food for thought on turkey day

So I read earlier today about a stance The Girl Scouts of America took to warning parents during the holidays: "don't force your kids to hug their family members". It seemed like such a silly, vanilla-frappe way of teaching at first. I figured it was just another "special snowflake" parent seeking to find yet another means of making kids out to be these existential, deserving, reality-bending creatures.

But then I thought about it.

And I took it a little to heart and to my own experiences, and suddenly it didn't seem so stupid.

I was always taught the importance of physical contact as an exchange of something--- expression of love (kisses on the cheek) or gratitude (a warm embrace) or even in greeting (firm handshake or a close arm-loop around the shoulder). I'm a physical person by nature, so this never bothered me when I was younger. But I used to wonder if this was another case of nature vs. nurture--- was I born as someone who loved being close to people in a proximal level or was this something I inevitably learned.

Not that it's wrong to be a 'hugger'. Not that physical contact is bad, holy , no. But I found a rather odd truth that--- well... mostly applies to my family. When it comes to strangers, my folks are huge on preaching just how to address someone. What is and isn't appropriate in terms of touching. But all of that flies out of the window when it comes to family.

I remember MONTHS back when I made a post about not feeling the need to love your family members because sometimes, they truly are . Being blood related doesn't overshadow the way they regard or treat you. Your DNA isn't a precursor that obligates you into affection.

And yet, every year, I get introduced to new members of the family--- extended people from both sides, long-lost "cousins" that may or may not actually be related, people from my childhood that drift in and out like a revolving door. All people I may not really know or feel comfort in--- essentially strangers. And yet, just because my parents knew them or just because they're tied to my blood some dank limb or so down the line in my fam tree, I'm expected to frontal bear-hug them.

Church hugs don't exist at family gatherings. Polite nods of the head or gentle handshakes are considered cold or distant. At times like this, I think it's so very important to remind ourselves that even family can be strangers too. Even they carry secrets. That isn't to say that every distant relative is a pedo or some , but by the words of the Girl Scouts--- it's important to realize that your body is your own and you can show respect without putting yourself at unease. You can turn down the physicality without being disrespectful.

Now I know this can differ for everyone. Cultures are different. Experiences are different. Perspectives are different. At the end of the day, I swear I'm not saying that hugging a relative is bad or risky. I'm not saying that now we're all predisposed to being taken advantage of. I just find it a bit hypocritical that in a life raised around being cautious toward strangers on the streets, there isn't nearly as much care given towards how we are to treat strangers in our homes.

I don't know, maybe I'm letting my own personal get too into this. It isn't a big deal. This isn't something revolutionary. I just found it interesting... Took a little pause in this because, honestly, sometimes the most dangerous situations occur where you think you're safest. Creeps come in every shape or form, and there's nothing more confusing than someone you're told you're supposed to love coaxing you out of your judgement because "your mom wanted me to do this" or "we used to do this all the time, you were just too little to remember".

I don't know, wow this got long. e u e;;;

Stay absolutely precious, all of you.

Remember this--- a family isn't just made up of those who share your blood.

A family shares your secrets, your heart, your passions.

A family can consist of those you allowed in. All on your own.