I just came back from my first high school party. It was terrible. Like im sitting at home crying. Its not funny, its really burdening and sad and depressing and I have absolutely no one to talk to. Absolutely no one, because if I do, itll cause more drama. I have no one. My family doesnt help, they try, but its just not working. If you wanna read about what happened, here u go. My night just progressively got worse. So about 30 minutes in, I was standing outside talking to some friends, when my friend lynsey tripped and cut me with her stilleto heels. My mom thinks ive twisted my ankle because its really swollen and hurts bad.
Now heres another thing. And he's probably reading this right now, but I dont really care right now. I was playing truth or dare, and I chose truth cuz im not stupid, but boy was I wrong. I got asked 'who in freshman would you lose your ity to?'. I didnt even awnser, but my best friend Devin did! She said "Ohhh~ ITS NICK!" And yah. Nick's this guy ive liked for a while now, and only two people knew i liked him. Well, now basically everyone knows, and im hella worried he'd find out. But it wasnt just her, it was my other best friend AJ. He flipped out and ran to Lara and told her. I've know Lara forever, but I have trust issues with people (reasons why only 2 people knew about nick), so I didnt want her to know. Too late. And guess what! Both AJ and Lara sit basically next to Nick, and I'm there too. I'm legit worried. So ing worried that he'll find out. Itll be so embarressing, im likely to cry, and I never cry, especially about boys. Once I have done that, once. And it was the worst feeling ever. And now that im in HS itll be a lot worse. Im legit worried he'll find out. But heres the thing, I'm pissed off at AJ, not Devin. And theres one reason why. Because she actually apologized. I'm more sad than pissed off that AJ didnt apologize. When i'm wrong and I know it, the first thing I do is apologize because I mean it and I genuinly felt bad. If he genuinely felt bad, he would have come to me and apologized. It hurt a lot when he left and didnt say one word to me, I guess that means that he doesnt really care how I feel right?
Oh and here's the best part. So me and Devin were chilling inside away from the group, when Lynsey comes in and tells me how that she called Cheyanne a and like that, but how she didnt mean it like that and how she was sorry. I already didnt like the fact that she was coming here and talking about her behind her back, but that stuff was just getting started. So then Michael, my ex, came over, and he said 'ugh i dont like cheyanne anymore shes a , she changed alot, now that shes a feminist and wearing ty clothes..." and guess what! Cheyanne was behind us the whole time. I felt so bad for her, it wasnt even funny. If I were her i'd be crying. Its not even funny. I couldnt believe Michael. It was so rude, and I felt so bad for her, so i went outside a couple minutes later to go talk to her. She was about to cry because she hated the fact that epople were talking behind her back and that Michael was bashing her and calling her a . She didnt understand why he felt like that, but I think that was somewhat in the heat of the moment. I dont agree with what Michael did, but I really cant be mad at him, hes going through so much right now. His parents found out he was Bi and started beating him, and are now getting a divorce. Since all of his friends are a grade above him, hes now an eighth grader and we're in high school. He has no friends and is made fun of for being Bi. He's gone through so much and still is, I cant help but feel bad for him. But thats still no excuse for him to talk about CHeyanne like that, shes gone through so much as well. She's not doing welll financially, and her dad recently had a . Shes not on good terms with her dad, and shes uncomfortable talking to her mom about things. She has like no one to go to besides her friends. And the worst part is that she used to be suicidal. I'm hella worried right now, I hope nothing bad happens. She seems to be alright rn cuz shes on twitter and nothing seems wrong, but when I saw her about to cry I know it effected her a lot.
I have so much pressure on me im not sure how to handle it. I have no one to talk to, because if I do, it just spreads more drama. Im forced to keep it to myself for the sake of others, but its too damn much. It really hurts to have to go through this, and I really really wish I never went, because then half of this stuff would have never happened. Sorry for the rant...imma go now
and P.S. - AJ, if your reading this, its best not to cause more drama and tell people that I wrote about my problems here. Sorry, usually i'd expect that you wouldnt, but i'm just not sure anymore.
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