fall any second but i let them be, i don't care anymore, the fight inside me has given up for now/

@kim yugyeom i guess... i guess everyone wants to protect you. but that's not our choice to make when you're missing out a crucial few details huh?
/when you mention the docks i feel a cold tug at the pit of my stomach, still feeling that pull on the worse off days though i fight it, as best as i can at least
yugyeom...
/whispers as you hiccup the words out, holding you against me gently still but firm enough to keep you from slumping down too far now
/as you plead for me not to go i can't help but think you sound like a child, so desperate in your begging that it makes my heart break at the site and sound of it all
shh...
/feeling your hands clutching onto me i lift my own, as steady as i can to wipe your tears softly, brushing over your cheeks though there's too many for me to stop
i'm hurting you even now
/smiles a little sadly at the irony, inhaling deeply before i just rest my hand at the back of your head and hold your face to my chest, unable to look at your crying face for a moment longer
we were never going to live in the dorm forever, right?
this hyung is just stepping out from the nest a little early
/closing my eyelids i rub your back with my other hand, choked up on my own emotions as i hold you, trying to hum softly to ease some of your aching though i doubt it helps right now
i'm sorry...
/whispers by one of your ears softly, just for you to hear even in the loneliness of this room, my life packed up into boxes ready to be taken away and to leave memories lingering behind
you know i love you, right, gyeom?
i love you very much and you can always come and stay over
/remembering my conversation with bam, i remember how i felt and do feel i have no right to even offer you to come stay with me, because this dorm is your home as well
ask me anything
i'll try and answer it for you, alright?
/making you sit down i perch beside you, wiping more of your tears away before i hold my hand out to you, a quiet gesture for comfort from me to you

@park jinyoung bambam hasn't told me anything- even when i asked he just said it was nothing and i didn't have to worry about it
i knew it wasn't true but still...if no one is gonna tell me what the hell is going on i don't know what to do
/sighs softly almost in defeat because i know your words are true/ but we talk hyung...i talk to you the most out of everyone....and since that night at the d-docks /bites my lip to hide the way they tremble as i recall that dark memory, the way you'd look at the ocean, as if those dark cold depths were home instead of the room you left me all alone, and if i hadn't gone there i can't imagine what you would've done, i don't want to imagine it/
/feels your hand on my shoulders, and it takes so much in me to go limp against your touch, but my crying can't be held back anymore, not now that you've seen the fresh tears rolling down my cheeks, i look away from you, covering my eyes/
...i-it won't be the same...i won't be able to just walk across the hall and see you
i won't be able to go to your room and sleep with you- i won't know if you're okay even more
you won't tell me here whats really bothering you- can imagine if you're not around as much?
/hiccups out my words between words and when you wrap your arms around me, my body falls apart in your embrace, and i cling onto you tightly, as if i hold onto you tight enough you won't go, i curl into you, my head dipping down and hiding in your chest/
d-don't go hyung please....don't leave me here alone
you won't hurt me jingyoungie /whimpers out, and i know thats a lie but i know you'd never purposely hurt me, i can't blame you for the way i feel, nor if you don't see me the same way, i just want to stay by your side/
/tries to breathe in evenly, though my sobbing as subsided because of your gentle touches, tears continue to roll down my cheeks, fear still holds me, shakes my head/
i want you then....i want to stay by your side hyung

@kim yugyeom i guess i thought bam would have told you or something. i don't know. we don't talk much any more, all of us i mean
its just... its hard but its not your fault. what happens to me shouldn't affect you, its my problem
/lifts my head from my hands, leaning back just a little as i sigh softly to myself, looking back at you when it sounds like you almost say i'm going to leave you specifically
hey-
/alarmed at you crying i get up and hurriedly step closer to you, frowning as i place my hands on your shoulders gently, trying to get a glimpse into your eyes
yugyeom why are you crying? i'm not vanishing forever. i'm just moving out
come on... come on, don't cry
/wrapping one arm around you, the other comes to rest my hand against the back of your head, cradling your head to my chest as i close my eyelids briefly and sigh to myself
i can't make any more mistakes. i can't
i can't hurt anyone else, i can't be what people need me to be and i can't... i can't let myself given in and have what i want. what i need
/murmurs as i lean my head against your own gently, stroking your hair softly as i try and sooth you, hating whenever you cry even if i pretend otherwise sometimes
you don't need me. you don't need anyone. you might be the maknae but look how far you've come, gyeom-ah

