Some of you who were part of HG long enough might remember a blog that included me apologizing because I was so preoccupied from getting over a break-up.
I really felt like talking about this, I need to get off my chest.
I dated him for about 32 months. That's 2 years and two thirds of another year. He broke up with me through a text message on Tuesday October 2, 2012, after I came home from my after school club initiation.
I honestly don't understand how we lasted so long. I don't even understand why he asked me out. I know why I said yes... He was a good friend, he always made me laugh, he was popular among the group of friends, and he was attractive.
I felt like it was dream, straight out of a book, movie, drama, you know the fairytales where the introvert girl dates the popular guy. Now, he wasn’t popular like what one would think of when you think of popular people, but he was popular among his ring of friends. Those friends were often band students, choir students, darker styled, skaters, and anime/manga lovers. Not all together but singularly or mixed up.
I met him through my long time friend. I was not part of that group of friends; I was dragged along by my friend sometimes. When my best friend moved to another town about one hour drive away and made new friends, we were still as close as ever and I went over there every weekend, and for a week every other week during the summer and breaks. He was always there. My friend met him because they had many classes together and sat by each other almost all the time because both their last names and first names started with the same letter.
I felt awkward around him at first, but I felt the same around all of my friend’s new friends. But he included me in a lot of friendly activities, probably because he was trying to be nice to my friend and me (her friend). I did think he was very attractive, but totally out of my league. I could tell that several of the girls in the group of friends like him, the way they flirted and gawked at him made it pretty obvious. I thought of him as a clueless player, really. I wasn’t sure whether he was purposely leading them on by flirting with every damn girl, or if it was just part of his personality and speaking habits. I always felt flustered when he talked to me in his usual flirty manner. Though honestly I tried not to think much of it because I knew there was no way me and him were possible. I remember he dated countless girls, and never for long periods of time. In the sixth grade alone, I think he dated about four to six girls. I remember thinking that he was such a player.
Despite all of that, over time he and I got closer. I could practically call him one of best friends, it took a long time, but I was at my friends all the time and he was around nearly all the time so I became less awkward and more comfortable about being myself. It was seventh grade, and I remember he would hug me a lot, and even give me random pecks, but we weren’t even dating. I honestly didn’t think of those things as he liked me. I didn’t even think of friends with benefits thing. He did skin ship with everyone, it was so natural. Not saying that he would always be kissing/pecking his friends though (but he would peck some jokingly sometimes[even the dudes]).
Around December and January of my seventh grade year, he would talk to me about love and relationships. I knew exactly what he was hinting at; he was trying to subtly talk about us perhaps dating or that he loved me. I always kind of brushed it off but he would always do cheesy things to hint back to it. One time we were on the computer and he was making me and him take turns on taking these love quizzes. I was extra cautious and mine were kind of lopsided answers because he was looming over me, but his answers were all like the die-hard answers. I felt awkward and like this was not even possible.
A week before Valentines, he asked me out. I was hesitant, but I did say yes. I honestly couldn’t believe this was happening to me. He was my second boyfriend; my first boyfriend lasted for about a week before I broke up with him because I only thought of him as a friend. I adored him; he was like my prince, my dream.
That Valentine’s Day was the best ever. I went to his house, up to his room (which was like a loft). The windows had black sheets hanging over them to block out any light, the lights were off. Candles and dim, red-lighted-lamps were strategically placed around the room. The bed’s sheet’s had been black and red, so were the pillows. Stuffed animals were strung across the room atop the bed, bookshelf, computer desk and nightstand. In front of his bed was a small table with red wine glasses, the stems was shaped as a heart. There was sparkling cider nearby. A small red teddy bear holding a heart was placed by a heart-shaped container. The teddy bear and heart-shaped container were my gifts. Inside the container were chocolates and M&Ms. That night we goofed off, talked, laughed, drank sparkling cider, and sort of napped(I honestly couldn’t sleep ><)
He was soo cheesy and sweet. A total romantic. He was more of romantic than me, and most other girls too. I was so surprised that he stayed with me for so long considering his past relationships were short and plentiful. My best friend always reported to me and accounted for his loyalty. I can’t believe he stayed faithful to me. That guy, that hot, talkative, cute, guy.
For the next years we just had fun dating each other.
When I talked about him to my friends a few things stand out about what I told. He loves to skateboard, but cannot skateboard. He always falls off as soon as he gets on, falling on his . Always stealing his friend Daniel’s skateboard. And that he’s a total weirdo/goof.
I did think about breaking up with him before our break-up. I wasn’t sure if what I felt with him was really love, I didn’t think it was. But I couldn’t break up with him because I didn’t want to be alone, I didn’t want to lose him as a friend, and I thought ‘why am I being picky/selfish when I got someone way out of my league who treats me great’.
When he broke up with me, I wasn’t sad or angry. I was just a little shaken up, but other than that I was fine, maybe a little relieved and just a bit sad. I was glad that he broke up with me because he didn’t love me anymore instead of over another girl. Though in my shock, I texted Rochelle immediately because I had been texting her at the same time when I was texting him.
About two/three months later I find out he’s dating someone. I wasn’t particularly surprised given how attractive he is and how much of a player he was before we dated. But I started to think… ‘did he brake up with me over a another girl?’ That started to make a little pissed. Though I couldn’t be sure if that was it, and I still don’t know for sure.
Now more time has passed. I miss him. I’m not sure if I miss him as a boyfriend, but I definitely miss his company. He and I were so close. And now… that last time I saw him was in the beginning of January, which was also the first time I saw him after our break-up. He acted like nothing happened. He acted like usual. Kind, sweet, natural.
I and some of those close friends would have sleep over things. And that time in January was the same. I, my best friend, he, and some other dude slept on the bed, some others slept on the floor and couch. The order on the bed was dude, best friend, me, and him. He hugged me. I could tell that earlier that day he was acting like usual but… wasn’t that too much? He was hugging me pretty much all night, like he used to… I know he hugs a lot of people, and sure maybe he just like to hug people when he sleeps… But come on, I’m his ex. He hugged me other times during those days that I stayed at my friends. That grin. That smile. I honestly liked his hugs, but he’s dating someone else now, and I still have these lingering feelings for him like I want to hug him back or kiss him.
I haven’t spoken to him since.
What’s worse is that he pretty much destroyed the friendship between me and my long time friend (first grade to tenth grade). The last time I saw her was the last time I saw him. We still talked on facebook once in awhile, but it’s been a very long time since we’ve talked. We even text each other anymore. She’s not on his side, but I think I subconsciously kept pushing away from the entire situation. That town where she lives is where he lives. Where she lives and hangs out is where he is almost always at and those friends of theirs.
I miss her. I miss him. I want my best friends back. But they both have lives now. They’re busy with friends. And I don’t like being around some of those friends, I prefer seeing my best friend alone, but it’s hard to find that time anymore... especially since we don’t talk anymore.
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