Thinking of just leaving this place already...

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AuthorKREASUS
Created
Status [M]

I haven't posted here in forever...and it's usually because I'm unmotivated. I have no motivation. I feel so lonely in real life, but my muse to write has diminished completely. I have a fanfic with over 160 subbers and I still didn't update it. I never get comments unless I ask in the Authour Notes but even then I never get feedback on anything I write. Like how am I supposed to know if people are enjoying my work or not? Or at least upvote it so I know if you guys are satisfied. Nothing. Kinda why I barely have the desire to write when I know people won't ever comment on it while I watch other people write ty Mary Sue/you x ___ bull that has horrible grammar and overuse the same plots over and over again - and they get 1000 subs, tons of comments and attention. I seriously don't get it. That all my life I'm trying hard to be recognized but I'm literally just in the shadows. I actually finally felt a little happy that I got recognized for my excellent grades when my uni sent a letter saying I got placed on the Dean's Honour Roll. Like wow, me?

 

Another thing too:

 

I stopped wanting to plot with people or join RP's anymore. I am currently only in one and most people who did a PM rp with me never replied and stopped them with me. In rp's I'm always ignored like I'm literally nothing, even if I try initiating convos and plots with others. They often just talk to their lover and whatever better people. Y'all, I know this is RP but seriously now? I have anxiety and depression in real life and how people treat me in a fake world that serves as an escape for my fantasies triggers me so damn much. RP actually even caused me to become severely suicidal even. I got triggered so much I can't even explain it.

I don't even want to talk about crack rps where everyone is replying too fast and my replies always get overlooked and I still get ignored. Another pet peeve is when my muse has a relationship with someone in a rp and they just leave him or her hanging or they become too engrossed in their real life to reply anymore.

I understand everyone has a real life. I go to university and I work as well. My courses are intensive because I study psychology and it's quite research-oriented. Yet I ALWAYS have enough free time to go see if I have replies, and if I am not in the mood then I reply once I can. But I don't take weeks just to reply someone and I often tell someone if I will be busy or I apologize if I haven't replied in a while.

Why do I always have to put in so much effort into being considerate for everyone while others don't give a flipping about me?

I lost all desire to be here anymore and I don't know if I should even keep my account at this rate because being here isn't productive nor does it help me mentally either. I clearly am not important to any one of you and nor will I ever be.

I'm sorry I'm not a valuable RP partner nor worth your time and writing, so I might take my leave soon.

 

Take care, thank you for the memories. 

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maddiee 6 years ago
I just wanted to tell you I love rping with you, you're amazing really, but I do understand if this place is no longer somewhere you enjoy being, if you really want to leave! I'm sorry again for disappearing that one time, I guess it was just like you said, got so engrossed in real life it got hard to come here, still I could've found some time and didn't, so I'm sorry. Still I felt like I should tell you that if you need to talk, I'm here, you can talk to me okay? I'll miss you, and I'll miss you character and our rp if you do go, you're not bad at all at rping, nor writing, I really like your style, and you as well ^^ I hope everything gets better, and good luck~
StupidMe 6 years ago
When I have the same sentiments as yours and can't blame you for losing your muse because it's really frustrating when you are taking your time to reply and be responsible with your plot only to wait for days or weeks for a reply. It will really drain your muse. When I comeback after an hiatus I just make them wait for hours even it is a para but now since my muse meter is lowering down it takes me days to give them a reply (still depending on my mood and muse) and who knows I may disappear again one day.
Eryn13 6 years ago
Hey sweetie. I just wanted you to k ow I still enjoyed rping with you. And I understand everything going on in your life. Plus sometimes it can be hard to be motivated and all. But I still follow your Instagram and if you want to talk just know I'm here. I've been having trouble updating my fanfics too so just get that you're not alone and people understand. I am sorry you no longer enjoy rping but that happens. People come and go. But if you need me, just know I'm here
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