WARNING THIS BLOG MAY BE EXTREMELY BIPOLAR
What really happens when you're gone?
What goes on in the minds of those you hold close to you when you're around?
How can humans be so awful to each other sometimes and not even realize it?
Those are questions everyone would love to know the answer to....
Lately, I've been feeling pretty ty, and more just keeps popping up....
For once I actually feel like talking or writing or whatever about it, so I am.....
I feel like one of those over emotional pricks writing this, but BOF~ (I love that word now <3)
Out of the 6-10 friends I have and still talk to..... (Too lajeh to count @-@)
Only 3 actually feel like my friends....
Andi/James? Dereck? Damien? -can't remember your dude name-/Turtle Umma/Mai Unnie/Kai/Lay/oexo/Glittercoon/MJ/Other
PartyHardEngland/The other Jen/KREASETH O.O/Lay? (Lol I think everyone has a tiny Lay inside them....)
Jess/Johnny Depp/Appa (Who can't see this but I put it here cuz I canz....)
You guys are the ones closest to me, I LUUUUUURRRRRRVVVVVVEEEEE CHUUUUUU~
The part that's is that I feel like I'm fading, losing all my friends gradually, all those 6-10 people either used to be my really good friend, or I just never felt close to....
It seems like the only time I'm included in something is when I barge in and ask if I can join you.... Which I feel rude after doing, but if I didn't, I'd be alone, which I don't mind sometimes, but to be alone all the time would make me fade, which is what I'm doing now..... Because I don't wanna barge in anymore, even though we always have good times, I still get the feeling that I wasn't wanted there.....
I probably wont be able to stop barging in because I really don't want to fade and become that person I used to be a few years ago, the one that frightened everybody with the cold dark sadness that seemed to eminate from her.
All I ask is that you quit the bull and think just a little before you speak. Stop talking about your plans that don't involve me RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME...... Don't randomly start talking about your plans with another friend while me and you were talking about something else..... It pisses me off slightly..... But mostly what happens is that in my mind there's that little Lay in me that goes off into a corner and hugs his knees, sitting there blankly. He says: Oh.... Alright then.... I guess I'll be here if you need me..... Heh heh.... Even though you probably don't....
That crushes me, and makes me want to do the same.....
With every passing moment, as the clock ticks away slowly, I'm fading ever so slowly, but soon I'll be nothing, because I was barely anything in the first place....
Everyone in my family is moving except me, my brother, and my mom. She wants to know if we wanna move too, as I find myself with less and less friends because they either ignore me when I try talking to them, or they just start pissing me off, I'm starting to seriously consider it.....
So, what'll happen if I leave? What will you say? How quickly will you move on and forget about me?
Those are the questions that linger in my mind..... I don't really know if I want to know the answer.....
~Panda/Gen/Asian/Sehun/Thehun/GD/DOK2/Al Gore
-Not afraid to post-
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