i keep forgetting that i've been on this site for over a decade. and with that, there has been plenty of characters that i have met along the way. people that i still adore now. some of the friends i have made on this site have been in real life friends, connections made beyond roleplaying and beyond kpop. i truly treasure those friendships through and through.
a part of me wanted to plan a speech or something as a final message to you all.. but frankly, i found myself staring at a blank page with not much to say, which troubled me because i didn't want to just say hi then bye, ya know? so i'm just letting my thoughts flow freely for now.
the other part of me didn't want to say anything at all. for 10 years, i had a love-hate relationship with rpr. i had experiences i'm not proud of, experiences that have changed the way i look at the site now; it's just a cess pool of anxiety for me. i kept forgetting to log in and make this post and whenever i did remember, i'd avoid it because i could feel the anxiety settling into the pit of my stomach. there wasn't any muse anymore. i saw no excitement, felt no yearning to log in and exist here anymore. any time i did, i felt like i was disturbing the nest. it was genuinenly starting to kill my passion for writing as a whole, and i knew then that it was time to distance myself from here.. for good, it seems.
rpr was once a safe space for me. there were things that happened that were my fault, and i am always going to accept accountability for that. there were things that happened that weren't my fault, and i am always going to remember how i felt in those moments. at the end of the day.. this is a website. a website created with the intent to help people like you and me indulge in their passion of writing, story-telling, roleplaying, and kpop. somewhere along the way, something steered off course and nothing was ever the same. i always felt like it was me, like i was the odd one out. and for the past year or two, i struggled heavily here as well - i confided in a few people but i felt like i couldn't fit in anywhere. i just kept hiding in private rps, refusing to come out because of how bad my anxiety had gotten.. over a damn website..
it was a harsh realization that made me come to a difficult decision: to announce my departure from rpr. i just don't see it the way i used to, my experiences on the site stifled the excitement i once felt. i no longer see it worth my time to be here, however that doesn't mean i am quitting roleplaying. i still do wish to write and i still do want to talk to the ones i got close to here. i'm always going to be on discord or on kakaotalk, and if anyone needs my id, let me know. i had plans on asking those in private rps with me if they had any issues moving our threads over to discord or to kakaotalk. and if you aren't in a private rp but wish to add me anyways so we can chat, i will happily give you my dc or kkt id as well.
i'm not leaving completely. in a way, the door will always be open; i'm not deactivating my account but i will leave it up in case i do decide to make a return. until then, i will most likely not log on again except to transfer threads over.
thank you all for the precious moments and memories. regardless of what happened between us, i am still grateful for the time we spent together and i sincerely wish nothing but the best for you. i hope for good health for all of you and i hope 2024 has been kind to you (from what i've seen on the news and heard about though... jfc it's getting hard to be optimistic nowadays). please take care of yourselves and remember you are loved, cared about, and thought about. you are a blessing to those who love you, never take any of them for granted and remember to tell them "i love you" every day if you can.
and remember, no matter what anyone else says or thinks, be who you are. don't let anyone try to dim you down, shine brighter than they could've predicted and hold your head high because you are truly something unique you ARE meant to be here. there is only one you, so you better make it count and you better take damn good care of yourself in the process.
thank you all. for the support, for the memories, for the memes, for the laughter, for the screams of excitements over a chefs kiss worthy plot. there is always going to be a place in my heart for you.. but for now, i will be taking my leave.
i love you all and i know a part of me will miss this site.. maybe i'll pop in once in a while just to bug some of you heh ❤️
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