guys ok i'm writing this right before hitting post, and honestly this whole blog is just me gushing about monsta x and the concerts i went to this weekend. it's long. as. . i'm very much not expecting anyone to read through it all so if you wanna know about just the concert experiences, start reading from the underlined paragraph down. or not, i don't care. i just needed to write and get it all out lmao. love you guys. have fun on this roller coaster ride if you decide to hop on.
honestly i kinda wanna just get this all written down somewhere so i don't keep ruminating over the same thoughts over and over again, bc that's what happens with me when i have no one to talk to about them at the moment lmao.
haha anyways, some of y'all may know that i went to see monsta x in concert this weekend. they had two (2) !!!!!! stops in my city because they are and honestly idk why else they would do that if not for ME and to let ME live my wildest dreams for once hehe. and OF COURSE i went to see them both days,,,,, i was gonna just buy a vip ticket for one of the dates originally, but it was a whoooole lot cheaper to get tickets for both days. and that seemed more worth it tbh. and also it just so miraculously turned out that my dad left the country like three days before the concert!!!! my sister and i were just gonna sneak out to go to one of the dates, but once we found out he was leaving we immediately bought both days lmaoooo.
if you've been around for long enough, you know that i've been insanely into monsta x for so long now. like, they're my number one group, kihyun is my ride or die, they are my comfort group, they are truly the loves of my life. and me ending almost all of my blog posts for three? four? years now with 'go stream mx's ____' (usually jealousy ahaha) soooo yea, i'm pretty obsessed.
i never thought i would get the chance to get to see them live, because they had three tours where they were here and i wasn't able to see them, so i would just spend the days just crying myself to sleep and getting hella depressed. and i was actually planning on finding a way to go to their 2020 tour, but covid happened so nope. but once they finally announced the rescheduled dates for earlier this year, that same feeling of dread and overwhelming sadness hit,,,, until a few days later when i was like 'wait wtf, if they're gonna be here in february, my dad's gonna be out of town. and i have a job so i can save up. why tf would i not go????'
and thus started the madness. once i got it in my head that i was gonna get to go to a CONCERT, that's all i could think about. and the day after my dad left for a few months, ateez started their tour here and i somehow got last minute tickets for cheap???? kinda absolutely wack that ateez was my first concert, especially since i didn't even know that i would be going until a few hours before it actually happened lol.
but yes, once that started, it got out of hand very quick. i started working more and more often to save up, and monsta x was coming up two weeks after ateez!!!! until they rescheduled AGAIN bc of stinkin covid ugh. and i was so sad bc i was like 'idk when they're gonna reschedule it for but all i know is that i'm definitely going if it's the last thing i do'. and they announced the date,,,,,, may 29. i was like yeeaaa im gonna go, and even buy my sister a ticket too bc that's her birthday!!! and i love her and im gonna take her with me to see them bc even though she's so annoyed with my obsession, she also secretly loves them lol. and yea, that brings us to here. today. this weekend.
this past week i was honestly so anxious and stressed about everything, it was like pre-concert depression if that's even a thing?? but it was just the worst bc i kept imagining so many scenarios of things going wrong. but once my dad told us he was leaving the country for a few weeks, most of it went away!! but i was still Utterly Distressed lmao. i didn't know how i would turn out (emotionally) afterwards tbh, because when i went to see ateez back in january, i spent a few weeks just sooo depressed and sad about it, like i would randomly start crying about hongjoong and yeosang and it was so painful. so i was like 'damn, if i reacted to them like that and they're not even in my TOP FIVE GROUPS, HOW THE WILL I HANDLE MONSTA X? MY NUMBER ONE GROUP FOR SEVEN YEARS NOW???' and needless to say, that had me a in mess.
but here i am, a few hours post day 2 and having mostly processed day 1 already, and i'm,,,,, mostly okay. i mean, i have been full on ugly sobbing on and off these last three days, but it was more out of sheer excitement and feeling intensely overwhelmed that it was actually real. that my dream to see them live was finally coming true. and it was a lot to handle.
