I'm starting to see why I have a falling out with so many people... [Venting--?]

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AuthorAmbieAssassin

Created Apr 13, 2022 20:23:17

Tags vent

Thankfully, I don't have too many blow-ups when it comes to falling out with someone but I'm really starting to understand that, for some reason, the ones I have a falling out with really want more from me or want like a different me? And then get upset with me for not meeting that expectation, when I wasn't even made aware to begin with.

I was on my discord, and noticed there was a deleted user in my history of chats? I don't know how else to word it. But it was someone I had been rping with and it turned sour the instant I said I couldn't do it anymore. It was for over a year we talked and it's been about a year since then. I forgot about it, to be honest, since it's been so long since it happened.

I'm apparently very compliant in always trying to make sure others' needs are met and that they're okay, at the least, and that they feel loved and incldued and completed but I get drained. Very drained, especially when I seemingly am getting someone so used to me meeting what they want and I suddenly don't meet it anymore. It's not even anger or anything I feel. For the most part, I just end up tired and numb and I start to distance myself. I don't even know if I can say that it's like I feel like I'm not good enough the way that I am or... maybe that is what it actually is.

There's also this feeling that I'm just very much unwanted the instant I don't meet expectations. The second they realize I'm a person with emotions and thoughts and feelings of my own and not just someone that can input their commands into and I respond how they want. I may go by A.I. here and there (and I think that's just a running thing with me, myself and I as I've never bothered to share it) but that doesn't mean I don't have feelings, for heaven's sake.

I would say that it happens in cycles, like clockwork, but I'm just understanding that it really feels like I'm never really allowed to hae things that actually make me happy. If my bubble even gets the slightest bit of air in it, someone has to come by and pop it because, unless they're the ones putting air in it themselves, I'm not allowed to have it. I'm just not allowed to be...me.

Maybe I really am just this nasty person that has a mean streak or something. There's got to be something to it, right?

Anyway. Take care, guys. And, if you read this far, thank you for reading.

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bangchans_wife 2 years ago

Who is expecting more from you? I'll fight someone. You're just fine the way you are and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. My hands are ready. No one is perfectly. BUT you're just fine the way you are. And I stand by that. <3
I hope you've been doing well~

badomens 2 years ago

Being a people pleaser , but please don't feel bad for saying no and you are (even though we don't know each other) not a mean person for putting yourself first!! If said people are jerks when you are being yourself or putting yourself first, they never deserved you to begin with and is best if you part from them while you can. I know it might make you anxious or nervous, but sometimes we have to do whats best for us even if it in the moment. You'll thank yourself in the future!! Your feelings and thoughts are 1000% valid! <3

0e3f97d30391478699bf 2 years ago

"There's also this feeling that I'm just very much unwanted the instant I don't meet expectations. The second they realize I'm a person with emotions and thoughts and feelings of my own and not just someone that can input their commands into and I respond how they want."

This so much of this. I know we don't know each other well but you're not a nasty person. Establishing boundaries is healthy and you'll find friends who are happy with that, I'm sure. It's a problem I struggle with too. So if you ever need an ear I have two, you can borrow one. And you should be allowed to exist and be happy.

megaverse 2 years ago

listen
do i gotta beat someone up sdjsodjo

Beomks 2 years ago

It can get hard sometimes when people like us are such people pleasers. We want people to be happy and to like us, even if we say it doesn't matter. It's really upsetting and draining though that they look for every misstep and instance that they can call you out on. You know how I've always felt with my family and how they call me a monster the moment I don't follow the exact path they lay out for me and you've always been there to tell me I'm not and call out what they had been doing. I really hope you don't let people like them make you feel the same way. You are a really great person, Amber <3 Just because you don't fit the exact mold someone places out for you doesn't make you any less of an awesome and lovable person ;;