⚕ Maia's Office

@S. Maia ⚕ Maybe....
/she sighs, rolling her eyes and half-heartedly elbowing Jason's side/
Shut up, you such a dork
/she groans, sitting up and shaking her head a little bit/
I think I've done as much as I can today though, is it okay if we just quit now?
I don't know how long I'm supposed to be here, but I'm not sure I'm going to be easy to talk to for much longer
I think I just want to eat and go take a nap in my room or something, these mood swings make me tired

@J. Jinsoul We will find a way I'm sure.
We know things trigger you... I've seen it.
And we know some things can calm you and ground you.
*nods to Jason*
So I don't think your a hopeless case... a hard one yes but not hopeless.
We will work this out Jinsoul. I promise.

*grins a little and holds you closer*
I only work cause I'm gay I think...

@S. Maia ⚕ I wouldn't know how
/she admits with a heavy sigh, shifting a little to curl up tighter in Jason's lap/
My moods swing so fast, and sometimes for no reason and with no warning
I'm fine and then I'm suddenly not
And it gets out of control so fast, I don't know how to stop it
all I can do is let it run its course and wait until I calm down again

@J. Jinsoul *nods a little and smiles softly*
I know how that feels... to a degree.
I understand wanting to leave the world behind... I'm just too scared to do it. For now.
*looks down for a moment before letting out a breath*
There is nothing wrong with feeling those things, or lashing out when you do, thats human nature.
What we need to try and do is stop you getting that far.
Find a way to more actively and calmly release those feelings and not build so many walls.
Something I am also very guilty of.

@S. Maia ⚕ I'm always a danger to myself, or someone else
/she points out with a tired sigh/
Yeah, I wanted to die
I got... upset. I don't like feeling things, especially not vulnerable. I knew she was interested in someone else, and I just kind of lost it.
I didn't know what to do with myself. I felt... angry, but mostly at myself. I felt overwhelmed, and whole ing lot of self hatred.
Of course I wanted to die.

@J. Jinsoul *nods a little and smiles softly*
One day you should tell her those things. But I understand.
Nothing will leave this room unless I think your a danger to your self.
Which front what I heard, you already were.
*smiles weakly*
Jason can come to every session if it makes you more comfortable

@S. Maia ⚕ Oh, okay
/she relaxes a little when you explain, nodding slowly/
Yeah, I'm sure she'll want to be involved
She said she would come here with me if I asked her to
I'll need someone, for a while I think, I'm not very... good at talking to people on my own incase that wasn't already obvious
/rests her head on Jason's shoulder, nodding a little bit/
I don't want her to know, I mean... there's just that's happened in the past she doesn't need to know about. It would only upset her.

@J. Jinsoul Yea. I cannot and will not share anything that's shared in here.
*smiles a little*
I meant your partner. I'm assuming they will be helping you through this as well.
No one will be in this room unless you want them in here, but you will need support.
If you don't want her in here that's fine... She'll help other ways.
And I won't be talking to her about what's happening at all.

@S. Maia ⚕ Four of us?
/she repeats, looking at Jason and then back at you in confusion/
Who else is involved in this?
/she asks, frowning a little bit as she narrows her eyes slightly in suspicion, she had no idea who else would have access to anything she said here, she'd thought it was all supposed to be private/
You're not allowed to share I say, right?
There are laws against that or something?

@J. Jinsoul *chuckles a little and smiles slightly*
I think a better way for us to this might be to let you just...rant
At least until your a little more comfortable then we can start working on finding a way the channel and direct your anger, and then to control it.
I know it seems... pointless to sit here and yell at me about whatever is bothering you, or something that happened but it might help bridge a gap between us.
And help me understand the kind of things that trigger you more than others.
But I want your input every step of this. If you dont want to yell one day, we wont yell, you dont want to see me at all, we wont. Want a cup of coffee, I'll get the good stuff from the staff room.
We are in this together, all 4 of us and we will beat it. Ok.

@S. Maia ⚕ Yeah, sure
/she mumbles, nodding as her anger starts to slowly calm down again and she settles back against Jason/
Is that we need to talk about?
I don't know what else I'm supposed to do
Asshat jumped right into questions and then tried to ignore me when I got angry.

@J. Jinsoul *nods a little and smiles softly*
I rarely take notes on things unless its something I need to remind myself to do later, and even then I try to remember them myself.
So you dont have to worry about me writing anything down, and anything I do write your free to look at.
Deal?

@S. Maia ⚕ No, I ing don't.
It's ing hard enough to say anything without having to deal with you people not bothering to actually listen because you're too busy writing your opinion on how ed up I am.
I hate that, you can write your ing notes when I'm not in the god damn room
/she insists angrily, glaring at the floor as she shakes her head/
I know damn good and well you don't have to take notes. You can wait. I don't need to feel judged and labeled every ing minute I'm in the room.