i started crying like crazy in the merch line before the concert started on saturday bc i saw the stage though an open door and it hit me like a truck. and i have to say, of the three other concerts i've been to these last few months, monbebes really truly are the ing best. it was so calm, so chill, everyone was so friendly, everyone was SO HOT UGH ABSOLUTELY GORGEOUS. but a few people near me saw me breaking down and they were like rubbing my back and trying to calm me down, and one lady had her handheld fan on my face until i was able to breathe properly again. so soothing fr, and from complete strangers too who didn't even know this blubbering mess of an idiot. ugh i love them so much.
and i made so many new friends because of monsta x!!!! both online and in real life!!! today i actually sat a few seats away from this adorable girl around my age who was pretty shy and stressed about being there alone, but we hit it off immediately because the FIRST thing she says to me as i'm sitting down is 'oh my god are you okay? you look so anxious :(' and i was just like 'yep, this is her' and my annoying talkative just took her in lmao. she literally asked the two people sitting in between us if she could switch seats with them to sit next to me and they were totally cool with it. we just talked for so long until the show started, and her man was minhyuk so the two of us are literally there hyping each other up and trying to get the other's bias to notice them (which, lemme say, i was able to get minhyuk to focus on her so many times, so i'm hella proud of myself hehe). and we're just holding each other throughout all of this and i'm comforting her as she freaks out about minhyuk and she's just trying to hold me together as i sob over kihyun. this system came in very handy when they had their solo stages right after each other, so i held her for minhyuk's and then she got herself together long enough to try to keep me from passing out during kihyun's. and once it was all over, i sit down and immediately break down, and she just hugs me and tries to calm me down, and a few other people come over and are fanning my face and offering me water and rubbing my back telling me that it'll be okay, and it was just so pure and loving and it was quite honestly the most comforted that i have ever felt in my entire life. absolutely beautiful human beings. and once i said bye to my new friend i walk out to find my sister and it turns out that SHE GOT MY MELTDOWN ON CAMERA BC SHE WAS UP IN THE BALCONY JUST WATCHING. . but we ran into another friend i made a few months ago at the monsta x movie!!! and also one of the lovely human beings who was calming me down omg they stopped me and were like 'baby are you okay now?' and now i'm trying to explain to this person that i was just so overwhelmed but i thanked them and we hugged and my sister is just rolling her eyes like 'damn you are such an embarrassment'. i ing love monbebes so much, best fandom for real.
but yea on saturday i had a balcony seat in like a lil box area where there were only six seats, so there weren't too many people around to witness my descent into madness. and once they came out, i got so weak and lightheaded that i literally fell to my knees,,,, from my chair. i was SITTING and my legs ing gave out on me, like how does that happen??? haha but i spent almost the entire concert on my knees, clinging onto the railing in front of me with one hand and waving my lightstick with the other as i sing along to every. single. word. at the top of my lungs. i did start ugly sobbing during a few of the songs, but like the trooper i am i sang my heart out even through the tears. i'm pretty sure the girl sitting next to me thought i was Absolutely Insane because she was just sitting calmly listening to the songs.
today's show though,,,,, i had floor seats and i was somehow so ing close to the stage???? i have no idea how i got a seat THAT ING PERFECT FOR LESS THAN 180 DOLLARS OH MY GOD IT WAS INSANITY. I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD BE THAT CLOSE!!!! i had an aisle seat on the complete right side of the theater so i was free to jump out and dance and jump to my heart's content,,,, which is exactly what i did. long gone were the weak knees of the previous night, i was here to TURN OUT AND GO CRAZY TODAAAYYYY.
but guys (is anyone even still reading this?? highly doubt but if you are i love u so much). guys,,,,,,, i was close enough to see the sweat dripping down their chests. i was close enough to see KIHYUN'S UGLY LIL CHEEKBONE DIMPLES OH GOD I LOVE THEM SO MUCH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HOLY . anyways yes i was that close. when they were introducing themselves, i still had my hands up in the air and like just resting on my head, but my lightick was still kinda pointing up and flashing green. and kihyun ends up looking in my direction, so of course i lose my mind a little and start waving, and he's literally just watching me for a good 15 seconds as i wave and give him heart arms before just mouthing 'i see you' with an ugly lil smirk. oh my god when i tell you that i almost passed out on the spot. im actually so surrpised that i didn't tbh, it was truly so overwhelming.
