An ode to you

This is another part of the critical blog post series, again sectioned into three parts. So feel free to skip a part you don't care about!
Warning: This is my personal opinion, as I have stated before, but I think some of the things I have discussed with people lately need to be "said" out loud.

Part 1: My take on love

I've sat down over the last couple of weeks and thought about love. This is mostly about romantic love, but I am going to touch the subject of family and friends too. Yes, I am even going to talk about the love we have for things that can not really considered be "love". 
I asked myself: Is there such a thing like "UNCONDITIONAL" love? And I guess there isn't. Not really. We love someone and we expect something from them, even if we are aware of it, or not. We fall in love with someone and a part of us always expects this person to love us back. It might not be completely concious and we are aware of the fact that we can not influence another person's feelings. But the thing is that we expect something to come out of this feeling that we consider love. 
We expect our pet to cuddle and not bite or scratch us, even though we still love them if they do. 
(ask me about it, my cat is the biggest, clingiest cuddler in the world but she tends to bite me sometimes out of nowhere. If she were a dog people would probably get really upset about that because, well, everybody kind of thinks cats are s anyway)

We love food or sleep or music, but those things DO something for us. They make us happy. 
So in the end, you can say that the love we have for THINGS is the same love we have for SOMEONE. We have feelings for that person and we kind of expect them to make us happy, to always listen to our (that might be about friend-love too, alright) and always be nice and happy with us because we kind of associate the feelings we have for them to always be positive. 
I think it doesn't work like that, though. It's a very slim line between LOVING someone and EXPECTING something from someone.

Of course it's natural to expect people to treat you like you treat them, but on the other hand it's different for everybody, right? 
Some people might say "I love you" a lot, but someone else might ask you if you've eaten already, if you slept well. Please drive safely, don't forget to drink enough water! Those things are displays of love too because while it might be easy for you to say "I love you", someone else might not be into saying those words, or might have a hard time saying them. 

But don't we expect too much, these days? 
We want friendships like we see on television, romantic relationships as seen in those movies everybody hates but secretly watches every now and then. 
People have this twisted view on love that has them raising the bar way too high. The person you love probably won't show up at your door in the middle of the night every time you cry. Your friend might not support everything you do - and your friends are not obligated to support every ty decision make or ed up behaviour you display. A person who loves you is not obligated to let you walk all over them. They have the right to tell you if you disappoint them, or if they have a different opinion. This goes both ways, that's not even a question. 
But common sense is something that should tell you that if you love someone, you should respect them enough, to not expect something back all the time. 
Give something back on your own accord, receive the things someone does for you with enough words of thanks and appreciation to not make someone feel as if they're just giving and giving and giving. 
Don't expect your parents to always shower you with gifts for your birthday or any other occation. 
Don't expect your s/o to always be in the mood to listen to you talk about something they're not interested in - they might have had a hard day. 
Take your time to tell your mom and dad and siblings you love them, even if they make you angry as sometimes. 
Tell your friends you're thankful they listen to your all the time, thank them for being there for you. Say "I love you" but accept that someone might not say it back. Listen to the "are you ok"s, the "did you eat yet?"s and all the other things that show someone cares about you. 
Stop expecting love to be perfect. 

And maybe love can be unconditional some day. 
(You know what's unconditional love? My cat waiting for me to come home and sitting behind the apartment door, immediately jumping into my arms as soon as I bend down to pick her up. Or her lying on my arms when I'm trying to type out a blog post because she wants to cuddle me. That's love, everybody. Unconditional. Don't tell me she only loves me because I'm the one who feeds her, alright)

Part 2: Society is the problem - or is it? 

This part is about the behaviour of people regarding the subjects of genders and ualities. 
I had a very interesting conversation about this a couple of days ago and I actually went and talked to more people about it to get more opinions. 
Why do men get offended by gays? Yes, that's an actual question. Why are men offended and disgusted because of this? 
But wait, there is more to this, keep on reading. 

I've seen grown men flinch away from a friendly side hug from another man because "uh, please don't touch me like this, it feels as if you're trying to get into my pants". They can't compliment each other because "dude, that's pretty gay". They freak out at the thought of having to share a bed with another man, but they shower in the gym or after soccer practice with ten other men all the time. (I'm confused too, don't worry)
It's as if it's hammered into their brains that every man who's gay wants to them, just because they say "you're handsome" or - worst case - because they were friends for years before the other came out of the closet. They don't seem to understand that this person is still the same person! 
A friend of mine - who I consider to be the epitome of society's "man" - grew up in a very rural area with parents who were born in small towns, raised in small towns and so on and so on. Pretty relaxed family though, don't get me wrong. But his little brother was very obviously gay. Very flamboyantly gay to be honest. Everybody knew he was gay probably before he knew it himself. But he was so scared to come out to his family that he told me he likes other boys and has a boyfriend now, when he was so drunk he could bare look at my face without going cross-eyed. He was scared less of his brothers, because he expected them to beat him up or never talk to him again. What happened, you might ask. Nothing. He told them, everybody just shrugged and went on with their lives. 
They don't treat him differently. At all. And now he married his boyfriend and even my friend the "society cookie cutter man" cried during the wedding. 
There you go. That's how it is supposed to be. 