@park jinyoung I didn’t think I had to- what happens between all of us as members in this dork affects me too
what happens to you affects me jinyoung...
/brings my hand down my face in frustration, and I feel this stinging sensation behind my eyes, but I fight against cause I can’t fall apart now, not in front of you/
...what happened? I just don’t understand- what did they do for it to end up like this?
/asks my voice dropping to silence when you mentioned ‘mark’ and it being a mistake that you dated someone so close, I feel my own heart bleed out inside me until it’s run dry, shriveled up mess of tissue and muscle, i ball hand up at my side and dig my finger nails into my palm, pushing them until they pierced brought the skin so that pain can distract me from the tragedy going down in my chest/
you’re just gonna runaway and leave m- /stops myself from finishing the word and feels a sob hiccup in me, shaking my head as I find myself blinded by tears I refuse to let fall/
n-no you just don’t get it ...you could never let down hyung I just want you to go
cause I’d miss you too much- not cause I missed someone to bother because....it’s you and I need you /chokes out the last bit, brings my hand to my face to hide my flushed tear streaked cheeks, and takes a step back away from the door/

@kim yugyeom i.... yes of course you do. you just had to ask, gyeom. i'm sorry i didn't tell you sooner
/when you look at me like that i'm at a loss for words so suddenly, you look crestfallen and so fragile, like i've mishandled you too much
yugyeom-
i don't know what i'm supposed to tell you here. i can't stomach looking at some of our own members and i'm moving out so i can scavenge what little patience i have for them for our shows and being in the public eye
i messed up too. i shouldn't have dated someone so close to all of us and i just-
i'm not put together like i usually am. i like hiding. i like being alone when things go wrong because there's only one person to let down then. me
/sighing in defeat i sit down on the box i was on previously, bowing my head into my hands as i laugh a little bit at myself
and now on top of everything i'm letting you down too

@park jinyoung /presses my lips together tightly, my brows together in frustration becomes I just feel so in the dark, and I know it’s partly my fault not being around enough but, I can’t just let you go like this/
I know things haven’t been great around here ...I don’t understand what went wrong- no one will tell me and maybe it’s cause I’m the youngest but don’t I deserve to know why my hyung is leaving?
/asks, my voice breaking in the end as a rush of emotions hit me so hard, things I’ve been ignoring for weeks in favor to remain strong and reliable in front of you and the others, but now I feel the cracks coming up to the surface, I look at you with slightly wide eyes with a sad gleam, when you make what we have so small, knowing you’d never see me as more but hearing it hurts a lot more than I could’ve imagine, it like being er punched in the chest, knocking out all of my breath/
is that all we are? a cute gimmicky friendship?

@kim yugyeom /when you mention it not being the same i sigh softly to myself, rubbing my palm against the back of my neck as i turn away and pace around the small space left in my room filled with so many boxes
its not like its been normal as of late anyway, yugyeom
/stops and turns around to look at you again, my hands in my trouser pockets as i frown a little bit and then try give you a little smile in its stead
you just want someone to torture and tease, hmn?
in our little tom and jerry act

@park jinyoung /stays there by the door, watching you quietly until you’ve put away the photos, I’m curious about them but I’m more concerned about you leaving, I bite my lip and nod my head at your words, I fidget with my hands and look down/
don’t want hyung to go...this place wouldn’t be the same- /says softly, knowing I wouldn’t be the same if you left, I’ve become so reliant on you I can’t imagine you not here, just a few feet away from me, and even that is too much/

@kim yugyeom /sitting on one of the taped up boxes, going through old polaroids in my hands i smile a little at the photos, looking up though when i hear you
oh, gyeom-ah
i didn't hear you come-
/pauses at your question, lips parting before i bow my head and place the photos to the side, standing up to face you
you don't want me to move out?

