Words Unspoken (SKZ Vampire Drabble)

You can find the link to their profiles here: Post 1 & Post 2. And you can find the other drabble in this universe here: Click me.

Thank you! I hope that you enjoy! ♡

 

Hidden away in his study, he has mixed feelings about the fact that he can smell him coming. Seungmin is used to this by now but, in all honesty, it still kind of scares him that Chan’s scent is overwhelmingly strong every single time they’re around each other. He’s read books and heard stories about what it could mean but he’s never given it much thought. Some days, he questions if it’s just Chan’s hormones being higher than usual or if there’s more to it, especially since it becomes sharper whenever Chan’s attention is solely on him.

 

The knock at the doors draws his attention, snapping him from his thoughts. He bookmarks his page because, should he not give Chan his undivided attention, he’ll have a very pouty Chan on his hands and today just isn’t one of the days he’s in the right mindset to calm him down.

 

“Come on in, Chan,” he calls, setting his book down beside him on the chaise he’s been sitting on for at least the past couple of hours.

 

“I was calling you. Have you been in here the whole time?”

 

“I have. I didn’t hear you at all. I didn’t even know you were back.”

 

Chan shakes his head and hesitantly moves to Seungmin’s side from the doorway, as though they haven’t danced this dance countless times already. Seungmin just silently reaches a hand to him and Chan takes it before sitting next to him. Soon enough, they’re in one of their usual positions as well, with Chan’s head on his shoulder and Seungmin’s arm lazing over and hugging Chan’s shoulders until he’s bringing that hand up and lightly stroking his hair.

 

“Is something the matter? Why were you looking for me?”

 

“I just had something that I wanted to tell you.”

 

There’s a pause and Seungmin expects him to continue but he doesn’t and it results in him drawing his brows together for a moment, questioning on whether or not to prompt Chan to speak. He waits a little longer, trying to give the other a chance but it’s clear that he’s not intending to say anymore about it.

 

“What is it? What was it that you wanted to say?”

 

“I don’t want to now... You’ll make me go...”

 

“Go? Go where? Is it something important, like the doctor?”

 

“No, no, I’m all caught up on my appointments with every possible doctor for this year. You made sure of that.”

 

“Of course I did. I want to take care of you.”

 

Chan scrunches his nose up a little before he ends up sighing. He really wants to tell Seungmin the good news but he also isn’t sure how the conversation that would follow would go, and trying to decide is irritating him. When Seungmin puts space between them, he knows what comes next and ends up looking at him before the other can guide him to do so. Their gazes connect and Seungmin raises a brow at him. His face is calm but Chan knows very well how to read him and he can easily tell that there’s a mix of emotion in the other’s eyes: worry and annoyance.

 

“I won an award,” he finally says.

 

Seungmin tilts his head, nodding slowly before realizing what Chan was worried about, “You don’t want to go to the ceremony to receive it. Is that it?”

 

Chan doesn’t have to respond. They know each other well enough, and then some, for Seungmin to know that’s exactly it. He tilts his head, contemplating, before he’s finally nodding.

 

“I won’t make you go,” he finally answers and can see the relief on Chan’s face, “Unless they say you have to in order to receive the award, I won’t make you.”

 

Chan hugs him tightly and his head easily ends up on Seungmin’s shoulder again, though his face is buried more into the other’s neck now as he’s even closer than he was before. Seungmin sighs and just wraps his arm around him again. He’s not unhappy but he does get frustrated with the other for things like this. Neither of them have ever really been one for being in the spotlight. Granted the only time that Seungmin ever really leaves the house is to attend award shows and galas, he never really goes if it’s just to receive an award. He’s perfectly fine with making an appearance and performing and will gladly accept the award if he’s already there but he never goes just for the award. Chan has received quite a few himself, and twice as many in nominations alone. The only difference is that Chan, more often than not, makes the immediate decision to simply not show. Seungmin’s caught him on more than one occasion pleading for the award to just be mailed to him or if he could accept it somehow without having to do so in front of everyone. Often enough, he usually finds someone that complies to those wishes. Other times, he doesn’t. When that happens, Seungmin typically has to talk him into going, with the added, “Don’t worry. I’ll go with you” and that’s about all that it takes.