but oh no, that was only the beginning of me living my best main character life. this man really had the audacity to keep looking back in my direction every time they were talking or just chilling while performing. and at some point near the middle/end, he looks back over in my direction and waved again, and he just stares for a moment before kinda just wiggling his eyebrows witH THAT SMIRK AGAAAIN and i literally fell back to my seat i was so shocked,,,, and this LAUGHS AT ME. HE LAUGHED AT THE IN REACTION HE GOT OUT OF ME. OH MY GOD HOW THE IS THIS REAL???!!!!!??!>!>>!??!!! and im just going all out, waving like crazy at all of them and blowing kisses (mostly to kihyun though) and i could SEE that he noticed them but he kept looking away?? . but. but. BUUUTTTT when they were doing the very last song in the encore and they were bowing before they got off the stage for good, right before he took hyungwon's? minhyuk's?? hand honestly can't remember, he looks DEAD IN MY DIRECTION, MAKES EYE CONTACT WITH ME, AND BLOWS ME A KISS. I ING KID YOU NOT, HE BLOWS A KISS AND IMMEDIATELY TAKES OTHER GUYS HANDS, BOWS, AND WALKS BACK TO LEAVE. I DAMN NEAR HAD A HEART ATTACK OH LORD. this motherer. this tease. this human being. this perfect specimen of a man. i'm so angry i'm so irritated i'm so starstruck i'm somehow even more in love with him than i ever was before. holy ing .
BUT LEMME TELL Y'ALL ABOUT JOOHEON BC EVEN THOUGH KIHYUN WAS BREAKING MY HEART THROUGHOUT THIS ENTIRE THING, MY HONEY JOOHONEY WAS THERE TO PICK UP THE PIECES AND MAKE ME HYPE AS . during the second last song of the encore, stand together, WHICH IS BY THE WAY ONE OF MY MOST FAVORITE MONSTA X SONGS EVER, i'm obviously up there jumping along and rapping to every single word. he notices me right before the last chorus,,,,, comes to stand right in front of me and we're just rapping together. literally. i'm up there rapping my lungs out and pointing at him and dancing and losing my mind, and he is returning the energy right back at me and we're just RAPPING AT EACH OTHER FOR SO LONG. and in the moment i thought it was ilke ten or fifteen seconds, but i rewatched the video my sister took (god bless her heart i love her so much) and it was like A SOLID 35 SECONDS. WE'RE JUST THERE JUMPING AND RAPPING TOGETHER AND GOING CRAZY AND IT WAS HONESTLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF MY LIFE. and for the rest of the show which was like half an hour, he kept looking back in my direction and winking and just interacting with me so often and i literally felt like i was floating oh my god. what a beast of a man. his charisma, his stage presence, his sense of humor, the way he was roasting everyone in the audience and on stage, his vocals, his rap, his solo stage,,,, all of it. lee jooheon is absolutely amazing and he deserves the entire world. even though i really wanna punch him in the face lmao.
yo don't even ask me about hyungwon minhyuk or changkyun. there were moments we interacted but i haven't fully processed them because of yoo kihyun and lee jooheon. so unfortunate. but i will say that ALL FIVE OF THEM ARE SO ING HOT. ABSOLUTE SMOKE SHOWS. THE IEST MEN I HAVE EVER LAID EYES ON. PERFECTION. oh my god hyungwon had the audacity to pull out a new outfit for his solo stage and it's A ING CROP TOP SORT OF SHIRT???? YESTERDAY HE HAD ON A SHEER SHIRT WHICH WAS BAD ENOUGH, BUT NOW THIS MAN IS OUT HERE LOOKING THE MOST EXPOSED I HAVE EVER SEEN HIM SINCE ING DEBUT. OH MY GOOD LORD. AND I GOT TO SEE THAT LIVE AND UP CLOSE??? A HATE CRIME FR.