But it's not. 
It is NOT. And I can't understand why. 
Girls grow up, behaving so differently - at least that's how it feels to me. I've rarely met a girl who goes like "ewww lesbians" while I've heard boys say "" on a daily basis. On the other hand, they like watching two girls kiss and have . (If you don't believe me, ask the industry)
But isn't that the very definition of having double standards? So it's ok for two girls to kiss and each other on the couch of your party, but GOD FORBID two boys are holding hands to not get lost in the crowd? Well, damn, boi.
Girls are so much more free in their exploration while growing up, aren't they? Almost every girl I know has kissed another girl at least once in their lives. 
We sit on each other's laps if  there aren't enough chairs. We hold each others hands just because we can while going shopping. We sleep in the same bed, sometimes even shower together or share a bathtub because why the not? Can you zip up my dress for me, I'm underneath and I can't do it myself, please? Sure thing. Please come to the bathroom with me and help me not to fall into the toilet I'm drunk? Sure thing. 
Can I sleep at your house tonight and can we just share a blanket and talk as if we're still fourteen and giggling about boys? Of course we can! 
Boys get panic attacks at the THOUGHT of sleeping in the same bed. "That's so gay". Well, Sir, someone on Twitter said it and you should listen:
If sleeping next to another boy makes you think about , you probably thought about that before, sorry. 

Why is it like that? 
Is it someone that the modern society has hammered into those men's heads? You have to be MANLY, don't be a .
"Dude I can't wear BB cream that's for girls, that's gay" 
Seriously? Shut up and sit yourself down and think about this. 
Do they think accepting homouality as something that is normal and maybe stepping away from the thought of "that's gay" as something negative, will make them less of a man? Because it's quite the opposite, if you ask me. A man, who says he's straight and has a gay friend without freaking out about it, now that's a MAN. A grown up, mature, attractive man. Someone who accepts others and can accept himself too. 
And I don't know if society is the problem. I just want the world to grow so sons and daughters don't have to fear for their homes, lives and friends just because they love who they love. We say we are so advanced and at the peak of humanity and awareness, but we still get murdered and cast out and shunted because people have double standards. Lesbians in, gays out. Hell yeah, please don't talk to me ever again. 

If someone - ANYONE - can explain to me why it is like that...? Please tell me. I am so confused by this, I swear. 


Part 3: The pressure of creating 

I think this section goes hand in hand with my blog post about suicide awareness and the world we live in. Because I had so much more to say, but it didn't fit the topic, so here we go again. 

We are turning outselves into copies, robots and photographs. 

Kell, what do you mean, you might ask. Alright, kiddo, here we go:

My roommate asked me yesterday: "What am I doing with my life?" 
We were talking about an upcoming wedding he wants me to accompany him to and then he realized, he's in his late twenties - and single. 
And BOOM it went and in came the self-doubt and anxiety like party poopers. I was able to SEE it in his face that he was doubting his life so much just because he was comparing himself to other people and I said: "Well, you're creating your own path." 
He looked at me, completely confused. So I went on and I think A LOT OF YOU GUYS NEED TO HEAR THIS TOO: 

"Life is not a movie. It's a book that is written by you and nobody else. You're walking down your own street, that crosses other roads, but you choose to stay on your own. You're not a failure just because you're turning 30 in a couple of years and you're single and live with a crazy roommate and a cat. You're not a failure just because you don't dive a big fat Mercedes and have your own house. You're creating YOURSELF FOR YOURSELF. You didn't go to College, but you have a stable job, a stable income and you have friends and family who love you, girlfriend or not. Big fat Mercedes or not. Comparing yourself to others will make you sick. It will make you focus on the things THEY want instead of the things YOU want." 

And here's my point: I lost my job. I am going through a hard time. My best friend is married and is pregnant with her first child. I'm not. 
So what? Does that mean I have to put myself down because of this? No. Of course not. I am living my own life and while I AM HAPPY for the people around me, who choose different things and make different decisions: I AM NOT THEM.

You are not the girl on instagram everybody is nutting over? So? Your parents created you, the universe created you to be YOU. 
YOU ARE UNIQUE. THERE IS NOT A SINGLE PERSON ON THIS PLANET WHO LIVES THE EXACT SAME LIFE!!!!
And that's important! No two roses are the same - do you hate them for it? Do you hate a flower because it chose to have a different shape or color than the others? Isn't a garden, filled with many colors and shapes so much more beautiful than a garden where everything looks the same? 

You didn't go to law school - that. 
You didn't get the job your parents wanted for you - that. 
You have a hobby your friends don't get - that. 

YOU ARE YOU AND NOBODY HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL YOU TO BE SOMEONE ELSE!!

Stop trying to be the girl on instagram and be yourself. 
Stop trying to be the hot, bearded model with the abs and be yourself. 
Stop trying to copy other peoples writing styles and create one of your own. 

WE ARE NOT COPIES, WE SHOULD NOT TRY TO BE COPIES. 

Have a role model, alright. But don't try to be them. Try to surpass them. Try to create a version of yourself YOU are proud of. The world doesn't matter. 
The expectations of others don't matter. It's your own life and this pressure we are putting on ourselves is not creating diamonds. It's creating shards and broken mirrors. 

Be yourself. Because a rainbow strikes more awe in the hearts of people, than just a simple, blue sky.