 

Lately, Chan has been acting differently. The two live alone and it’s not something that either of their families or close friends would probably even notice. Seungmin can tell that Chan has been a lot clingier lately and a lot more doubtful of himself. He’s not used to seeing the other so indecisive either. In retrospect, he’s thinking that pushing Chan to attend the ceremony may make things worse.

 

“Are you going to tell me what’s bothering you or are you going to make me guess?”

 

“What... What do you mean?”

 

“Did something happen? Was it something I did or said and that’s why you don’t want to tell me?”

 

Chan’s silence is enough to answer his question again though it makes Seungmin that much more curious. He’s always as careful with Chan as he possibly can be. After all, he’s watched him grow up. It’s like they’ve never really been separated, not that Chan would have it any other way anyway. That being said, he’s always done his best to be mindful as to how he acts and speaks toward the other. Given his own past, if he gets upset or just too emotional in general, there’s a chance tendencies and behaviors from back then can flare up and the last thing he’d ever want to do is to hurt Chan in any way. Sometimes, it couldn’t be helped though thanks to the price of honesty.

 

“You know how much I love you, don’t you?”

 

“Yes, I know. Why are you asking me that? You tell me and show me all the time.”

 

“But do you actually understand?”

 

Chan is the one to lean back this time. He looks at Seungmin, although it’s only brief as he can’t seem to make or keep eye contact with him, Seungmin’s doesn’t even force him to look at him, his own eyes scanning the other’s face though.

 

“Chan, why are you asking me that?”

 

“You don’t love me the way that I love you, do you?”

 

Seungmin’s brows pull together for a moment and he sits up straighter, expression turning serious, “What... Why--?”

 

“When you agreed to be with me, was it just to make me happy? And not because you actually wanted to?”

 

“I mean, I do always want you to be happy...”

 

“But do you realize that hurts so much more?”

 

“Where is this coming from? Why are you suddenly questioning it?”

 

“I’m not stupid. Well, not that stupid. I guess I either didn’t realize it or pretended I didn’t all this time.”

 

“You’re not answering my question.”

 

Chan finally looks at him, both of them just staring at each other for a while before Chan answers.

 

“I know how couples act. I know they’re all different but there’s... this different air around them when they hold hands or look into each other’s eyes. You can even see it when they just look at each other. Why do you pretend that you love me like that when you don’t?”

 

Seungmin is taken aback by the question, unsure of how to answer at first. He looks down and lowers his arm from around Chan’s shoulders. He can’t say he has any experience with dating anyone. He’s never had the time to and never bothered making the time for it. One thing is for sure though: He can’t say that he doesn’t love Chan, whether or not he’s sure it’s the same way the other loves him.

 

“Wouldn’t it be better if I just... you know, moved out, even just for a couple of days and gave you your space? I could go home with my parents for a while if that would help.”

 

Seungmin is quiet, his gaze returning to Chan. He parts his lips to speak but it’s as though they disappear into thin air when they reach the tip of his tongue. He doesn’t like the idea of Chan not being in the house with him and the more he thinks about it, the less he’s amused by it.

 

“Can you just... Can you say something? Anything? Please?”

 

If Chan only knew just how hard he’s trying to figure out how to respond. He doesn’t want to sound cliche and make excuses about not knowing how love works. It’s a two-way road. Chan’s always been in a more one-sided love with him but it just wouldn’t be accurate if Seungmin were to say he doesn’t feel anything more than platonic affection for him. He’s never really thought about it before though, not that he’s had a reason to. They’ve always been by each other’s sides and been able to rely on one another. As far as he knows, they’ve always been honest with one another.

 

Seungmin starts questioning if he’s been neglecting Chan and that’s what brought this on, or if maybe there was something he said in a passing moment that caused it. His mind is racing with millions of questions and answers and possibilities though it all comes to a halt as Chan speaks again.

 

“Hey, Seungmin... Do you know that you’ve never once said you love me?”

 

His eyes widen and he isn’t even aware that he’s shaking his head in disbelief. There’s no way. He’s had to have said it at least once, on a birthday or something. He can’t imagine that he’s really never spoken those words to him.

