feelings

Is it bad that I often wonder my place with my family and sometimes friends? I know that I complain ALOT but people usually don't know what to say to me. And when I cry they think that I'm faking. My own mom thinks I cry because I'm being "dramatic" but I'm just really sensitive. I hide behind my smile most of the time. And for only a few selection of people know this. They're my closest friends. But I feel even they don't really know how to make me feel better sometimes... And when I need someone. All that happens is that I give and gain nothing. I give my best in school and gain ing bull zeros for work I did. I help my mom and gain a ing yell in the face. I give my love to those who need it, only for it to be abused. I don't want to give anymore. But that is in my nature I guess. Smile for those who want me to. Smile for those whom I hate. Smile for those who don't deserve it. Give my everything to those who I think care. I gave everything I could to even my ing sister. I thought she was the closest thing I had. Bit then I realized. I lied and cheated for her. And what I got back was bull. Bull from her and for her.I got grounded for MONTHS because of her. I don't like being used. And someone who I used to have my heart throb for told me a year ago that I'm easily manipulated and I'm gullible. And you know what. He's ing right. I let people trample over me and I've fuvking had it. I don't deserve this do I?