❤ Confessions

Love is so complicated.
I wish you were here...
And for you..
I wish you were mine.
I am selfish.

it how nothing ever work out in my favor.

Maybe I should leave. I just don't belong here anymore.

@Master Jonghyun Someone else already healed me.

The damage is done.

....

I'm hating on myself much more than before.

@Puppy Nana i wish i wasn't so stupid.
i'm sorry sweetheart...

I'm so sad and unhappy..
I'm trying my best to be strong..
But I'm slowly crumbling

I'm a really bad boyfriend... husband.. person... sorry

@Puppy Say I care. Nana cares. Who else do you want to care?

No one cares.

@Kitty Key Well now it's ending. And with Say alive.

@Puppy Nana Who I chose is what started this, and it shouldn't matter to either of you. I've seen you talk about it all the time... please.
I want her help her too. But she's not willing to get help from me. There's nothing I can do to help my friend.

I'm just trying to help a friend out..

@Kitty Key It's not about who you choose Kibum! It's not!

This is me trying to help Say out! Because I've been there before, I've been in her shoes before and I know how dark and lonely and how hurt it feels! That you just want it to end. Everything.

But you're right, I can't help her If she can't help herself..

Stop fighting!! Say if you aren't going to try, don't make us pity you. Grow up and learn to solve your problems not run away from them. Nana, stop trying to help her, it's pointless if she won't help herself.
Why can't you both just let it go. So what if I chose one over the other? It's my life I can do what I want. If I want to love Nana, I will. I want to love Say I will. But I can't handle it if you both act this way!

@Puppy Say Basically in one word..


Coward.


Make it two.


Stupid.




I can't help the unwilling.

@Puppy Nana Basically all in one sentence,



I gave up.


I am not going to bother with your long lecturing.

@Puppy Say It's hit you too. But it's hit you in the wrong state of mind.
You can't try to love, it just happens.
I learned that...through Kibum...I said I wanted to try to love him..but I didn't try at all..I just fell for him.
Wanting isn't the same as needing.
You want love yes..but to need it, do you really need love from a man to be happy?
To just it all..
It's basically saying that you gave up. That Your life isn't precious and valuable enough.
To love..
It's basically showing that you really dont need it, because if you did.
You wouldn't want to end your life.
You'll continue to pursue love.
We all live and die, but there's a difference between living and being alive.

@Kitty Key I'm counting on your words Kibum.
I don't want to ever let you down, so please, don't ever let me down again.

I'm done with being alive. I'm done with trying to love. I'm done with wanting to be loved. f*** it.

@Puppy Nana I'll stay. I will. I'm done with being unfaithful. I'm here to stay with you forever now. I'm not leaving you for anyone anymore.

@Kitty Key I was ok with you trying. But to try is to not go around and do the opposite of what you are trying to accomplish and gain.
Like I said Kibum.
One for opportunity. I'm here.
When will you come into my arms and stay there?

@Puppy Nana Like you said, I need to let go of the past and part of that is letting go of Say. I'm half way there, all I need to do now is move on. And I'm staying with you now Jinah. I know I have you, but I thought you'd be okay with me trying... I love you so much Jinah. I just needed time to figure this out, now that I have, I think I'm okay. I'm not going to leave you anymore

@Kitty Key The only way you learn to be strong is on your own u can't help you with that. Kibum, I love you. But I refuse to stay by your side if you're always going to go back and go to the other woman in your life. I'm being betrayed, it's not right. I see that you struggle, but I'm Also here to carry the burdens for you. You aren't alone. You have me. Why isn't it enough? Why can't you see you have me? So why neglect me?

@Puppy Nana I... I don't know what I want. I want to be loved but... but I need to make you happy. I don't want to lose you anymore, please. I'l trying to let go, I really am. And with your help I know I'll be okay. I've been alone too long, I've always needed someone... Please. I've lived alone for too long, and experiencing this I needed more. I never knew this feeling, this feeling of wanting, needing, someone before. But now I can't let it go. I'm addicted to your love, I'm selfish. I'm... I'm not strong. I try, but I'm not. I need help. I need your help please.

@Kitty Key Kibum. The first thing you need to do is stop needing someone. Be strong on your own. You need to learn to be strong on your own just like I did. Remember how I was? Alone and traveling where ever I could and doing what I had to do to survive. You need to be strong like I was. On my own. I'm here for you Kibum, I'm here for you but you don't seem to want me. I want to be a shoulder for you to rest on and I want to hold you, but I can't do that. I'm acarid too, afraid that at the end I will never have all your love. The sweet romantic love.
You keep wanting more.
You are still being selfish.
That's what's you're doing wrong.
You aren't confident enough to know that youll be ok even though you have no one.
No. No. Kibum; you can't continue living in the past.
Lead your own life because this Kibum, this is what makes me sad. You need to stop thinking that without anyone you are nothing. I know Kibum, I understand you. You want to please everyone, but when will you start pleasing yourself? What do you want? What is right for you? Have you asked yourself those questions?

@Puppy Nana How..? How does one let go of the past? I've been trying all my life to do it... but I'm scared. I'm so scarred with everything I've done and... I'm afraid to let go. I keep making the same mistakes over and over, hoping for different results but... Jinah.. I want you to help me. Please. I need your help because.... I need your help because you're the only one I have then. And you're good at this, you're good at moving on and I'm not. I never meant to hurt you, it keeps happening, what am I doing wrong...? I can see your pain, I can feel it, I don't know how to stop it... I'm doing the opposite of what I mean to. I want to extinguish the fire but I'm feeding it. What do I do... what do I do? I need you...

@Kitty Key This is the problem Kibum. You live in the past too much. Jonghyun left me, ok, I cried and let it out and tried to move on. I once loved Tao, ok, I did what was best for both of us and moved on. That's why I'm not like you, because I don't let my past stop me from living my life right. I'm not picking on you. We are not children that go ahead and do these things on purpose. I'm trying to speak out my feelings and let you realize that you aren't being fair to either of us or yourself. How could you possibly say I hate you? I don't hate Jonghyun and he left me. I hate what he did, but I don't hate him. And I hate that you don't realize what you're doing and that you're hurting me, but I don't hate you. You are feeling pain, sadness and overhwelomh emotions, guess what, you are human. You need to stop living by your past and learn from it and become a better person for tomorrow. You aren't my Jonghyun, you aren't my Tao, but you are my Kibum...and I want the best for you, even though you are putting me through so much pain and agony, I still want what's right for you because that's what love is. Putting your lovers needs before your own. You can't do that. You can't see I'm in pain and try to stop it, you just add more gas to the fire letting me burn. You don't need to change, you just need to learn. I was willing to help you teach yourself, but I can't help those that are unwilling to let go from their past.