vent about kris and 2014

so, about this whole Kris and exo thing... I haven't been on RPR recently because I've been mainly blogging on tumblr and venting and doing my best to stay positive. Its really... Not working. I know that most people don't understand how us Galaxies feel, but its a lot bigger than just the leader of exo leaving, at least for me. Kris is my bias, and I am ofc a Galaxy.... I have never had to go through a member change within the one and half years of kpop I have been through. I never thought it would be this tough... Its really taking a bad toll on me, and others as well. 2014 has literally been the worst year of my life. In January my dad was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a blood cancer that is sort of like leukemia. My dad is 50 years old, the average person who develops MM is 70. My dad was given ten years to live at most.... And I'm fourteen right now. Before I get to have children and marry, I won't have a dad anymore. February was when all the surgery took place, I rarely saw my parents because they were usually in the hospital. At that time, we weren't sure if my dad would be able to keep his arms (the tumors were the size of a fist in his left shoulder and right forearm.). March was when my dad was recoverying from the surgery and we had to take care of him, I'd be lucky to get two hours of sleep a night. April was when a lot of proposals happened. I had to do a lot of things but ended up not being able to because of doctor visits and such. May is where my parents have to drive to sac every day, we live an hour away, and take 20+ pills and get shots as well as tests. I also have to study for finals and complete end of the year projects, of which I do not have time to complete with my responsibilities. In a week my dad will be in the hospital for two straight weeks, I won't see him or my mom and during this time, I will be taking finals. My schedule is all over the place, I don't know if I'll even be able to pass all my finals because of my shortage of time... My dads cancer has terribly affected me, I lost a lot of faith and hope, and along the way I lost my faith in god, and I don't think I'm going to get it back. My school and family have been suffering so much lately, and I don't even want to burden my friends with my problems since my best friend's dad had a and is handicap and my other friend is having problems with his family as well... Music was my refuge, kpop was the thing I could always depend on to be there for me, I knew that nothing could change that... I was wrong. Kris leaving exo means that exo will never be the same, their sound and look change, I can't even bear to think about it. If Kris leaves, I have nothing left in my life that's worth living for, everything around me is suffering, leaving, or dying.... People on tumblr, NY friends, have committed suicide because of Kris leaving... Others started to self harm. Everything is being destroyed in my life and k don't know how to carry on anymore... I've lost my faith in god, and I can't do anything about it.... I have nothing left in my life that can keep me going, I don't know what to do anymore...