@J. Jinsoul *nods a little and gets up heading to my desk*
I'm just making myself a note to talk to him. Nothing about you.
*jots it down on the pad on my desk before coming to sit back down*
So you dont like people writing doen things when your talking?

*smiles and relaxes my hold into more of a hug trying to give you comfort*

@S. Maia ⚕ That Donghae!
/she huffs, leaning back against Jason and glaring at the desk/
I ing told him not to write down when I was talking because I don't ing like it, so he pulled some smart bull about how I said he wouldn't 'write' so he'd use his phone instead to take notes.
I told him I would say a damn thing until the phone was shut off and he refused and told me that he wasn't obligated to help me. So I ed off, I wasn't dealing with that bull.
This is ing hard enough without some deliberately making me uncomfortable.

@J. Jinsoul *frowns a little*
therapist?
*sits forward a little looking at you*
What happened?
I'm sorry someone on the staff has made you feel that and I promise to see to it as soon as I can legally. Just tell me what happened and with who.

*keps holding you in place not letting you up*
*smiling a little as you actually talk*

@S. Maia ⚕ Dammit, let me go!
/she groans, half-heartedly fighting to try to stand back up/
What the hell do you think I'm doing here in the first place?
/she snaps, rolling her eyes in annoyance/
Do you have any ing idea how hard it was just to get myself here? Especially after that last ing of a therapist?
I almost gave up entirely, but I ing tried again, I'm ing here, aren't I?

@J. Jinsoul *Jason grabs your wrist and pulls you back*
It's not stupid jinsoul.
*sits you back on lap and holds you there.*

I agree with Jason... I don't think it's stupid at all.
And you wouldn't be the only person here trying to get clearance to be let out for the same reason.
There is nothing wrong with having a reason to try and change.
But... if you really don't want me to help you then I won't be able to.
Your going to have to want it. And fight for it.

@S. Maia ⚕ It sounds stupid when you say it like that.
/she sighs, standing up and shaking her head/
Just forget it, this was pointless.
Sorry I wasted your time.

@J. Jinsoul *smiles a little*
It's ok Jinsoul...
Its going to make for strange sessions but we can use Jason if he's ok.

I'm fine with it.
She wants to control her anger so she can go on a date.
Basically.
*chuckles a little*
I know she can do it

@S. Maia ⚕ You said you would do it if I asked you to!
/she points out, frustrated/
/sits up, hugging the pillow tighter and shaking her head/
I just can't, okay? I'm trying and I can't.
It's not that I don't want to, it's that I just can't do it.

@J. Jinsoul *Jason shakes his head slightly*
You have to try jinsoul.
Think of the cute outfits that you don't have to pay for.

*smiles a little*
It's ok if you get angry.
If it's the only way you can talk to me we will find a way to do it.

@S. Maia ⚕ /she shrugs and looks away from you again, looking down at the pillow in her lap/
Not particularly
/she mumbles, sighing as she looks up at Jason before shaking her head/
Can't you explain it to her? I don't think I can, I'm just going to get angry again.

@J. Jinsoul *nods a little and smiles*
And that's fine. It's good to I know how you feel about it.
So thank you for apologising to me.
*relaxes back*
Jason said you wanted to tell me why you wanted to see me

@B. Jason ♠ Neither? I think....
/she admits, shrugging a little bit and sighing/
I'm sorry because I don't have control of myself in moments like those, and it wasn't really about you at all so I'm sorry if you thought it was. But I'm not specifically sorry for what I did, and I know I'd do it again in the wrong mood.
I don't think you deserved it, but I know I would still do it again.

@J. Jinsoul Rubs your back gently*
*squeezes your hand.*

*lifts a hand to my neck touching the sore before laughs softly*
I've faced worse than that before jinsoul.
I don't blame you for lashing out at me, I probably should have taken more care.
*smiles softly*
Do you actually feel sorry or are you simply saying it because you think you should?

@B. Jason ♠ Are you still out because of me?
/she asks, managing to glance up at you as you walk in/
/looks at your neck for a moment before quickly looking away/
I'm... sorry about that, it wasn't personal, you know?
You just got unlucky

@J. Jinsoul *holds your hand and smiles softly* Your ok I promise.
*rubs your back with my other hand keeping you close*
I'm right here remember.

*comes back in and sits down smiling softly*
Take your time, I'm technically not back working yet.
You can take as much time as you need alright.

@B. Jason ♠ Okay
/she sighs, nodding her head and keeping it resting on your shoulder as she waits for Maia to come back into the room/
/tenses slightly when the door opens, and she reaches out to grab onto your hand, holding it tightly to keep herself grounded/

@J. Jinsoul It shouldnt but... it is easier for you.
We can work with that ok
*smiles a little and grabs my phone calling Maia to come back in*
Try and talk to her and if you cant talk to me ok.