His note... (very sensitive)

Trans: Jonghyun's suicide note.

Dear Nine, who was close to Jonghyun, got permission from his family to post this. They are worried that this may not be the right time but it was Jonghyun’s final wish.

1. “I was broken inside. Ever so slowly the sadness ate at me until it finally swallowed me whole and I couldn’t beat it. I hated myself. I remember crying but getting no response.”

2. “Since I can’t breath, I would rather stop. I wonder who will be responsible for me. It’s only you. I was alone. It’s easy to end. It’s hard to finish. I was living with that difficulty.”

3. “I wanted to run away. Yes, it’s true. I wanted to run from myself. Stand up to you. I asked who it was and I said that it was me. I said it again. I said it again. Why couldn’t I just forget? My personality is to blame so it is my fault in the end.”

4. “I wanted to know the reason but no one else knew. I didn’t even know myself. I’m not even sure that I’ll know if someone said it to me. I questioned why I’m alive. Just... Just... Everyone just does.”

5. “I’m tired of asking why I’m not dead. I was troubled and worried. I couldn’t turn this boring pain into joy. Pain is just pain. I couldn’t do that and it hurt me. Why? Why couldn’t it leave my mind? I just wanted to find out why it hurt.”

6. “I know it now. I’m the reason why I’m like this. It was my fault and I couldn’t see it. Did you want to hear it? No. I didn’t do anything wrong. At the beginning, I thought that it was easier to blame myself. It’s a wonder that it hurt that much.”

7. “There are those whose had it tougher and are living better. Weaker people live better than I. No one has it as hard as me and no one is as weak as I am. I didn’t want to believe this. I was asked [to keep living] a hundred times. It wasn’t for me though. It was for you.”

8. “Please don’t pretend that you didn’t know. Why do you find it hard? I said it a few times. Why is it hard? Don’t you think it’ll get harder? More dramatic? Add more flesh to the story? I’ve said this.”

9. “Have you never been torn? It doesn’t just leave a scar behind. It wasn’t my job to take on the world. My life is one not known in this world. It’s so difficult. It hit me hard, it was hard to known. Why did you choose this?”

10. “It was funny. It’s amazing how I managed to reach up to this point. What else can I say? Please just tell me that I’ve worked hard– that I did a good job. That I went through so much.”

11. “Even if you can’t smile, please do not let me go with guilt. You did a good job. You worked hard. Farewell.”

- END -

Cr: @Kimtaem