Anxiety. [Amber Liu x Nicole Jung]

Ah ha... So... To put it simply, I wrote this for one of my close friends. No, it...wasn't exactly out of the blue. Yes, it's sort of based on my other Amber fics (that same universe). Yes, it also is related to my twitter rp as Amber. I don't know what else to say now about it. It's my first girl x girl / yuri in like forever but I feel sort of proud of it and I'm actually glad my friend liked it as much as she did because it was sort of like a surprise for her. Yes, she's the Nicole to my Amber. She's honestly a very dear friend and she's just wonderful.

I need to stop writing based off my life, even if it is just rp but where else would I draw my inspiration from as a hermit...?

I came across blackbear's Anxiety (ft. FRND). I was reminded a lot of my twitter rp life and I just...thankfully, didn't breakdown completely. Certain songs still trigger certain things, especially things I wasn't even aware of before but that's not important here.

I just wanted to share the gift I wrote for my close friend. I hope that you enjoy it as well. (There's a whole universe I've made a mess of. fml)

***

The counter feels cold. Colder than usual. She sits up for a brief moment to comb her fingers through her hair but she ends up resting her face on the countertop once more. Her eyes are open for a brief moment, catching sight of an empty liquor bottle which she has to resist shoving onto the floor, namely just to hear it shatter. There isn’t any better reason for her wanting to push it. Maybe it’ll relieve some stress. Maybe the sound will echo and drown out the sounds of her own thoughts.

Maybe the shattering will be louder than the shattering of her own heart.

The most irritating thing about how she feels at the moment is that it’s far from the first time she’s felt it and it’s far from the first time she’s felt it all because of the person that caused it. She feels insane, to say the least. She always feels insane. She lives a life like something out of a book or a movie and the fact that she’s not dead... She’s yet to decide if that’s a blessing or a curse because some days, like today, she wishes she weren’t alive. Thoughts like that linger in the dark corners of her mind, haunting her when her guard is down but, for the most part, she’s okay with being alive. That’s all. She’s okay with it. It’s so much work being alive but it’s better than being dead, isn’t it?

Her skin feels like it’s itching even though she knows it’s not. It’s that anxiety kind of itch that causes all of her emotions to bubble right at the surface of her skin and make her feel like if she scratches deep enough, she bleed out everything and will feel fine. It sounds too good to be true and she knows for a fact that it is. If it were that easy, the scars that she had on her arms would have been from her actually feeling relieved instead of her just trying to end her life.

Would it even matter if she did?

She feels like everyone’s toy. Mostly anyway. Some days, it feels like people care, others she feels like she’s just more aware of the fact that no one actually cares. Her presence doesn’t make a difference. All she’s good for is a kill. Doing the dirty work that no one else wants to do or can’t do. She’s capable, quiet, and quick. You have the money then she’ll most likely do it. She has a some form of a conscious so she doesn’t just go out and blindly kill. It has to be for a good reason with a good pay. It weighs better on her conscious if there’s some sort of balance that isn’t imaginary.

It burns. Everything burns.

Might be the alcohol but, for the most part, she knows that it’s her thoughts. She’s beginning to drown in them some more.

She moves to get off her stool, wanting to go grab another bottle from her cabinets but, before she can, she’s made contact with the floor and it hurts like hell. She’s pretty sure that she was already sore before, which it why it hurts even more now, but, then again, her whole body just hurts in general and the collision with the hardwood floor just added on to the pain.
Her phone rings somewhere distant. At least it sounds distant. It also sounds like a ringtone she recognizes. That’s what actually forced her to pull herself up from the floor. Head spinning, she finds herself stumbling around like some sort of ghost, as if she doesn’t even know her own apartment.

Thankfully, she finds her phone and gets to it in time to answer it. Well, either that or the person just called again and she managed to pick it up that time. Either way, she’s crashing onto her bed as she mumbles out an answer.

“You sound awful. Are you okay?”

