He makes me smile. No matter what I'm going through, he's always been there to make sure I'm okay, to make sure that a smile is on my face. But sometimes, my smile is fake. Sometimes he can call me out on my bull , other times...he merely nods his head and plays along.
He never fails to make me laugh, always saying something goofy or cracking a joke...but half the time it's forced. Half the time he doesn't realize that my laughing isn't because I'm truly amused, that in reality it's because I know if I don't laugh he'll notice something is wrong.
He makes me feel complete, like I've found that missing puzzle piece I've been looking for. Its horrible being away from him...yet I feel like I'm more alone now than ever.
Four years, a full learning course for both of us, spending time with someone that I'm so in love with that it hurts...and I feel like he doesn't even know me. I feel like I don't know him. I'm supposed to be happy, I'm supposed to be planning my life with him, but instead I find myself planning it without him because he doesn't tell me that I'm in his future. He doesn't make plans with me, he doesn't tell me I'm in his goals, he doesn't make me feel assured that I'll even be with him next year let alone next month. He says he's scared to loose me...yet acts like he doesn't have a care in the world.
When will the madness stop? When will I finally be able to breathe again? When will I stop hurting and allowing myself to be hurt?
Why must I feel so...empty.
(Please don't comment, I'm only putting this here to get this off my chest. I don't want sympathy or advice on what I should do.)
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