 

“Felix said that you might not have been aware. It’s been bugging me for a while and he told me to just finally say something, so I did,” he moves to stand, shifting uncomfortably, “I don’t know what I expected to happen. I didn’t even think I’d actually say something, so I don’t know what I’m hoping will happen either.”

 

“Chan...”

 

Chan shakes his head and smiles a little, “I’m sorry. I feel like I just went and ruined everything. I was fine with the way things were and I just messed it all up. I shouldn’t have done that... I just thought I should tell you. I mean, it feels better now that I’ve gotten it off my chest but... it still hurts, you know?”

 

Seungmin is quiet again, at a loss for words, not that he’s ever really been one to say a lot. His heart sinks as he notices the tears welling up in Chan’s eyes. His inhuman speed causes him to move a little too fast and he almost knocks Chan down onto the floor as he moves to grab him. Chan’s fingers are digging into his shoulders, keeping himself steady although he knows Seungmin won’t let him fall. Straightening him up and helping him steady on his own two feet, Seungmin then cups his cheeks and wipes his eyes. He doesn’t lower his hands and Chan ends up bringing his own up to hold them in place, the contrast between the heat in own hands and the icy chill in Seungmin’s is a much more stark difference than usual. The contact isn’t really anything unusual between them but, at the moment, they’re that much more aware of one another’s, well, everything.

 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never want to be the reason you cry...”

 

Chan lowers his gaze, just trying to prepare himself for the heartbreak he knows is about to happen. Seungmin is really trying to find the words he needs to say but breaks his own resolve as he goes ahead and says what it is that he simply wants to say.

 

“I take care of you not only because I promised our parents I would but because I want to. I enjoy looking out for you and being here for you whenever you need me. Your scent still throws me off some days, but it’s something so familiar to me that it wouldn’t feel like home here if your scent wasn’t here.”

 

“If you’re just saying that you don’t want me to leave, I won--”

 

“Chan, I love you with all of my heart. Of course I don’t want you to leave,” Seungmin says with a straight face, tone just as serious still, “I am surprised that I’ve never told you but I do. Like I said, I never meant to hurt you and I’m sorry I never realized it before.”

 

“Now, I feel bad for even saying anything...” Chan mumbles, tearing up all over again.

 

Seungmin shakes his head, gently guiding Chan to lean in then presses a kiss to his forehead, “Don’t feel bad. I should’ve noticed before what I was doing. I will not give you any excuses. I’m simply at fault and there’s no changing it.”

 

Chan curls in a bit on himself and Seungmin brings him in closer, wrapping his arms around the other and hugging him closely.

 

“I will admit that my love for you was different when we first got together. I have always loved you and cared for you but I am aware something is... It’s not the same as it used to be. When either of us have to work late or I’m somewhere, anywhere, without you, even here at home, it doesn’t feel right. I guess I’ve just gotten so comfortable with everything, I hadn’t thought about it before now.”

 

“You’re saying all of this to make me feel better. You’ve always been really good with words.”

 

“I’m not and that is simply because I think before I speak.”

 

Chan leans back, looking at the other offended, but his walls crash down when Seungmin smiles at him. His eyes widen a bit because it feels like he hasn’t seen Seungmin smile like that in such a long time.

 

“You...You actually look happy.”

 

“Hm? What do you mean?”

 

“I can’t remember the last time you looked so happy...”

 

“What do I usually look like then?”

 

“Like you’re plotting a murder.”

 

“Chan.”

 

“You asked me...”

 

“I was being serious.”

 

“So was I...”

 

The two stare at each other for a little longer but in silence before Seungmin smiles first and Chan is returning it. Seungmin is hesitant but he leans in and presses his lips gently to Chan’s, nothing more than a simple, lasting kiss. When he pulls back, Chan stares at him and he doesn’t have to say anything to make it clear he’s practically demanding that Seungmin does it again, which he does.

 

“So, are you going to change me now,” Chan asks in a whisper as their lips still brush, though they’re looking in one another’s eyes now.

 

“No, but I’m less afraid to punish you now if you ask me again and ruin the moment again.”

 

The internal battle of trying again is much too obvious in Chan’s eyes, “Okay. Fine, but you know I’ll ask again at some point.”

 

“That’s perfectly fine. Ask as many times as you want,” Seungmin smirks a little and pecks his lips again.