It’s Nicole’s voice. Nice to hear a voice she hasn’t heard in a while. Really. The only other voice she likes to hear more than Nicole’s is Soryong’s but she doesn’t have a clue where he is or what he’s doing and she knows that she can’t get a hold of him. She’s tried. She doesn’t call Nicole often though because she knows she’s always busy so it’s nice to hear from her, nice to know that she’s thinking of her.

“I’m alive. That counts for something, right?”

There isn’t an immediate answer but she can pretty much see the soft smile that reaches her friend’s lips and how it reflects in her eyes.

“Yeah. It’s definitely a good thing that you’re alive. I’d be heartbroken otherwise, you know?”

“At least someone would care.”

There’s silence again and she’s apologetic for even making the comment because she’s down on her own. She’s not trying to ruin anyone else’s mood.

“I get the sense that you’ve been drinking.”

It’s clear that Nicole has ignored the comment and she’s beyond glad that she did because she wasn’t in the mood to try and explain herself, although she doubted she would really need to explain a comment like that but so much. Nicole’s a smart girl after all.

“I have. I should...I shouldn’t be drinking so much but I need it.”

“I was going to invite you for drinks because I need it, too.”

“What’s the matter?”

She’s feeling a little more sober now as she waits to hear an answer. She doesn’t get one. She swears that she can hear sniffling from the other end but she isn’t quite sure if it’s real or if she’s hearing things because she’s quite wacked out of her mind.

“Why don’t you come over to me place then,” she offers, situating herself on the bed so that she’s speaking a bit more clearly, “I look terrible and probably reek of alcohol but I can still promise you a good time and I’ll do my best to cheer you up.”

“I’ll be over soon. I’ll see you soon, llama buddy.”

“I’ve always got you, kitty buddy.”

With that, they’re both hanging up and she finds herself flopping back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. She suddenly realizes that she tastes blood on her tongue and sits up, heading into the bathroom. A busted lip. With a sigh, she cleans off and goes to check the floor for blood. The night’s just beginning and she has a feeling that won’t be the last time she greets the floor.

Thankfully, the next time that she greets the floor, it’s not face first and she’s got herself tangled up in a buzzed Nicole. The two of them have their bodies pressed closely together as their lips dance together as well. Nicole is under Amber and their movements are slow, precise, and easy. Despite the fact that they’ve actually never done anything like this with each other before, it feels like it’s routine, as if they already know where to touch and how.

Nicole bites her lip and she grins. Her lips was already torn by the floor from earlier but she doesn’t mind the taste of iron on the back of her tongue this time. Her taste buds are already too numbed by alcohol anyway so it’s not as prominent a taste as it really could be.

Her hips press into Nicole’s and she can’t deny that she really likes the sounds she gets from her close friend. She stares down at the woman under her, doing her best not to think about how they both got to this point and so she leans in for another kiss, distracting herself and hopefully distracting any and all of Nicole’s thoughts, too.

She takes her friend’s hands, pinning them above her head by holding down her wrists against the floor. Her free hand traces along Nicole’s bare side. Even though there’s still a chill in the air, Nicole showed up in workout gear. The only thing is that, admittedly, Amber is surprised that she didn’t find her drunken self jumping her sooner. Any less clothing under her friend’s coat and she would have sworn that Nicole prepared for this.

Soon, she finds herself on her back, looking up at the other as she strips off her sports bra, tossing it somewhere. From the corner of her eye, Amber catches it landing on the back of the couch. Nicole doesn’t let her look away for too long as she leans in for another kiss, apparently not minding the hint of blood she gets from biting Amber’s lip again. Amber’s kind of numb to the pain at this point as her hands now come up from Nicole’s thighs to cup her friend’s s instead, happily squeezing at the warm flesh as she also tugs and pinches at her s.