@park jinyoung /walks into your room, seeing your suitcase and boxes packed up, there’s a tight feeling in my chest that makes it hard to breathe/
....do you have to go hyung? /asks in a small voice/

Excuse me whilst I move out

@jackson wang Ssshhh
*covers your mouth and gives you a blanket*

@kunpimook bhuwakul Go sleep then~

@kunpimook bhuwakul *gasps* whyabre you killing me!! Dont kill me!!
*whines*

I should be asleep too but everything.
I'll stay up until I die

@jackson wang You're dead to me because you won't go to sleep

@kunpimook bhuwakul Not me...im alive~ haha~

did they all ing die--

*sits in the couch, eating ramen quietly*

@mark tuan [SH] hyung please. its only morning and you're complimenting me so much
if you wanted me to melt all you had to do was looking at me for longer than fifteen seconds and i'd have been a puddle at your feet
/mutters around a mouthful of pancake, shaking my head softly to myself before i glance at you a little sheepishly, hoping you still know i'm just kidding, mostly, and not actually upset or anything
/nods in agreement about yugyeom needing us, inhaling deeply before i let my shoulders sag, this whole thing reminding me of some fears i've got of my own but i tell myself that's not us, we're not the same, but i remember i'm getting ahead of myself
huh-
/snaps out my reverie when i realise you're talking to me, shaking my head with a small frown as i sit up a little straighter and speak up
i don't think the place or activity matters
as long as he's with us i think that's what's going to start the healing for him
/pauses and leans in a little, ducking my head down so you see it in part of your vision, giving you a small reassuring smile as i speak up
you- you make him happy
so that's what we're going to give him
/nods resolutely, a plan already forming in my mind as i, as always, don't mind sorting out the details
after we're done here, can you go grab yugyeom and wait for me outside the apartment? i won't take long but both of you remember to bring jackets. just in case

@park jinyoung yes, sir!
/corrects myself immediately, playfully saluting at you to indicate i understood your words, nodding just in case before i go backt to eating breakfast, a warm smile painted upon my lips.
you deserve all the praises.
/hums softly undery breath as i speak and bites into the pancake, munching on it with an obvious delight , enjoying everything you made me.
sounds like a good idea, i've been thinking about the same thing. he needs us.
/nods and rests my cheek on my hand, taking a long sip of my coffee and playing with the mug when i set it back down, glancing at it before looking back up at you.
do you think we should take him to zoo, or botanical park or to the arcade? movies? i have no idea what would make him happiest...

@mark tuan [SH] on crying- absolutely no crying or i'll never do it again. alright?
/nods to you with a completely serious expression before i turns into a huge grin spreading across my features, making me laugh softly in response
/smiles to myself when you praise me, returning your smile as i lean back and watch you beginning to eat, resting my hands in my lap briefly
aye-
you're praising me too much, hyung
/clears my throat after we break eye contact, digging in to my own pancakes before i look back at you quietly, unable to help myself from smiling all the more
i was thinking we could go out again today
but maybe we could... i don't know, take yug or something?
i spoke to him like you asked me too. and at the moment the main thing he seems to need is company. so what if we take him somewhere nice? you know, to get his mind off of things?
/glances down at my food as i pick up a couple pieces of bacon, biting into the crispy meat before i glance back at you for confirmation on the idea, hoping you don't mind

@park jinyoung /smiles wamly when you talk to me in english, not forgetting to comment on how good your pronounciation is and how more often you should speak it, a soft look painting my features as you brush my hair and i lean into the touch, just as if i was chasing it.
mhm.
/hums a low tune in the back of my throat as i stretch my arms and get up, hand held by your bigger palm i give a gentle squeeze, almost regretting the moment when i can no longer feel it since it's time to eat.
godㅡ you shouldn't have...do you want me to tear up?
/chuckles breathily as a touched look crosses my features and i look up at you after taking in the breakfast you made me, resisting the urge to give you all the hugs in the world.
it even smells so good...jinyoung-ah, you're the best. period.
/flashes you my best smile showcasing the pearl whites and reaching the eyes which corner crinkle, happiness coruscating within me and making me glow in felicity before i dig into the food you prepared, humming in approval at the taste.
just like home. my home.
/mutters softly the last part while looking at you with soft eyes, catching myself gazing for a little too long so i drink coffee instead.

