I'm sorry
i can't change
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I try my hardest to make you happy and ok, but you seem to always push me away with slightly affection of care. I'm sorry if you had to go through that but I was there and you pushed me away from the situation completely. I tried to comfort you. Maybe you just didn't like me as a friend in general. But I feel like you saw me as that creep and you lost all trust towards me. It hurt me, it cracked my heart bit by bit. I offered you space and you took it. As if it were a piece of candy to chew on, you made it seem like you didn't care that I was trying to help you. I gave you space because I knew you didn't want me around anymore. You talk about guys and how cute and hot they are. And I sit and listen. I don't complain, I listen to you. I hear every single word and cry you say to me. But of course that's not enough, I guess. If I changed to one of those guys would you put me aside and take my care for . Or would you drool at the sight of me? I know I'm not the sharpst looking person but I have plenty to offer. I try my hardest to be your friend and that's all I ask for.
To be honest I was never the person in school to be liked. I never had a secret admirer, I never got gifts or letters on Valentine day, and no one spoke to me about them. When they did. It was a lie to embarrass me, it sunk me down but I ignored it. Day after day, I look at couples and can't help but think. What am I to most girls? An friend and a advice giver or their ideal type? A lot of the time it's an friend, nothing more than that. I don't hate myself but I'm fully satisfied with who and what I am. And I might not ever be. Right now I wanna stay by myself for a few days or weeks, I wanna stay away from most people completely because I do so much but they don't seem to care at all what so ever. I know you have a life and I have line but maybe you just don't want me to be apart of it like you want many others to be.
People keep telling me I got my whole life ahead of me but, do I really? I'm whimpering a corner because no one has even gave me life yet. No one has made that impact to make me wanna enjoy it. I really can't without knowing if I'm ever gonna really have real friends. I'm mad at everyone and world because they put me down to a level where I can't boost myself any further. Where you stuck in a little jail hole, givin a certain amount of time to live and be free. I always ask myself if things will get better for me and I know they will. But when it comes to finding that one person. Not at all. I have a lot to offer but they go after the ing pricks and jocks while I'm on the side lines like a bench warmer giving them advice on what to do. I've always helped other guys get the girls but the never take a single glance. Am I really not even there.
enter text here. enter text here. Everyone here wonders whats going on. Are you ok? Well im letting you know straight that I've been way better. I'm sorry if I'm ranting but i needed to get it out sometime. So I'm taking a step towards it now, if you Wanba know what's going on a little more then post or pm me. But right now I think I'm gonna go on a semi h. i need a break from this world to break back into reality. I know a lot of you have grown to close to me. Either as a friend, child, sibiling or whatever. I'm just sorry, cause i cant ing change.
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author's note
» JayJay is hurt..
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