Seriously, I don't want to go..

I don't know..

I rarely post any blog  here so yeah *shrugs* maybe this time I may express ma feelings out?

...

So for those who would like to hear, this will be my very last semester in college.

I have to focus on my thesis, projects and all. I'm still parttiming at kindergarten as a teacher and I'm helping one of my lecturers to do her project.

I must be crazy I know.

At first I thought I'll be able to manage my time, between rl and being online to roleplay.

But I was wrong.

I just got home from parttime work today and decided to stay on laptop for awhile to update one of my rps.

Never even crossed ma mind that I would spend 3 hours.

I got home at 17.00 and finished updating (just updating not roleplaying) at around 20.00.

Then I was thinking, how am I supposed to do my thesis if I stay roleplaying? I mean updating things took me 3 hours then how about the roleplaying itself?

Then suddenly it came to me,

maybe I should really stop roleplaying for good?

I've been roleplaying on tumblr and rpr,,

..I still remember the very first time I started rping, I was so scared, what if I ended up looking stupid?

Until I fell for this one male character, and that's when I know I had fallen in love with roleplaying itself.

Since then, I continued roleplaying until I got addicted to it and I created more characters.

Bora Baro and Tao, ma very first characters ever.

I got attached to all three of them and even to their lovers, Gongchan, IU and Hyori,

seriously maybe I sounded weird but I actually fell for you guys.

Time passed by, until I've found this site.

Roleplay Republic.

Gosh I do love this site, and I regret it, I got extremely attached to this place that I couldn't even stay offline for more than 3 days.

Days passed by until I realized I abandonded my 3 characters on tumblr. Why? Not that I'm bored of them but seriously tumblr somehow became much much slower to access--compared to this site so I could hardly be online on tumblr.

It seemed like one of my characters' lovers got pissed of me for never being online, and the other two were... I don't know, I hardly ever seen them these days.

I wanted to make it up to all three of them, But it's too late. My very last semester is coming in about 5 more days.

I started disappearing more often than I used to be, and now I guess it's time for me to go.

But no, I don't want to go.

I couldn't leave my characters.

I couldn't leave their lovers-- because I was highly attached to all of them.

Especially my characters Bora Baro and Tao on tumblr, recalling my last memories about them hurt me alot that tears started ruining ma cheeks again. Gosh.

IU--or what I used to call Jieun-ah, we just started moving in together few weeks ago and I couldn't believe I have to leave her. you're so amazing, you're so strong and impress me the very first time we met. I'm not really into calm girls but seriously you had changed my point of view. I'm sorry that I'm not as active as you want, I still remember how you sent me messages that all "Jagiii..." with those sad emoticons, seriously it's not just you who's sad,, I'm also sad that I can't be there for you much. 

Hyori, I'm really sorry that I couldn't be a perfect fiance for you. Yes, i've lost my muse in tao but viewing this problem I am having I just realized that I missed you alot even though I would never admit it since you wouldn't believe me anymore. I'm not even sure you read this anyways. But seriously, I made those excuses up because I was scared to tell you the truth, I wanted to but I couldn't. I even asked sasa to help me to talk to you.

Gongchan. I missed him a whole lot now. He's the very first rp love i've ever had and I'm so thankful that I had him, seriously. 16 August 2013 was our very first anniversary, and I cried a lot at his replies to me. It was just few lines but it meant the world to me. I still remember the first time we met, I never imagined that we ever became together like this and I'm contented of our relationship. I'm sorry that I made you join that open rp and now you're loosing your muse on your character. It's okay love, I'm not forcing you to wait for me and I'm really sorry to make you wait and be not active enough on tumblr. I love you and I still do---I think. Honestly I've lost my muse on Bora too but everytime I read your replies or see you on I don't know why my eyes won't stop letting tears out. But we can't force something that's not going to work out right?

Okay those 3 paragraphs had successfully making me cry like a lil kid.

And now I am about to leave rpr Oh God

For people of castle of sin, seriously I'm sorry, I tried to be online more but I recently found maself unable to be on as much as I know I should be. Jongjin I'm sorry I can't be a good head admin for the roleplay... I'm thinking of giving it away since I need to focus on my thesis and all

For people of Here We stand, I'm sorry that I couldn't stay long as the head admin, I think I'll either give it to Daehyun or.. I dunno.. it's not that I want to abandon the rp, no.. but I just recently realized that it had exploited most of my time, I didn't even get the chance to reply to the other rps im in. This is much worse than before I built the rp.. but no, I'm not regretting it, I love Here We stand and I would like to thank all of you for ever being in there. For all my coadmins, Dae, Sehun, Kris and Tao.. thank you very much for everything...I'm sorry if I made so many mistakes and if we ever argued once.. but really, thank you for everything and I'm sorry but I think I have to go...

...

I know I have to but I can't..

My mind is now overwhelmed with my 3 first characters and 2 rps I'm head admining in and all the rps I'm still in.

...Last night I dreamed about the funeral of one of my graduated kindergarten student, and it said that it means I'm going to lose something so dear to me.

Now I know what it is I guess.

But really, I don't want to go yet

...I'm sorry you shouldn't have read this.. My grammar seriously like hell if I get emotional.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for making you guys see this.

Still, I don't want to go yet..