@mark tuan [SH] /smiles as you look at me, hearing your deep voice calling out in english before i return the sentiment in the best english i can do, asking you how did you sleep even
mhm. you looked like you needed the sleep so i just let you rest
/takes a few more moments, just appreciating the soft look you have right now before i hum and lean up, brushing some more of your hair back as i speak softly
come on now, lets get you up and at the breakfast table
/pulls the blankets away, gently holding your hand as i get you up, holding your hand in my own still as i take you to the kitchen where i sit down at the table with you
i hope its okay-
i'm not used to cooking these types of foods but i remembered what you told me and from what i saw on a few cooking shows too
/smiles softly before i sit opposite you, popping a few berries in my mouth before i smile to myself at the taste, motioning for you to go ahead and dish up first
take as much as you want, hyung

@park jinyoung /i stay nestled up in the safety of your arms for the night, sailing away in the sea of dreams whilst your omnipresent warmth surrounds me, rendering my slumber peaceful and deep.
/even the expression upon my face speaks of utter serenity as your lips hans on my skin and i subconsciously seek you when you are not next to me in bed, cuddling into the hoodie and pressing my face into the pillow carrying your scent.
/and just like that i remain, bathed in your soothing scent and basking in the lingering warmth giving me the delusion that you are here. i'm starting to dance on the edge between slumber and reality when you come back after making breakfast, being aware of the footsteps but struggling to open my eyes.
/my eyelids flutter when i feel your hand on my cheek and i am blinking away the bleary vision, letting it focus on you, my heart skipping a beat when the first sight i see in the morning is your face, glasses so handsomely sat atop the bridge of your nose.
g'morning, jinyoungie.
/i mumble out sleepily, subconsciously using english before i try to sit up a little and i rub at my eyes, yawning softly, your words only reaching me moments later, causing me to widen my eyes.
oh myㅡ you didn't have to, iㅡ have i been sleeping for this long?

@mark tuan [SH] /wakes up before you, checking the time on my watch before i sigh, seeing its a fairly bit early and my body clock won't let me rest
/deciding to turn it into a plus i tug your blanket up over you a little, brushing your hair back from your forehead and kissing your skin gently as i smile to myself
sleep a little more...
/leaves you be, heading out and to the bathroom where i wash up and then head to my room, changing into sweatpants and an old t-shirt, ruffling my damp hair before i slide on another pair of glasses
/shuffling through in my slippers i decide on making you some breakfast, remembering the comment about america and the conversation last night so i decide to make you something a little different
/struggles a bit with the pancakes at first but eventually gets a good system, the smell of bacon cooking lifting into the air as i smile to myself and get another pain going with eggs
/heaps washed fruit into another bowl, placing it on the tablet beside the syrup before i bite my bottom lip and bring the sky high pile of pancakes to the table
here we go...
/makes some fresh coffee and pours out some juice, putting the cutlery on the table last before i tug off my apron, throwing it in the washing machine before i finally come to your room to wake you up
hyung...
/sits on the edge of your bed, brushing your hair back from your face yet again, smiling at the sight of you all cuddled up in my hoody, squeezing your shoulder before i your cheek
hyung wake up
i made you breakfast...
and you better hurry or the others will eat it all

*silently cooks breakfast and lunch, trying to not wake jinyoung and mark*

@park jinyoung /the squeeze you give my hand delivers me with all the reassurance i need, knowing you are the man of your words and you wouldn't leave me once promised, so i wait in bed quietly until i feel the mattress dip under additional weight.
/looks at you with a dazed, drowsy gaze, corners of my eyes crinkling under a serene smile before i feel your arm around my waist and i am pulled closer to you, right against the safety of your warmth.
jinyoung...
/breathes your name out in the propinquity our bodies commit and it's just as if i was getting drunk off everything you provide me with ㅡ warmth, comfort, scent, safety, affection. it all creates a blend causing my heart to bubble with happiness and i wish i could tell you that but my brain refuses, being too tired.
/my fingers curl themselves in your shirt as i hug you to myself and press myself against you, soft, dreamy gaze never faltering from your face until my eyelids grow too heavy and a soft exhale releases itself from delicately parted lips, staying bundled up within your hold.