Now, she’s been with girls before but she can’t deny that there’s something different in the way Nicole moves her hips. Maybe it’s because her friend works out and has a freaking hot core to sport for it, or maybe it’s just something she’s naturally good at. Either way, she doesn’t care. The feeling undeniably turns her on even more and she gives in, letting herself actually release a noise. She thinks it’s her first but she’s got enough alcohol in her system to work like ear plugs. She’s hearing each and every sound Nicole makes but, for some reason, she’s got her own blocked out. She wants to focus on Nicole though. She’s not too drunk to remember that she promised her best friend a good time, wanting to help her forget everything.

Amber wants to forget everything, too.

At some point, they’re off the floor, two more empty bottles joining the choir that now sit on the bar counter of the kitchen. Nicole’s still topless but she’s also got Amber’s fingers down the spandex dressing her legs and she doesn’t have to say anything. Amber can clearly feel just how wet she is and, now, she’s definitely questioning if her friend planned this or not because she swears there are no sign of underwear.

Amber moves onto her knees onto the floor, quickly tugging off the spandex and tossing them aside. Neither of them have a clue where the item goes but Amber wouldn’t see it anyway, her lips immediately finding Nicole’s core and teasingly. Nicole may have spotted the fabric from her peripheral but her eyes are soon closed anyway thanks to Amber. Her fingers slip into the short bleached locks and she grips at them a bit, Amber into her before her grow harder and her tongue is joining the party. Only using , she ends up working her friend close to an , Nicole trying to fight it but Amber doesn’t let her. The grip in her hair grows tighter before she’s welcoming a warm and sweet taste on her tongue, grinning because Nicole’s definitely got a taste that she can get used to. That’s a bit dangerous.

Nicole forces her away after some time and Amber doesn’t hesitate to lead her to her bedroom, figuring now would probably be a good time to be a proper host before their drunken selves end up hurt by trying to have fun in the living room or on the balcony. She barely has a chance to get her thoughts back on track before she feels her back meeting her mattress. Her clothes come off with her laughing under the moving fabric of her shirt and then she’s pulling Nicole down into a kiss, giving her no opportunity to really touch her as she began rubbing over her friend’s heat. She grins into their kiss at noise of surprise Nicole lets out before she’s letting out one of her own when she feels the same being done to her. Her free hand grips lightly at Nicole’s hair, keeping their lips together as both of their hands and hips move unknowingly in sync.

Amber cooperates, moving onto her knees for the other and letting her upper body rest against the bed. She always finds this position awkward for reasons she isn’t even sure of but the thought leaves her mind as Nicole’s fingers push into her. She grips at the sheets, body instinctively clenching around the digits, her thighs quivering as said fingers begin to move. Nicole moves slowly and, in a way, she kind of has to because of how tightly Amber’s walls are locked onto her. She situates herself more to the side a bit, leaning in and stealing her friend’s lips, to which Amber eagerly responds until she can’t anymore. The quickening pace makes her abdomen tighten in a delicious way. Her back curving as one of her hands cups one of her own s, hips beginning to move back to meet the fingers still buried deeply inside her. Her hips stall for a moment as another fingers is added, going dry as she mewls lowly and brokenly from the back of . Clearly, Nicole is pleased by the noise as she lets out one of her own, thumb beginning to rub over her friend’s and she can feel those slick walls tightening again, growing wetter around her. She can feel how close Amber is and she pressed her chest to the other’s back, her free hand teasing Amber’s other as she keeps up the pace of her fingers. The short-haired woman under her shifts a little, legs spreading some and Nicole doesn’t miss the almost inaudible warning that she’s about to release, which causes her to put in muscle and pull the right out.

Nicole’s fingers, still coated, as slowly pulled out and Amber moves to flop on her back, muscles tingling and blood humming in her veins but she’s far from ready to tap out just yet.

She tugs Nicole to her, guiding her friend to a simple scissors position, lifting her hips and immediately helping the other catch on. Well, if she hadn’t already. Their hips move in sync so easily, Nicole taking on more of the force as she gets the hang of it. Amber’s body is still sensitive from her release just moments ago and she finds it hard to keep much control of her noises let alone the way her hips start moving on their own, her body pretty obviously begging for another release.

