Hear Ye Hear Ye!

So some of you may have noticed my absence from rpr (or haven’t since I’m insignificant but meh) and tbh I totally didn’t mean to disappear. Tbh after what happened with my coadmins (who were also good friends to me) I kinda fell into a slump. I tried to push through it but then my rp started suffering and dying and it triggered my depression. So I started coming on here less and less but the real punch in the face that made it hard to come on here was seeing that a friend of mine whom I’ve known for almost 5 years now on this site, removed me as a friend despite my attempts to contact her to resolve our misunderstanding. So I figured she really didn’t want to be my friend anymore and that really really hurt me. Because tbh I still don’t know what I did to make her hate me so much. But anyway I digress. During this time I had also started seeing a whole new set of doctors, including a psychiatrist who perceived me a new set of medicine. After about a month now of trial and error I think we’ve finally found the right combo of meds for me cuz I’ve been doing a whole lot better and I’ve been feeling a whole lot better than I have in a very very long time. While adjusting to these new meds, I’ve unfortunately started to close myself off again. And that affected my rp life as well because I haven’t been on this site in what feels like forever.

I have no idea what’s happened to my rp’s and tbh I’m pretty sure they’re dead which hurts my heart so despite being stuck on mobile again, I’m gonna try and work on getting those rp’s back up and running. I also have some other rp’s I wanna bring out of drafts but I wanna get my rp muse back and get back in the swing of things before doing that. I’m looking for coadmins for those rp’s (especially my Ent AU rp, Adoption AU and Magic School AU rp) so if anybody is interested in being a coadmins for those PM me and we can talk.

And for those of you that were rping with me, friends with me, or were in any of my roleplays I’m sorry for failing you.

So I guess this was a bit of a life update orz. Tbh I’m still in the shelter which means still no open access to a computer. And since I’m near the airport the internet here and my phone signal is horrible. Having been here since June/July, you’d think we would have enough money saved by now. But the problem is that the food here is super expensive and we don’t have a fridge, or a way to cook so everything we want to eat or drink we have to buy. And even with eating one meal a day (and even skipping days) it still isn’t enough. And especially since my brother keeps getting arrested so we have to pay those expenses as well, we pretty much never have money. And now it’s getting colder (Winter Is Coming ftw #GoT) but I’ve gained so much weight I’m probably gonna need a brand new winter wardrobe that I can’t afford. And honestly I try not to show it around my mother but even with my new meds, it’s getting harder to keep pretending. I spend so much time trying to not break down and cry that I’m permanently nauseous and despite my social anxiety I’m trying to force myself to reapply for school literally just so I have a distraction. But just thinking about school sends me into a panic attack so I don’t think right now is the time for that. I need at least another month with these new meds before I can even think about attempting to go back to school but hopefully i’ll be able to start in the Spring.

Well this blogpost went on for way too long orz. Oh well. If you got this far, thanks for caring. If not, well I don’t blame you. Again if anybody is interested in being my coadmin let me know.