I hope you're doing okay, angel

Let me start off by saying I'm sorry for nothing being active. I promise myself I wouldn't do this but I can't help it.

I woke up this morning with people flooding my inbox, asking me if I was alright. One person sent me a link to an article. It was 5:30 am and I was wondering what was so important that people were needing my attention. Looking at the preview, I scolded my friend for joking around like this. Though, more and more articles came to flood my feed. It started becoming a trending topic on all social media platforms. I was just in straight-up denial.

Jonghyun has been my idol and someone I always looked up to. He was someone courageous, smart, witty, etc. That man was everything and more. He stood up for people when no one else did. He loved his fans and did everything he could in his power to make them smile. People flamed him for supporting the LGBT community, yet he stood with them strongly and went under the fire just for social rights justice.  I was lucky enough to watch him grow and become the best man that he is today. Yes, I said, "is". Why? Just because his body has left us, it doesn't mean that he didn't leave his mark with us. So many people are posting. They're showing their support and sharing their love. He brought us all together. All the fandoms, fans, and individuals. 

I'm trying not to cry as I type this, but it's so hard when I've been bawling all day. But, I have to stay strong. He wouldn't want us grieving too much. At the end of the day, he's no longer suffering. He's been dealing with a lot of inner conflicts and it's been clear in his songwriting and books. I cannot even begin to fathom the struggles he went through to make him go to such lengths. He was one of the strongest people I've ever known. Despite his stubborn personality, he had good morals and stood for what he believed in. He was a wise man. His books and writings say it all. I would smile and fall asleep while listening to his songs or radio podcast. 

Whenever I was sad, I would watch their old videos and smile. Shinee has always been there for me. Even pre-debut. Jonghyun has always been there for me and I'm sure that he's been a source of serenity for some of you guys out there as well. To be honest, he pours his heart and soul into his writing, and I've never met such a hard working man before. He really is an emotional and passionate man. Anyone could tell with his music and his actions. 

He's crossed so many borders that no one else bothered to and took on such heavy burdens. Jonghyun is such a caring man. He loves his family and even donated his organs for others to use. Even if he's gone now, his spirit stays with us. He's been such an inspiration and thanks to him, he kept me going through the years. I love him with all my heart and beyond that. I just cannot believe something so terrible has happened to a wonderful person like him. I just hope he's doing well, wherever he is. I can't help but smile at all the support from fans and other idols. It's heartwarming, and he would appreciate it. I don't even want to think about what the other members of shinee have to say, nor his family. I saw the little pic of yoogeun crying cause he lost his "Jonghyun appa", and that broke my heart. But, look. We had so many posts and it became a world trending topic at #1. He brought a lot of us together and he impacted a lot more people than we thought. I couldn't help but try to avoid listening to his songs today, but I love his works too much to stay away. Honestly, he always brought me to tears with his voice. But, now it's for a different reason. God bless this man.