I haven't posted here in forever...and it's usually because I'm unmotivated. I have no motivation. I feel so lonely in real life, but my muse to write has diminished completely. I have a fanfic with over 160 subbers and I still didn't update it. I never get comments unless I ask in the Authour Notes but even then I never get feedback on anything I write. Like how am I supposed to know if people are enjoying my work or not? Or at least upvote it so I know if you guys are satisfied. Nothing. Kinda why I barely have the desire to write when I know people won't ever comment on it while I watch other people write ty Mary Sue/you x ___ bull that has horrible grammar and overuse the same plots over and over again - and they get 1000 subs, tons of comments and attention. I seriously don't get it. That all my life I'm trying hard to be recognized but I'm literally just in the shadows. I actually finally felt a little happy that I got recognized for my excellent grades when my uni sent a letter saying I got placed on the Dean's Honour Roll. Like wow, me?
Another thing too:
I stopped wanting to plot with people or join RP's anymore. I am currently only in one and most people who did a PM rp with me never replied and stopped them with me. In rp's I'm always ignored like I'm literally nothing, even if I try initiating convos and plots with others. They often just talk to their lover and whatever better people. Y'all, I know this is RP but seriously now? I have anxiety and depression in real life and how people treat me in a fake world that serves as an escape for my fantasies triggers me so damn much. RP actually even caused me to become severely suicidal even. I got triggered so much I can't even explain it.
I don't even want to talk about crack rps where everyone is replying too fast and my replies always get overlooked and I still get ignored. Another pet peeve is when my muse has a relationship with someone in a rp and they just leave him or her hanging or they become too engrossed in their real life to reply anymore.
I understand everyone has a real life. I go to university and I work as well. My courses are intensive because I study psychology and it's quite research-oriented. Yet I ALWAYS have enough free time to go see if I have replies, and if I am not in the mood then I reply once I can. But I don't take weeks just to reply someone and I often tell someone if I will be busy or I apologize if I haven't replied in a while.
Why do I always have to put in so much effort into being considerate for everyone while others don't give a flipping about me?
I lost all desire to be here anymore and I don't know if I should even keep my account at this rate because being here isn't productive nor does it help me mentally either. I clearly am not important to any one of you and nor will I ever be.
I'm sorry I'm not a valuable RP partner nor worth your time and writing, so I might take my leave soon.
Take care, thank you for the memories.
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