She ends up ing first, her fingers pressing a bit into Nicole’s thighs as she tries to clear away the stars, a laugh spilling from her lips out of embarrassment. She doesn’t stop moving her hips though, helping Nicole as well, the latter not at all that far behind.

They stay wrapped up in each other, hands lazily roaming each other as their once alcohol-clouded minds clear a bit from the haze. They’re smiling at each other and few soft, lazy kisses are shared as they keep pressed closely to one another. Neither of them say anything for the time being but just happily hold one another instead. With the smell of and lust still pretty thick in the air, there’s a chance there are more rounds and more alcohol before the sun comes up.

---

When Nicole wakes, she’s and alone in the sheets, a new set since the ones they were playing on had clearly been cleared away. She doesn’t remember immediately but she eventually recalls Amber putting the others in the machine to wash while they showered. As she looks over at the little window in the room, she notices the sky is golden and it’s clear that it’s somewhere around late afternoon or early evening since hues of red and purple dance in the sky as well as the sun sets. She sits up and stretches, shamelessly going through Amber’s drawers and closet to find something to put on and settles for one of the baggier tee shirts her friend owns and hoping it’s okay if she borrows a pair of underwear from a set that’s clearly yet to be opened. She doesn’t bother with a bra, not even sure where her sports bra went but she doesn’t think of anything else as she goes to find Amber.

Fingers ruffling her hair, she pads out to the living room with bare feet, the smell of a light rain in the air mixing with whatever’s cooking in the kitchen. The floor has a chill to it and she notices the balcony door is pulled back and the person she’s been looking for is standing there, just looking out at the view. She doesn’t bother finding slippers, just thankful that the balcony isn’t really wet, at least where she stands in the doorway, head resting against the edge of the framing.

“I would’ve felt better waking up to your face, you know?”

Amber looks over her shoulder, seemingly startled before her features relax. She smiles and wraps her arms around Nicole’s waist, walking her backwards back into the apartment.

“Well, hello to you, too. I’m sorry. I’ve just been up for a while,” she finally replies, closing the balcony door but leaving it cracked so that the smell of the soft rain that fell at dawn can continue to fill the apartment.

“You still don’t look your best. You sound better though,” Nicole comments, hands cupping her friend’s face as the other still has her arms around her waist.

Amber pouts playfully and just kisses Nicole’s cheek, “I can thank you for helping me clear my mind though. I just---”

“Have a lot on your mind? And I feel like I know who it’s about even if you don’t say anything,” Nicole comments, tone solemn but gentle and loving, “I won’t say who it is.”

She smiles and hums in reply, everything about her expression saying that she’s speechless but she’s grateful.

“I’m feeling better, too, so that’s something you can check off your list.”

“Are you really? You’re not just saying that to try and cheer me up, are you?”

Nicole laughs and shakes her head, “Not at all. I just needed the company of my llama buddy. And, whether it fortunate or unfortunate that I’m single now, I get to steal some of your time either way.”

“I don’t think it’s considered stealing if I’m giving it to you,” Amber grins and holds Nicole tighter, “But I’m all yours to bug and cling to and ask to go out shopping or go exercise with. I’ve got time to spare and who better to hand it to than you?”

“I’m sure you’ve got a list but I’d better be pretty high up on that list or you’ll really see me cry,” Nicole tries to keep a straight face but a laugh escapes her anyway.

“Feisty. Very feisty, but I have no problem with you putting me in my place,” Amber grins and releases her waist but only to take her hand and tug her to the kitchen.

Mixing with the smells of hangover soup, a early dawn rain, and a freshly squeezed citrus drink, the kitchen is soon filled with laughter and the absence of the anxiety from the night before.

***

I'm open to writing requests if anyone wants to leave me one. Even of my whole Gotham AU. If you want to see more of those characters (since I do have a whole universe), I'm actually open to sharing. Thank you for reading. ♡