the performances themselves. oh man. even though they didn't do a lot of their older songs, it was still so ing perfect. the audacity they had to perform find you???? unbearable. both days i immediately started sobbing at the opening note and i did not stop until two songs later,,,, when jooheon starts making fun of us for crying lmaoooo. but honestly almost all of their songs were so hype and insane, they really did not do many of their chill songs. and when they reached the end, during the encore?!! why the hell they do BEASTMODE, ZONE, FALLIN, AND STAND TOGETHER. ALL IN A ROW. ALL ING CLUB BANGERS THAT HAD EVERYONE ON THEIR FEET JUMPING AND DANCING LIKE CRAZY. THEY ARE BEASTS!!!!!!
ok i think i'm done yelling about them specifically,,,,, for now. i don't think so. probably not lmao.
but anyways!!!! getting back to my earlier point about being stressed about my emotional and mental wellbeing after the concert, especially considering how i reacted to ateez,,,,,, i am doing wonderful. i mean, i'm still very very very overwhelmed that it was all real and i don't think that will go away anytime soon, but the predominant feeling here is,,,, awe. and happiness. i'm not even a little bit sad (at least, not yet lol)
i'm just so so so soooo ing happy and over the moon that i got to experience this. and TWICE IN A ROW AT THAT???? so blessed fr. i never thought in a million years that i would get to see them even once in my life, but here i am with an assload of memories from this weekend. i'm just,,,,, so overjoyed.
i don't know if i ever really got into how much monsta x truly means to me in my life, but it's actually so insane. i first caught wind of them here on rpr when i heard about their survivor show no.mercy, but i didn't watch it bc i was just like 'meh i'll see how this turns out after it's all done'. but then i saw trespass, and then hero, and i was IMMEDIATELY hooked. and i never turned back. kihyun never really reared his ugly head until all in a year later, and it was all downhill from there :D
they got me through so many tough times in my life. the hard process of starting college after being homeschooled throughout high school and having nooo social skills at all and not having made any new friends since i was 12. figuring out what i was going to do with my life those first few years of college. all the hardships i went through at home and with my mental health. applying for nursing school. working to get into nursing school. going through nursing school. GRADUATING from nursing school. and now getting my first big girl job as a nurse omg (which will happen any day y'all pls pray someone calls me for an interview soon). all the changes that have happened in my family over the last couple of years. all the ups and downs that come with growing up and learning who you are as a young adult and finally molding into a version of who you truly are.
a few weeks before taking my nursing license exam, they dropped their second full english album and there was one song on there that just immediately struck a chord with me. the dreaming. i don't know why exactly, but the way i first took it as i was listening to it was just like,,,,, 'this song is the end credits playing in the film of my entire nursing school career' and that has just stuck with me ever since. lame, i know, but it's the only way i can put it that seems to make sense once i write it down lmao.
they truly are my comfort group, my beacons of light, my happy place, the loves of my life, literally my reason for living sometimes, and it's just so overwhelming for me to think about. how a group of men chasing their dreams has become such an inspiration for me to do the same and to live my best life unapologetically. they have given me so much confidence in myself that i would have never thought possible just a few years ago. it's so crazy, and it's so amazing. i'm so blessed to have them in my life and it was such an honor and a privilege to be able to meet them and show them just how much they mean to me.
and to also know that they noticed me giving them my all and them just being so appreciative of it via knowing looks and proud smiles :woozy:
anyways haha long ing story short, i love monsta x with all my heart and i had a blast this weekend. core memories fr.
go stream love rfn.
15K WORDS WHAT THE HOLY IS WRONG WITH ME. i really don't think anyone will be reading any of this, but if you did, i appreciate you so ing much and you deserve all that you want in the world ♡
i've been typing for almost two hours now and i haven't even shed a single tear oh my god,,,, maybe bc i'm lowkey dehydrated from all the crying and sweating today lmao lemme go get water bye now
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