IC/OOC Bleedover
(& Tips on Handling It)
Have you ever cried at a sad part in a movie? Felt elated or excited at a particularly dramatic, triumphant part? Felt scared to go to bed at night after something scary? Gotten a little...ahem... 'frisky' watching or reading a steamy scene?
Stories are meant to evoke emotions. By and large, that's how you tell whether it's a good story: by how it affects you and engages you, emotionally. Roleplay stories are no different. We are playing well-rounded characters with depth, fears, and passions. We involve them in complex, dramatic stories. We live vicariously, to various degrees. It is both to be expected, and completely healthy, that sometimes we feel real-life emotions due to in-game developments and events. That we are so much into our character's heads that we not only know what they think but feel how they feel. This blurring of emotional lines between what the character feels, IC, and what you the player feel, OOC, is what is referred to as bleedover (or sometimes just 'bleed').
IC/OOC Division, and Bleedover
It is essential in roleplay to understand that IC (in character) is not OOC (out of character) and vice versa. You aren't your character. Your character isn't you. If someone thinks your character is an , that doesn't mean they don't like you. If your character is in love with another character, it doesn't mean you are in love with that character (or that character's player). The wall there, that understanding that IC is not OOC, is vital to have.
That isn't to say that everyone who has bleedover from IC to OOC (or vice versa) is a bad roleplayer. Bleedover is going to happen if you're invested in your character and the stories they're involved in. It doesn't mean that you can't tell the difference between fantasy and reality. You can feel angry over what's happened to (or is happening to) your character, and still recognize that the feeling is, itself, bleedover. Bleedover and IC/OOC separation aren't mutually exclusive. In fact, in OP's personal opinion, the best roleplayers have both: bleedover and IC/OOC separation.
The lack of IC/OOC separation becomes a problem when people project their real-life feelings onto their character (or other people's characters), or when they allow their character's feelings to change how they behave in real life.
For example:
Imagine that you think that homouality is wrong (OOC), but you play a character who is ambivalent about the issue with no strong feelings either way. You meet a character, IC, who is a gay man. If you lecture the gay male character on how homouality is immoral, you're failing to separate your IC and OOC. You feel that way; your character doesn't care. Or, vice versa, perhaps you strongly feel that homouality is perfectly fine (OOC), and you meet a character who is homophobic. Because the character holds views that you as a person don't agree with, you become hostile or unfriendly towards the other character's player. That's a failure to separate OOC/IC.
Another example:
Your character is dating Character A, in the game. If you become possessive or jealous of the player and begin feeling jealous or giving them a hard time about playing with other people, that's a vast OOC/IC failure. The fact that your characters are involved, doesn't mean that you, the players, are. The same thing applies to 'negative' feelings as well. Your character and another character might hate each other! But when you hate the person behind the keyboard, just because they're mean to your character... that's an OOC/IC failure. That's you not being able to tell where fantasy ends and reality begins.
Bleedover, on the other hand, is when you feel things OOC due to IC circumstances... but you recognize that these feelings are not your feelings and that they are a byproduct of roleplay. That they are temporary, unrelated to real life, and will fade away.
Is there a 100% fool-proof way to tell the difference between "I'm upset, and that's because I'm not separating their OOC/IC very well" versus "I'm upset, and it's bleedover from RP"? Unfortunately, no. It's something that comes with experience, practice, and maturity as a roleplayer. And even the most experienced roleplayers will sometimes simply honestly say, "I feel this way, and I don't know if it's bleedover or not."
Dealing with Bleedover
1. Communicate!
OP wrote another piece, called The 3Cs of Roleplay: Communication, Consent, and Consequence. The 'communication' bit is huge when dealing with bleedover.
Let OP give you an example from OP's actual roleplay:
Recently, OP played out a scene with someone that, while it started on a very relaxed and positive note, quickly started going bad. They were both aware, OOC, that is was going wrong, and that it would likely result in permanent damage to the characters' friendship... if they even ever spoke to each other again. They both, OOC, had bleedover -- feelings of sadness, guilt, unhappiness, and anger about the roleplay scene (which lasted several hours). Even while events were still unfolding, IC, they were talking to each other OOC as well. Asking each other, "Are you okay?" ... to which the answer was, commonly, "not really". This scene was so intense that they were both upset, OOC, for days afterward. Down moods. Feeling depressed. It felt like a friendship had ended, because of how emotional the scene was. But they asked each other, repeatedly, how things were. They both understood that there was nothing out of character that had changed and that they weren't upset with or mad at the other player. They talked about the scene and how it had happened, and the rationale between the two characters' actions, so that they'd understand why it went the way it did. They talked out our characters' emotional responses, to understand what they were feeling and how it affected the roleplayers, OOC. They reassured each other, constantly, that they were still friends OOC and that they'd handle the IC consequences as they came. It was important for them, OOC, to ensure that that IC friendship wasn't ruined, so they discussed different ways of how the characters might end up talking again and, over time, rebuild the bridges they'd burnt.
