don't do this. [tw: neglective parents]

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Authorballadeer

Created May 7, 2020 08:30:29

Tags realtalk

if you ever happen to have a child or more, good for you, but let me tell you something.

i hear people complaining about how strict their parents are and that they're never going to raise their kids like that. of course your feelings are valid when you say that (of course i'm not shaming people who come from abusive households, abusive parents/caregivers belong in prison anyway imo), i'm just asking you to do us kids that grew up with no limits one favor: PLEASE set rules for your children. PLEASE set limits. PLEASE don't let them do whatever they want. Be there for them. Let them know you care for them.

If a child feels like their own parents don't care about them, they won't care about themselves anymore at some point. Sure, as a kid it may feel super super cool to be careless and free and to get everything your way. Once puberty hits, that way of living will ruin your whole damn life.

My mom gave up on me so quickly. Overprotective as hell, let me do whatever the I wanted to do. Luckily, I'm a quite nice person, I'd like to think that at least. I don't blame her for being scared for me, though, after all, her pregnancy was really really tough and when I was a baby, she had to take me to the hospital for check ups a lot. I don't think she meant to hurt me, I don't think she ever meant to.

Attention is such an essential thing when you raise a child... and some parents really think buying their kids lots of toys is enough for them to feel loved.

Bull. Hug your kids. Ask them about their day. Show interest in their lives. Neither my dad nor my mom did that. I wish they had back then when I still wanted them to. Sounds harsh? I don't care. Now that I'm an adult, I know that my parents didn't do well in raising me.

The past 8 years I've been spending in my room feeling depressed and struggling on my own, every once in a while I told my friends, but they don't even have a clue about how deep it actually is. Even when I got the diagnosis "severe depressive episode" at age 14, my parents either couldn't understand or simply didn't want to. They didn't even try to understand. My mom never made me take responsibility. She even did my homework for me when I was in elementary school. When a kid huffs and puffs and throws a tantrum over their homework, you don't just take the work away from them and do it yourself. I know that she was overwhelmed, but... what did she even think back then? She knew one day I'd have to deal with tasks on a daily basis, she knew I'd have to do it on my own. So why did she do it? It doesn't make sense. Not at all.

That was only one of the many, many things she did to me. She lied to me to make me feel better, each lie soon turned out to be a lie, therefore I was disappointed over and over again, and I felt betrayed.

I know this sounds so weird but I wish my mom was stricter and more honest with me. Maybe that way I'd have some structure and stability in my life. Growing up without any strictness at all ruins your kid. I know she didn't mean to harm me, but she certainly did by simply not giving a , neither of my accomplishments nor about the times when I ed up. Authorities? Never heard. I just feel so disconnected to reality. But I can't wake up. Due dates? I don't care. I don't give a single damn . And I'm being a pain in the for everyone even if I don't mean to. People say I don't show respect. And I don't get what they mean, because I don't mean to be the way I come off as. I don't want to be a bad person.

Anyway, I'm just rambling at this point.

Why are you having children if you don't want to put up with them? It doesn't make sense to me. Especially not since my mom told me that I was a wanted child. Like... look at me now. A completely ed up drop-out with no motivation at all. Being with my family makes me feel like I'm chained to my bed, we only talk when we're having dinner and exchange a "hi" when we get home.

I'm so done with this place. I don't feel at home here. I don't have a place to feel at home at, either. I'm so sorry for being who I am today, I wish I could've done it better. I'm so sorry for hitting you with my insecurities but I can't turn to anyone because I don't feel like I matter and it's eating me up, I just feel like I'm drowning in all of this bull and i can't get out. You can tell me I matter all you want, I grew up being proven otherwise and it's hard to get rid of that.

I'm so sorry for being such a damn bother all the time lmao but I literally have so much in my head and on my mind and I can't, I literally can't hold it in any longer. Feeling this meaningless drives me crazy.

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chikookiehope 4 years ago

If you ever need someone to talk to, just rememeber I am here. I am a good listener, even when it seems I don't know what to say.

I agree with you. Children need some sort of strictness in their lives, honestly, so many kids these days grow up being ignored by their parents. Even people my age deal with the same issues.

Sometimes, I see how others act, and I go "wow, if I did that, I'd be punished". Of course, my parents are very extreme with discipline, yet that is not the only thing they showed me. Of course, I was scared of being hit if I messed up, but they also showed approval and love when I did something right.

I was a smart and good kid. And honestly, I only started to not as well when I was constantly told by them "you're too stupid to do this"
So this is the only reason I didn't finish college with a Bachelors. I was unmotivated after being told I wasn't good enough for a regular university (and I guess it made me think that way too haha)

Patients should both discipline and give positive reinforcenent. Too much of one can cause the child to not care in the end. Neither can cause the child to not care.

But having a balanced amount of both, it works. At least I think it does? When I was a child, I had both and was so smart and so successful at the time. But the moment that the discipline became more constant and severe, the words became more harsh...my brain turned off? It wasn't a sense of "i don't care" but a sense of "i guess you're right...I can't do this."

And now that they aren't as harsh anymore, I am getting back to becoming motivated to learn neww things. Of course, this is happening slowly...it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks.

catnips 4 years ago

I relate to this, on every level. I feel like I never really experienced motherly affection just because my mom adores my brother more? (it's a stereotype in my society as well) however, he grew up to be a brat because she loved him so much that she forgot about the 'parenting' part. That made me realise how much worse it's going to be for him, he grew up with one parent while I grew up with two. My dad was always there to guide me when I felt lost. I believe that no one should bring a life into this world until they're sure that they are capable of parenting, capable of emotionally connecting with them at every stage of life. Parenting is no joke. I hope you know that you are not alone in this.

yxgurt 4 years ago

i felt like i was ready to cry whie reading this. i knew about this before because you told me but man, i wish i was there to give you my shoulder right now.

fairys 4 years ago

this is actually a very important issue. there's such a fine line between supoortive and neglectful. i grew up with only one parent but never once did my mom make me feel as though im not an important part of her life.

rather than doing my homework for me, she'd help me with it. if i passed out while doing it, only then would she finish it for me. she allows me to go out with friends but shecs strict about the time i have to go home. grades dont matter but performance does, if she sees that i get high grades but i slack off and laze out all the time then she still wont be happy. she supports my passions but lets me find my own way to achieve them. she was always there in every performance, every show, every awarding, she made sure she never missed any of it. and she'd always ask me about my day and tell me about her's. parents are parents, yes, but they should also be our friends. being a parent is something mostky everyone is never prepared for, but if your child comes, you better get your act together and square up. never once did i feel the lack of a father because my mother never allowed me to feel it. good parenting leads to good people, the way children were brought up would stick to them forever.

parents, please learn from the mistakes of your own. if you dont want your child to turn into another you then be a better parent than your own parents were.