It was massive, severe bleedover, on both sides. But they were both aware that it wasn't a disagreement or fight between them, the players. They kept their IC/OOC separation in place, and they made sure that the other person understood that just because bad things had happened in character, didn't mean they were any fewer friends out of character.
2. Step Away
Sometimes when things hit you emotionally, you need to just step away and get some fresh air. Divorce yourself from the situation. Think about something else. There's nothing wrong with doing that, at any time during roleplay. Just as during a scene you might say "This is getting a little too intense for me, I need to take a break", you can also say during the aftermath, "I'm still kind of reeling from that, and I need to go do something else for a little while."
Bleedover is when you're too deep into your character's head -- and so it's often a good thing to pull yourself back out into real life. Go for a walk. Go watch something on TV. Hang out with some friends. Do something that changes your thinking patterns so that you get out of your character's mindset and back into your own. People will understand this (or they should) and respect it. Forcing yourself to stay in an emotionally charged atmosphere that's making you down, or uncomfortable, or whatever isn't going to help things calm down or make the roleplay any "better".
Another example from their actual roleplay:
At one point Sanneke (op's main) and her fiancee got into a huge fight, IC, out of the blue. It was vicious and involved a lot of insults, accusations, and sniping at each other. Feelings of betrayal, of loss, of fear, or anger. It was a nasty, nasty public fight, that ended with one of the characters stalking away and the other crying in an alleyway. Just not a happy thing all around.
The op and partner communicated, though, OOC (rule number one!). Lots of "Are you okay?" and "Wow, that was intense." Lots of checking to make sure that they, the players, were still friends and understood that both of them were having bleedover. And then, their roleplay partner said they needed to step away and do something else. Great idea, and op was all for it. They both ended up just leaving the computer -- op for a few hours, the other person until the next day. By that time they'd had a bit of time to recover. They communicated more, and eventually, things settled back down.
3. Be Patient
Bleedover isn't always gone in a few hours. Depending on how intense the scene was and how far you were in your character's headspace, feelings can linger for days. Op cried for two days over OP's character breaking up with someone. Honest to god. But by the third day, OP felt fine again, and thanks to the communication, they the players remained friends and knew what was going on. (OP don't know if they cried too. OP didn't ask. )
As long as you're aware where the feelings are coming from, it doesn't really matter how long they linger. As long as you can tell the difference, it will work out in the end.
Positive Bleedover
Most of what OP has written has focused on negative bleedover: unpleasant emotions, like anger or sadness or fear. However, be aware that there's also positive bleedover! A good, happy roleplay scene could have you grinning from ear to ear in real life for the next few hours, or longer. And, to be blunt: a good roleplay scene might get you in real life. There's no rule that bleedover only applies to negative emotions -- they're just the ones that are more difficult for us to handle and process. Who doesn't like to be happy?
The real danger with positive bleedover is, again, when we don't realize that it's bleedover, when we fail to keep our IC and OOC separate, and we start projecting those good feelings onto the other player, rather than the characters. The fact that your character's boyfriend makes your character insanely happy and is a beast in bed... doesn't mean anything about the other player. That your character is in love, does not mean there is a romantic relationship -- or any romantic feelings, period -- between you and the other player. ytimes are good roleplay -- it doesn't mean anything between the people behind the keyboards.
Lastly: Know Your Partners
Not everyone is equally as comfortable with different levels of communication in general. Hopefully, if you're engaging in really wonderful RP, it's with partners that you've played with a bit and you know a little bit regarding their "style".
OP, for example? OP is comfortable being VERY OPEN about things, OOC and IC. OP won't be offended by most things, and if OP is sure their RP partner is comfortable with a particular subject, OP won't shy away from it. OP does have limits, of course, but OP is an open person.
Someone else might be very private and have a much more narrow range about what they're comfortable knowing and talking about. For instance, they might not want to know your real gender IRL, at all. They might not want to know that you're feeling sad, happy, or frisky after a good RP (or at least, not in any significant detail).
Some people you can tell, "Wow, I've been crying/ for the last hour of this RP!" and they're fine with it. Other people, you might want to stick to "Okay, that was some intense roleplay. Mind if we take a break for the night?" and duck out.
Know your partners! And if in doubt, don't be afraid to ask.
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